Ch54 - Tears (2/2)
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Tears trickled from the corner of Chen Yekai’s eyes, sliding down his cheek and dropping onto his pillow.
Yu Hao unconsciously turned his head, while Zhou Sheng raised his arm in his sleep to let Yu Hao rest on his shoulder.
Bottom of the Well: Next Life.
“No.” Ryuusei said earnestly, “Please don’t blame yourself. I just hope that he can be happy. My original intention for doing that wasn’t to punish him, but because I wished for him to not have to face so many choices, and accept the pain that comes from finally making a decision.”
“Everything else can start anew.” Yu Hao said earnestly, “But the one thing he couldn’t bear was losing you.”
In this moment, Yu Hao suddenly had the strange sense that the person before him wasn’t the Ryuusei in Chen Yekai’s consciousness, but the soul of the real Ryuusei that had transcended time and space.
Nakagawa Ryuusei got up, walked over to the gramophone and played a song. The music started, and it was the song《Perfect 》that ED and Beyonce sung together.
“Cause we were just kids when we fell in love.”
“Not knowing what it was——”
“Everyone thinks that death might be very painful.” Ryuusei said calmly, “But for someone who suffers from depression, death is a kind of relief instead, so why can’t we regard it as a parting that was predestined? We spent the happiest days of our lives together, but I became ill, and it was from an incurable hereditary disease. Rather than suffer through the last days of life, why not……”
Yu Hao was starting to understand Ryuusei’s final thoughts.
“Why not cherish every day, every minute, and every second that you still had left together?” Yu Hao said softly.
“Yes.” Ryuusei said, “That really was the case for me. I know very well that my illness was something I inherited from my family, and I was doomed to never recover. I had no regrets over the time I spent with him either……if you think of it in that way, is it easier to understand?”
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Yu Hao recalled a chapter on cognitive behavioural therapy from one of his major’s classes — it mentioned that the causes of depression weren’t entirely clear, but their present understanding was that it had a very complex relationship with heredity, the endocrine system, and the functions and regeneration of nerves; there were even specific gene locations within chromosomes that had been discovered to have a clear correlation with severe depression.
According to unofficial data, the prevalence of depression in China has reached a prevalence of approximately 3%, and this wasn’t a kind of psychological disorder that could be resolved just by asking patients to “get over it”. Once it was diagnosed, the patients would need to regularly take medication, and for those who suffer from severe depression, even if they do obtain temporary relief from their condition, the rate of relapse is as high as 60%. Many patients need to take medication for life.
However, in China, depression is still merely framed as a mental disorder and has rarely been taken seriously.
“In the Mayan civilization, death is not the end, but the beginning of a new journey. Life is splendid, but fleeting — however, just like a flower, it will bloom again after it withers. We will constantly move back and forth in samsara, so we’ll definitely meet again in the end, it’s not a final farewell……I digress.” Ryuusei explained with the flowing music in the background, “So, I returned to Chichén Itzá and went to that well.”
Yu Hao said, “He locked the you in his heart in the inn, maybe because he didn’t want you to leave just like that; he wasn’t willing to move on, yet he didn’t want to let you go either, and he’s even less willing to let you enter samsara like this.”
Nakagawa Ryuusei watched Yu Hao, and answered in almost a whisper, “Yes, you’re right.”
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The connections between the series of events in Chen Yekai’s conscious world suddenly became very clear in Yu Hao’s mind — the dead Ryuusei in his heart wanted to walk towards Chichén Itzá and go to the so-called ‘next life’ to wait for Chen Yekai, but Chen Yekai had never been able to accept Ryuusei’s departure.
Thus, in his dream, the totem Ryuusei has always stayed in the inn ‘Beginning and the End’.
“Just as I wanted to head to the next life, I met Lin Laoshi at the well in Chichén Itzá.” Ryuusei said, “He polluted me and separated me into two halves. He took away a part of me, that dark consciousness, then cast the current me down to the bottom of the well. I don’t want things to end like this, so, Yu Hao, I would like to seek your help.”
“He’s very outstanding.” Ryuusei said, “But I think, I’m just a transient guest in his life. What he gave me in this life, to be exact, was not love, but sympathy. The half that Lin Laoshi took away…was the sole obsession I held for Nicky, in this relationship.”
Yu Hao, “No, it’s not like that, Ryuusei.”
Nakagawa Ryuusei looked up at Yu Hao, and Yu Hao gave him a sad, and faint smile.
“Your existence is proof of his love for you.” Yu Hao said with an expectant gaze, “I believe that in his past world, his totem wasn’t you. But ever since you entered his life, you had turned into the sole totem he possesses.”
Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.
Nakagawa Ryuusei’s gaze contained slight surprise. Yu Hao continued, “Everyone’s totem is the embodiment of their meaning, their persistence, as well as the person they want to be. Ryuusei, go back with me ba, return to his side. Only you can do it — you can give him the courage to return to that place under the sun.”
“I remember that you wrote him a letter.”
Ryuusei, “I remember too. But, I think he should have also given you something, which would be indispensable in defeating Lin Laoshi.”
A chill ran through Yu Hao’s heart, “What is it?”
Ryuusei slowly shook his head.
Outside the well.
“They told me that everyone has a totem in their heart; it is the symbol of what I hold dearest to me. If I find it, I’ll be able to become myself……” Chen Yekai enunciated each word clearly, “Ryuusei, I think, if this totem really exists in my heart, then……it should look like you ba.”
Dark Ryuusei stood startled, and momentarily speechless.
Chen Yekai, “Destroying you, would be akin to destroying myself. But I’m certain that I love you. Until now, that is the one conviction that I firmly believe in. Even now, after four years have passed, those best moments in our lives are still engraved in my memory, and I don’t want to let you leave like this.”
“It’s as if, as long as I don’t open that letter and say goodbye to you, then we would never part — whether in this life, or the next.”
“Liar……you liar……” Dark Ryuusei’s voice trembled, “I’m going to kill you!”
Zhou Sheng suddenly said, “Ryuusei! You left Nicky a letter, didn’t you?! What did you say in the letter? Have you forgiven him, or do you want him to die with you?”
A sudden silence descended on the central area. Dark Ryuusei’s eyes widened as he stared at Chen Yekai, and for a moment, he was unable to respond to that question.
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Chen Yekai said slowly, “Ryuusei, the past you would rather hurt yourself than let me suffer any pain……Ryuusei?” Realisation seemed to dawn upon Chen Yekai, and his voice trembled, “Is that really what you think? Why……”
“Ryuusei!” Chen Yekai suddenly said, “This isn’t you! Who deluded you?!”
After Dark Ryuusei heard these words, he let out a pained cry; Chen Yekai’s acknowledgement seemed to have a very strong impact on him; it made the black smoke that had enshrouded him scatter behind him to reveal a ferocious gaze.
Chen Yekai, “……”
Zhou Sheng, “That’s not him! Kaikai! That’s a fake! Shoot him!”
Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.
Dark Ryuusei let out a mad roar and rushed towards Chen Yekai. Before Zhou Sheng could brandish his jingubang, Chen Yekai suddenly drew his gun, and after a brief moment of hesitation, Ryuusei’s face underwent a bizarre change. Chen Yekai no longer hesitated. He pointed the muzzle of the gun at “Ryuusei” and pulled the trigger!
The sound of the gunshot was so jarring that Zhou Sheng’s eardrums suffered. The bullet left the muzzle of the gun, rotated, and whistled towards Ryuusei; but the Feathered Serpent god moved instantaneously, and with one swoop, it rushed past Ryuusei and blocked the shot!
The Feathered Serpent god flew away, revealing the appearance of Lin Xun.
“Hahahaha……”
“Hahaha……”
Lin Xun laughed with a sinister expression, then said coldly, “Nicky, it seems……you’ve finally decided to abandon Ryuusei! I spent so much effort separating the two of you, and it looks like they have not been made in vain.”
Zhou Sheng suddenly realised a serious problem, “No way, the boss is you?!”
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The surrounding walls in the cenote area instantly began to fall apart; the overhead wire mesh crumbled, and a huge platform rose. Under the dark sky, Chichén Itzá was disintegrating! A hurricane swept through countless huge stones and bricks in all directions; this massive pyramid was disintegrating layer by layer, and only a lone platform rose towards the sky.
Dark clouds raced across the horizon and bolts of lightning struck everywhere; the conscious world had already transformed into a sea of fire. Amidst Lin Xun’s mad roars, black flames burst forth from his body. Bricks fell as the grand platform rose to a great height, and only the throne of Chichén Itzá in front of the well remained. The ground expanded until it became a square that occupied nearly ten thousand square metres of space; Lin Xun turned and sat on the throne. The Feathered Serpent god behind him revived and began to wander.
Chen Yekai’s voice was hoarse, “Laoshi, why did you……do that! Why——!”
Lin Xun said coldly, “You should always heed Laoshi’s words, why get so involved with a depressed youngster?I went through a lot of trouble and used so many methods before Ryuusei finally left you. A bright future awaits you, and you’ll become someone even more outstanding than you think in the future, Nicky. Don’t let all my kindness go in one ear and out the other……”
“You hid this secret for four years!” Chen Yekai was immensely aggrieved and indignant; he held his gun with both hands and pointed it at Lin Xun, then shouted, “I should have killed you a long time ago!”
Lin Xun said coldly, “The cause of his death had been sown a long time ago. No matter how good I am at psychologically manipulating people, I could have never persuaded him to commit suicide — if you hadn’t ignored him, how could Ryuusei have died?”
Against the pitch black backdrop of the sky, the entire conscious world had already been submerged in a sea of fire. Flames ran rampant everywhere on the earth, clouds of ash rose and billowed upwards into the horizon. Thunder and lightning shook the dark sky. The Feathered Serpent god whizzed through the air as it rushed forth, but Zhou Sheng had long since been prepared for it. Right before it lunged towards Chen Yekai, he shot forward and stood in front of Chen Yekai with his shield raised to block the attack!
The shield suddenly expanded, and with a “dang”, it collided with the Feathered Serpent god. The Feathered Serpent god unleashed a discordant cry that sounded like the clashing of gold and steel. It soared into the air and beat its wings to bring forth a violent gale.