Ch68.1 - The Key (1/2)
“Despite the objections of my elder sister, I sponsored Lin Xun.” Liang Jinmin said. “At that time, I firmly believed that he was my soulmate for life. I felt a brilliant sunlight illuminate my soul every day I spent with him, and even now when I recall it, it really was wonderful. Yu Hao, you said that I don’t understand, and I truly don’t. Or you could say that from the bottom of my heart, I had never been willing to admit my cowardice. And it was this cowardice that caused me to sink into an endless cycle of the ‘tragedy of life’……”
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The living room became quiet. Yu Hao didn’t want to cry, yet he couldn’t help but shed tears. He could empathise with how much Liang Jinmin had loved Lin Xun at that time, yet when he thought of the Liang Jinmin of today, he felt an incomparable sadness.
Chen Yekai’s eyes had also reddened, and the faint sound of him drawing a breath could be heard.
Zhou Sheng looked at Yu Hao. Liang Jinmin drew out a tissue and handed it to Yu Hao. She smiled, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No.” Yu Hao quickly said, “I’m sorry, Liang Laoshi. It was too presumptuous of me to have said that.”
Liang Jinmin said, “Come, have some chocolate.” And as she spoke, she took out some premium chocolates from the coffee table and gave it to them.
“Lin Xun and I supported each other. We left our homes and went to San Francisco to study; just like what a marriage vow says — for better or worse, in sickness and in health, whether young and beautiful or old and wrinkly, we always supported and depended on each other in hard times.” Liang Jinmin said, “Later on, my elder sister died of lung cancer four years later. And the prelude to the start of many trivial conflicts in our marriage began.”
Yu Hao listened to Liang Jinmin recall every small detail of the bloody reality and conflicts between her and Lin Xun — all of which had taken on the form of the knives, axes, blades, saws, and hammers on the huge metallic monster’s robotic arms in her dreamscape. The image of Lin Xun and her father gradually overlapped and became difficult to differentiate.
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“A girl who had witnessed so much domestic violence in her childhood had also fallen into an endless cycle of tragedy when she grew up.” Liang Jinmin sighed, “Is that a kind of habit? Or yearning? It’s really humiliating for me to analyse myself, but tonight, I’m willing to bare my soul in its entirety under the illumination of your sunlight and moonlight, and accept judgement.”
Zhou Sheng adjusted his posture on the sofa and laughed, “Sunlight?”
Liang Jinmin nodded, “I’m a pessimist. Nietzsche mentioned in《The Birth of Tragedy》that endless cycles of tragedy actually provide a kind of aesthetic attitude towards life, so that we can obtain the final liberation. Ryuusei once said frankly that in my subconscious, because of the psychological shadows that originated from my own family history, there was a sort of imperceptible self-pity within that made it difficult for me to escape this cycle of events.”
“Secondly, I think, my tolerance of Lin Xun originated from a feeling of guilt and indebtedness that I felt after witnessing my elder sister killing my father that night. Accepting my husband’s repeated acts of violence and enduring them had turned into my atonement.”
Chen Yekai said, “If I was the one to put you on trial, I would have only one sentence, ‘they all deserve to die’.”
Liang Jinmin looked at Zhou Sheng, but Zhou Sheng didn’t express any opinions and just said, “Go on.”
Liang Jinmin said, “I grew up in that kind of environment and was accustomed to it. My mother told me that all couples, everywhere in the world, will quarrel and may even resort to violence. And at one time, I also unquestioningly believed that to be true. After adolescence, I once told myself that I would never get married……”
“Just like me.” Zhou Sheng answered, “I’m afraid that I’ll be like my dad and won’t be able to restrain myself one day.”
“You won’t.” Yu Hao said to Zhou Sheng.
Liang Jinmin laughed, “But love is beyond anyone’s control. On numerous occasions I’ve convinced myself to muster the courage and usher in a new life, and I even finally took that step. But I didn’t expect that with that one step, I had stepped straight into an abyss……”
Yu Hao, “……”
“When Lin Xun knelt down to beg for my forgiveness after the first time he hit me, I was still convincing myself that it was a normal occurrence in marriage, though I knew it couldn’t be.” Liang Jinmin lit up her third cigarette, “I always thought that all couples everywhere in this world were like my parents. I couldn’t imagine what having a happy and blissful family would be like. Afterwards, it was Nicky and Takin’s love which made me realise that a person could be so understanding of their own lover, making it possible for them to grow old together with absolute devotion to each other.”
Chen Yekai laughed bitterly and shook his head.
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“Anything else?” An idea slowly began to surface in Yu Hao’s mind, but he couldn’t quite grasp it. He was waiting, waiting for the moment it finally became clear.
Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.
“If there’s anything else, then I think it should be love ba.” Liang Jinmin closed her eyes, “That day, when I was talking to Nicky about the future, I decided to make up for my mistakes and devote the rest of my life to my work. But not long after I got home, the incident as you know it occurred……”
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Zhou Sheng’s expression suddenly turned stern, yet he didn’t interject and instead glanced at Yu Hao. At this time, Yu Hao chose to remain silent.
After a seemingly endless silence, Liang Jinmin continued, “Yu Hao said today that I didn’t understand. And yes. Perhaps, in the depths of my heart, I still have lingering foolish love and expectations of him, that’s holding me back and sealing off a portion of my memories……”
“You’re subconsciously hindering yourself.” Yu Hao picked up the frame and scrutinised the picture of Liang Jinmin and Lin Xun, “You don’t want him imprisoned, even though he tried to murder you, right?”
“I think so.” Liang Jinmin opened her eyes and said.
Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.
Chen Yekai said, “Yu Hao, it’s no use blaming Liang Laoshi. We can’t control our subconscious……”
Liang Jinmin said, “It’s okay. That’s the reason I wanted to talk to you guys too. Over all these years, I may have never really understood myself.”
Zhou Sheng said, “So after you woke up in the hospital that day, you’ve been trying to recall what happened?”
Liang Jinmin nodded, “Yes. The doctor believes that the gaps in my memory are a result of my long-term coma. I have been thinking about it all day. Nicky and Officer Huang Ting suggested that I could wait, but only I know the real reason is that I have deliberately forgotten those memories.”
The living room fell into a long silence. The lit cigarette in Liang Jinmin’s hand had been burnt till its end.
“To finish off, let’s make some slight adjustments to Nietzsche’s argument to conclude today’s lesson ba.” Chen Yekai said, “Under the light of the Sun God, everything shows a beautiful appearance. It changes the essence of tragedy, eliminating the pain and deranged aspects, and reflects an exceptionally beautiful light — that is our understanding of ourselves.”
Zhou Sheng finished his wine and set the glass down. He was still thinking as he looked at Yu Hao again.
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Yu Hao said, “What else did you talk about the day you two met at the cafe?”
Liang Jinmin was immersed in her thoughts and didn’t respond.
“At that time, I thought the evidence you had might not be strong enough. I remember Liang Laoshi said,” Chen Yekai said, “‘Then I’ll go back and continue collecting evidence until it’s enough to send him to prison.’”
Liang Jinmin said, “I believe that was what I said at that time, but my recollection of it is poor.”
Chen Yekai said, “This is just my inference. Huang Ting’s analysis of this was, if Liang Laoshi’s last thoughts before losing consciousness were about the location of the concealed evidence, then the moment she lost consciousness could have caused that memory to……”
“Break.” Zhou Sheng continued.
Liang Jinmin nodded, “When I was going over what had happened and recording my testimony, I could recall that Lin Xun had said something to me before he knocked me unconscious, but I can’t remember what it was.”
Her eyeliner was smudged because of her tears. She put down her empty wine glass and walked to the bathroom.
When Yu Hao heard her last sentence, a myriad of impressions flashed through his mind and suddenly connected —— speculating from the scenes he witnessed in her dreamscape, how Liang Jinmin struggled as she fought against the metallic monster, and within her consciousness, the metallic monster had seized something that could protect her, an indestructible item……
He looked down at the photo within the frame. Within an instant, Lin Xun’s face and that metallic monster overlapped! That “evidence”, he had seen it in the subconscious!