Chapter 17 - Cynophobia (1/2)

|Eshan|

How was I going to explain things to my dear friends who were stuck on the only thing, that I did not tell them anything regarding my wife? Sure, they would understand but they wanted to know everything right at the moment.

I bought some time by walking away, but for how long? What if Innaya woke up by then and accompanied me? They wouldn't behave badly with her because of it, would they? Many questions swirled in my head. I reached the bedroom door I had managed to close on my way while Ayush was dragging me. Everything could take a backseat for a while. Currently, the woman behind the door was my priority. Letting out a sigh, I twisted the knob opening the door.

”Are you alright?” I asked, speeding up my steps towards the bed where Innaya was trying to get up. Supporting my hands around her shoulders, I made her sit comfortably, placing cushions behind her back.

”Hmm,” she almost whispered.

I could see, she was emotionally so disturbed that it had snatched that infectious and genuine aura she always managed to create around herself.

Despite knowing, my friends were sitting right in the hall and could waltz anytime if wanted, I couldn't resist leaning forward and pressing my lips to her forehead.

”How long is this going to continue this way?” Pulling myself a little back I whispered, I still was close to her that I could smell faint smell of her moisturizer. ”Every time, you are in this condition... I can't—” It was truth and though I did not want to confront her, I couldn't help when those words left my mouth. I had decided to give her the space she wanted and yet again, I messed up.

I guess, she caught it instantly from my slightly shaky voice that I wouldn't be able to say much when I felt her hand slowly lifting to my cheek.

”I know, you are concerned but I am fine, really.”

'Lied! She has once again lied.' I understand she didn't want to trouble me but she did not understand this was a punishment to see her suffering and not being able to do anything. I wanted to help her to get off the things that were troubling her. From last one month, I had noticed the certain void and aloofness blanketing her sometimes. She always had tried to hide it, but how could I overlook her sudden withdrawal?

”You still don't trust me enough?” I found myself whispering but the way her eyes snapped towards mine, I knew she heard me. I did not mean to say that aloud but the way her eyes narrowed, I knew it was too late.

”Some things are best to not talk about, Eshan. You accepted me as I am. Now, you want to know my past. Has things changed between us? I do not need you to ask me about what has happened, I need you to tell me it doesn't matter. My past does not matter.”

I was taken aback by hearing what way she had taken everything. The hurt in her voice, the accusatory tone had me flinching.

”I don't care about your past. I would never have asked you a word if it has not affected you the way it is, Innaya.” I looked at her only to see the outer wall she had created around herself breaking, probably. Her eyes started shining with a thin layer of tears in them. As much as I wanted her to open up so that I could help, I just feared now— had I pushed her a lot?

*

Can you not let it out to me?

It is getting difficult for me your this condition to see,

I know, you are still not able to trust me enough,

I know, your life has been rough,

Rough enough to force you to build these walls around you,

Putting deep fears in your heart, making everything tough,

I just hope someday,

Someday, I will earn your enough trust,

Allowing your heart to share your insecurities with me,

And I promise, 'that' someday,