Chapter 49 - Instead of being able to break the walls of your past, I broke myself. (1/2)

|Innaya|

”SHUT UP!” Eshan roared so loudly, that it had me shuddering with fright. I blinked my eyes, not being able to recognize the man in front of me. He was not the Eshan, I knew. He was different, he resembled the raged animal at that moment.

His eyes turned darker with anger, there was hurt, pain, anguish in them, but anger overpowered everything. With jaw clenched in anger and eyes glaring at me with such strong emotions, I tried hard not to cower back in fear.

I hissed in pain when his grip on my wrist became painfully tight.

”I am not him. I am not your father. Did you hear me?” Eshan left me with a jerk.

I staggered backwards on my feet with the force he pushed me. However, before I could fall his hands came on my shoulder blades holding me up.

He knew about that man. How? Nobody knew about him, Grandpa made sure of it, then how on the earth he got to know about him?

Eshan chuckled but it had no humour, it was dark, almost painful.

”You think so low about me, Innaya. How could you? Have I ever given you any reason, to not to trust me? You could have just asked me once, before reaching to your - such high conclusions...” He raked his fingers through his hair roughly.

”I tried so hard to break those walls of your past, but I failed. I failed myself,” he mumbled to himself but I heard it clearly.

”You know what? I should have never promised Grandpa. I should have never married you. I was better off without you. I have been honest with you from the very first day, when you not even shared a single thing about yourself.” Eshan turned away from me, his back towards me.

He was right but what about his secrecy?

”All these months, I have been nothing but patient, waiting for you to be comfortable with me, to share your fears with me...” he trailed off, exhaling loudly.

He abruptly spun on his feet as if realising something. ”What did you say? I care about my needs. Huh? Then why you are still untouched, if I am so much of pervert according to you? I should have used my right as husband on our wedding night itself; no one would have stopped me, not even you.”

He stepped forward and instantly I stepped back. I was too stunned to see this side of him.

”Shall we try that now?” He gripped my forearms before he pulled me near to himself. His eyes blazed with hurt and pain.

Had I crossed my line? The answer was yes.

His every word was making me feel guilty, maybe because he was right.

”Honesty- that was the only thing I demanded from you, remember?”

Yes, I remembered. It was the only thing, he asked on our first date.

”Trust is never to be demanded it should be earned. I tried so hard to earn your trust for these 4 months but I guess I was not good enough,” he gulped painfully.

”You expect me to be answerable for every small thing I do, whereas when it comes to you, I must keep quiet. I don't know what triggers your panic attacks yet, I should only comfort you and keep my mouth shut.”

His every word was cutting my insides and I could only gaze at the floor. Shame filled my whole being.

What had I done?