Chapter 1303 (2/2)

“Of course. While you might be content to let the Alpha Cosmos develop rather freely, Neveah visits quite often to keep tabs on the various factions. Plus, she and I have some of the best discussions about Engravings… it’s one of the few things that bring me joy, these days. That and my students.” Lucretia folded her hands behind her back and walked to the edge of the hill, looking down at the trees below.

Randidly moved to stand next to Lucretia while he put his thoughts in order. So Neveah comes over to the Alpha Cosmos pretty often? I suppose that makes sense… she can probably use our connection to come here directly… plus I bet she was a little bored with her time alone on Earth recently…

Ultimately, Randidly set that aside for the moment. “...in a way, yes, the reason I am here is due to the death of Yystrix. Her… the karma between us is behaving strangely. I was hoping you could take a look at it and help me understand what the cause is.”

Lucretia gave Randidly an amused look. “I mean, that much is pretty simple, especially because the karma between you two is so potent. But… are you sure you want to hear the answer? I have a feeling that you already know what it is that I’ll tell you.”

Although he had expended quite a lot of his rampaging emotions in the battle earlier, it was like everything suddenly came swirling back as he looked into Lucretia’s eyes at that moment. The violence was in his veins again, struggling to find an outlet. His heart was pounding. Randidly gritted his teeth and nodded. “I just want to know if she’s really dead.”

“Ha! Unfortunately, even I can’t tell something like that,” Lucretia shook her head. But then she turned to face Randidly and reached up to touch his shoulder. She drew her finger lightly inward, across his collarbone until she reached the other shoulder. “...but what you are sensing is a definite sign, Randidly. I do not know what happened to Yystrix… but the karma between you two has been sewn and reaped. There is no lingering attachment remaining.”

“What…?” Randidly asked in bewilderment.

Lucretia’s hand fell to her side. “There are a lot of… suboptimal definitions of karma out there. But for this situation, perhaps it will be helpful to think of karma as an indicator of more to come between two people. As a sign that the story of you two isn’t yet finished. Now that yours is fading… I would say pretty clearly that there is nothing more between you. If she yet lives… It is possible for you to seek each other out and start the cycle of karma once more… but if it were at all likely, karma would have remained. And your karma with each other is vanishing very quickly.”

Randidly didn’t know what he had expected. A confirmation of some sort. Finally, a clue whether the pain in his chest was real or he had been tricked again. And in a way, this was a sort of answer. Just not one that provided any closure.

“Then why do I...damnit!” Randidly flexed his hands and spun away from Lucretia. Even as the trees continued to rustle with the breath of the land below, Randidly began to pace back and forth on top of the hill. “Then why can’t I get over this? Why am I so angry and sad? I shouldn’t feel bad that she died, the things that she wanted to do to Earth-”

“Ah, I see the problem.” Lucretia sighed. “Randidly, let me say this; when has what you should feel ever stopped a living being from feeling? You are human. And your heart, in particular, is much more kind than you give it credit for. Do you think my relationship with Autarch was harmonious? No, I was a tool created for a purpose and he used me unscrupulously. Yet when he died… I mourned. Not because his influence on my life was positive, but because his influence was irreplaceable. I suspect that your relationship with Yystrix is similar.”

Very conscious of the movement of his shoulders and his chest, Randidly released a long breath. The tension drained from him. “So I mourn, then. And eventually… I just get over it.”

Lucretia laughed softly. “This will be hard for you, I’m sure. Because you have lived so long struggling to survive. But your emotions are not something that you struggle against… they are something that you experience. I expect that most of the reasons for the… violence of your current emotions is because you have sought a quick solution to something that is really a problem that will span a lifetime.

“Pain passes because you sit in it and accept that you are hurting. You cannot ‘beat’ it. It is an agony that you cannot hurry your way through. You can only be torn and watch your heart bleed down your torso and onto the floor every day until the wounds start to knit together on their own. There is no bandage for the soul.”

“I don’t want to mourn her,” Randidly said softly.

This time, Lucretia’s laugh was loud and harsh. “If that were true, Randidly Ghosthound, then you wouldn’t be mourning her. And perhaps the ‘why’ you are mourning her is the question you need to answer.”

“I…” Randidly opened his mouth, but as soon as he began to think about that, he knew the answer.

Because in a way, Yystrix had been right in her letter: she and Randidly had wanted the same thing. An escape from the System. And despite their differences, despite Yystrix’s attempts to endanger the Earth… she had failed in their shared quest. Whether Yystrix now hid herself away or had truly died, Randidly trusted Lucretia’s diagnosis; they would likely never meet again.

And before she had gone, she had written every ounce of her knowledge onto a grand Engraving in her tomb so he and Neveah could finish what she started. It was a heavy burden.

It felt like a gift he didn’t deserve. An early present for a birthday that was already more than complicated enough as it was.