115 No Longer Alone (1/2)

If there was one thing he regretted, it was that he couldn't remember what it felt like to be alone anymore. He had unwittingly traded away his solitude — or something extremely similar to it — in return for his newfound happiness.

No… Using the word ”regret” was out of line, even if I was exaggerating.

I don't regret it all. Not a single bit. I've never been happier in my life. By all rights, I shouldn't even be complaining…

He just felt like something had changed. For his entire life, it'd been him against the world. He had kept his distance — kept his guard up — and done his utmost to limit his interactions with other people.

It's not like I hated people. Not in general, at least. I just couldn't bring myself to deal with them anymore.

I just found it to be a tiring exercise in futility.

The bare minimum had been enough for him. He didn't need or want anything else. At best, it was unnecessary and at worst, it was a liability.

Relationships born out of convenience and mutual interest had been enough for him. There was no need to over-complicate what could be expressed with the words ”Yes” and ”No”— it was better to not get invested and played like a chump.

I enjoyed the privacy I'd gained. In time, I even called it a blessing.

Of course, it was nothing more than my cowardice speaking.

It was a decision he'd made of his own free will. And it was not one he had made lightly, knowing full well what it'd entail in the end.

There was nothing to be gained in isolating oneself. He understood that.

What he had traded was one kind of pain for another. Still, at the time, he'd considered it a decent enough deal. Being alone was painful, but being betrayed and used was much worse to him.

He could get used to one of them, but not the other. In the end, he had grown so accustomed to the pain that it completely disappeared one day out of the blue…

Something vaguely similar to solitude had taken hold in the empty void where his heart was supposed to have been.

Twisted pride and joy — a pitiful feeling born out of his loneliness.

That was why it still felt so jarring to him, even now. For the longest, he had thought that'd he spend the rest of his life alone, but now…

This is infinitely better. I can't even begin to imagine going back to that pitiful way of living. I refuse to go back.

Lu'um tilted her head in confusion and said, ”Hey, what's the matter?”

His life had taken a crazy, sudden turn, one he could have never expected to happen.

A miracle occurred — he'd found someone special.

A girl had shattered his little world and given him a new lease on life. And now, he lived in a different world. One where she existed, too.

He was no longer alone, not anymore.

There were plenty of instances when he thought that it wouldn't have worked out between them. She was much stronger, wiser, and developed than him as a person.

It was the initial reason why he'd been so hesitant. In simpler terms, he'd found her intimidating, to the point it'd been somewhat off-putting for him to take the lead in their relationship. He had forced himself to do it as if it was a cumbersome, daunting task.

He knew that it was wrong for him to think of her that way, but he couldn't have helped it back then. After all, he'd been obsessed with the idea of being someone special. Having someone as outstanding and brilliant as she had been extremely confusing and vexing for him at the time…

Hidden envy and shallow attraction were what had once formed the basis of his interest in her. He had only seen the power she possessed and not the person behind it — the concerned, lovable girl who'd been there for him since they'd first met, the tremendous fool.

These days the only thing Reed felt was anger toward his old self who'd taken Lu'um for granted. He wished he could go back in time and give his past self — the snotty, self-absorbed little turd — a good beating and rebuke until he understood how blessed he was to have her by his side…

Lu'um buried herself in Reed's chest and said, ”…Is that so? And who might this idiot be? Have I met him before?”

Him? …Seriously? It really is scary how perceptive she can at times…