Chapter 39 - Hospitalised (2/2)

”Eshan...Why do you defy me? Why?” I clamped on my lower lip hard with my teeth, to prevent sob escaping through it. I rested my forehead on our joined palms, closing my eyes.

What if something else, had happened to him? What if... My blood ran cold at the slightest possibilities of what ifs. My resolve of staying strong, crumpled like a heap of cards. I hugged him as I let loose of my emotions and cried on his chest, letting out all the pent-up anxiety, frustration, pain, hurt, and every single emotion I went through for the whole day. My cries were muffled because of the fist I had on my lips and the way I had clamped my teeth.

All the time of our togetherness flashed before my eyes, doubling my guilt and pain. He had been there with me on every step, fulfilling everything before I had even asked for it.

What I gave back to him? I brought him to the hospital. That reality made me cry harder and tears continuously escaped my eyes. The realization of how much attached I am to him hit me like a thunderbolt. How badly I craved for his voice, his presence, his attention, his assurance, and most importantly him, throughout the day, struck me hard.

Lost in my own agony, I would have missed the movement below me if not for the sudden hiss of pain. Abruptly I pulled myself from Eshan. His eyes were shut. Did I not hear properly?

I stared at his face, hoping he would just wake up. Then it happened. His fingers twitched and his eyes fluttered before he opened them and closed them next moment. This time he slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the sudden light.

I wanted to call him, ask him about his well-being but I couldn't.

”Innaya?” He looked at me in confusion. ”Where am I?”

”Hey.” Eshan tugged at his hand I had clutched in my hold, near my heart.

He tugged at my lower lip once I released his hand; the stinging pain brought me back of whatever trance I was lost in.

”Is it hurting?” He pressed his thumb at the corner of my lips.

”Huh?” I stared at his face not knowing what he was asking.

”Your lip... It's bleeding.”

I darted my tongue and traced the corner, surely, I tasted the blood.

”Don't cry, Tesoro. It's alright. I am alright,” Eshan tried assuring but his weak voice told the other story.

I straightened my back and stood up, leaving his hold reluctantly. I wiped my face clean with the red Kashmiri stole around my neck.

”I'll call the doctor.” I turned and almost ran out of the room ignoring his calling. How would I face him? The guilt and disappointment resurfaced as soon as I stood out of his room. I closed my eyes as I breathed deeply.

”Are you alright?” The sudden touch on my shoulder and the concerned voice had me tilt my head in the direction of the owner.

I nodded my head at Ayush. ”Eshan is awake; could you please call the doctor?” I requested him and he left after nodding.

I just couldn't face Eshan right now. Not with the mind frame, I was in. I wanted to lash at him, scold him, and hit him, for putting me in this condition and at the same time, I wanted to apologize for being responsible for his this condition.

I collapsed on the bench beside me, with my head in my hands. I did not understand what was happening anymore. Tears gathered in my eyes again. Why was I being so emotional?