342 Chapter 342: Bottom of the Cave (2/2)
”?!”
Now this time, I was sure it wasn't from beyond the fourth wall. Half wondering if I was hearing things because of the cold, I glanced around cautiously.
My jaw dropped.
”You…you are…?!”
”Nope. Don't say my name.” a mercenary dressed entirely in a red and black Spandex costume, with two swords strapped to his back, lifted a finger to his mouth…or where his mouth should be, because his entire face was hidden behind a red and black mask. He stared at me from behind huge white lenses framed by black circles. ”We'll get into trouble with copyright, you know? You don't want people suing you because a copyrighted character showed up in your story, right?”
”Then what am I supposed to call you?” I demanded in disbelief. Even if I didn't name him, he looked identical to…you know who. And you know what they say, if he walks like a duck, and looks like a duck…
”Oh, good question.” As the red and black mercenary considered, I noticed that he was intangible. Like a ghost, he was floating around the icy tunnel, doing a few lazy back-flips and lying on what looked like an invisible couch. Resting his head on his hand, his elbow propped up on thin air, he seemed to brighten up – but I couldn't tell because his face was hidden in a mask. ”Aha! Call me Ryan. Ryan Reynolds.”
”…seriously?”
”Hey, an actor's name isn't copyrighted, right?”
”Why do you even know the name of an actor from the early twenty-first century in the first place?”
”What makes you think I'm not from there?”
I stopped at that, bewildered. Was this guy serious? Was he really from…?
”No, no. Forget about all that. Anyway, kid, I'm here because you've been such a great protégé. So I need to make an appearance, even if I can't name myself. By the way, good job. You've learned the art of breaking the fourth wall well.” The person who called himself ”Ryan Reynolds” was nodding in approval. ”And don't bother with what the naysayers tell you. Ignore the people complaining about you breaking the fourth wall and ranting. This is your story, write what you want, say what you want, and break the fourth wall if you want. If they don't like it, they can fuck off.”
He then drew two guns, cocked them and pointed it at the ice wall behind me.
”And if they still whine…you know what to do.”
”That's a little extreme,” I remarked, eying his guns warily. Ryan shrugged.
”Maybe. But who cares? They are in the wrong story if they want a serious one that has no fourth wall breaking. I don't tolerate idiots who stride into my comic, telling me how it should be written, or ordering me to break the fourth wall. I kick them out and send them to read other comics. You know, like the one with a bunch of mutants living under a mansion…with a bald professor.” He reached up and patted his head. ”Ugh! I forgot that I'm in no position to make fun of people for being bald!”
”…uh huh.” I stared at him for a few moments, still trying to wrap my head around what was going on. ”What are you doing here…uh, Mr. Reynolds?”
”Ryan. Just call me Ryan.” The masked mercenary waved a hand daintily, pretending to be shy. ”There's no need to be so formal, my cute protégé.”
”Uh, right. So…Ryan, what are you doing here?”
”Hmm…good question. I can't remember.” Clasping his hands behind his head, Ryan floated as he lay down on an invisible, drifting matress. ”The last thing I recall was me flying through several universes, having fun, breaking fourth walls, and getting the girls…before I ended up here. And of all the places to put me, they decided to throw me in this icy hell.”
He then jumped up and threw his hands into the air.
”Holy hell…I'm freezing my balls off…or would have, if I had an actual physical body.”
”So you're dead? Are you a ghost?”
”Who knows?” Dead…Ryan shrugged. ”I don't really care. I can never really die. I bet that once my role is done here, I'll be sent off to another universe to wreck havoc on some poor villainous soul who wished he had never committed any crimes that would catch the attention of the merc with a mouth.”
He then leaned closer and grinned.
”By the way, kid…I heard you want to be a mercenary. A mercenary-hero like me!”
”Like my dad,” I corrected, but Ryan plainly ignored me.
”That's just swell! You aiming to get your own comic series too?”
”That's entirely up to Qidian,” I replied noncommittedly. And then I forcibly returned to the topic at hand. ”So…uh, is there a way out of here, or have you been trapped here for long?'
”Oh, right. Now I remember what I'm here for.” Ryan snapped his fingers as he slowly rotated in midair. Rubbing his chin, he nodded. ”I can't get out of here until I have helped you to level up.”
”…level up?” I repeated incredulously.
”Yup.” Ryan appeared to grin under that mask of his, but his eys clearly displayed his delight. ”This is a Chinese webnovel series, remember? So we're going through the cliché cultivation trope of protagonist conveniently falls into secret cave and gets resources for a new power up.”
”…seriously?”
Dead…Ryan suddenly turned solemn, his eyes boring into me from behind those white lenses.
”Yeah. And you don't have a choice, kid…because unless you go through this cliché, I'm going to be stuck here. So I'm sure as hell going to throw you through that cliché (for my own sake), no matter how many readers complain about it.”