7 Chapter Four: Seat-Fighting Part 1 (1/2)

”Sister,” Liu Zhengfeng said, smiling politely, ”there's really no need to be so angry. Nephew apprentice Linghu only said that nonsense to Tian Boguang in order to rescue your brilliant little apprentice. Did you actually believe he meant what he said?”

”You mean he said all that in order to rescue Yilin?” Dingyi was struck with surprise.

”That is my belief.” Liu Zhengfeng nodded. ”Nephew apprentice Yilin, what do you think?”

”Big brother Linghu was a good person, only…only a little bit without manners when he spoke. But Master, if you are going to be angry, I dare not continue!” Yilin lowered her head.

”Tell me everything! Tell everything without omitting any details. I want to know what on earth he was thinking, good or evil! If this fellow was really a rascal, then, even though he's dead, I will make old man Yue pay for it.” Dingyi yelled.

Yilin murmured a few words, but was too afraid to continue.

”Keep talking! Don't be so concerned about him. Are you afraid that we won't be able to distinguish between what's good and what's evil?” Dingyi demanded.

”Yes, Master!” Yilin said.

”'Brother Tian,' big brother Linghu said, 'we are people of the Martial World – we live our lives on the sword's edge. Someone with better-developed skills does possess certain advantages, but eventually, we all have to count on our luck. Don't you agree? When facing someone that has about the same level of fighting skills, life and death depends entirely on luck. This little nun is as scrawny as a chicken that weighs no more than three pounds. Even if she were as pretty as a goddess from heaven, I still wouldn't have anything to do with her. Life is definitely much more important. Putting women before friendship is wrong! Putting women before life is just plain stupid. It's to everyone's best interest that no one touches this little nun at all.'

”'Brother Linghu,' Tian Boguang sneered, 'I thought you were a man that feared nothing. Why are you so superstitious about nuns?'

”'Hey,' big brother Linghu exclaimed, 'I have really bad luck every time I see a nun. It's quite consistent. I simply can't ignore the fact. For example, I was perfectly fit last night before I met this little nun. Then, without even seeing her face, just by hearing her voice, I ended up with three stab wounds from you, which almost cost me my life. If this isn't bad luck, then what is?'

”'That's right!' Tian Boguang burst into loud laughter.

”Big brother Linghu then said, 'Brother Tian, I don't talk with nuns. Why don't you just let the little nun get lost, so we can enjoy our drinks in peace? Trust me! I am giving you valuable advice. Even one touch to that little nun will bring you incredibly bad luck, and when you wander about the Martial World, trouble will follow you everywhere, unless you become a monk yourself. How can you risk the Three Venoms of the World?'

”'What are the Three Venoms of the World?' Tian Boguang asked.

”Big brother Linghu put on a very surprised face. 'Brother Tian,' he said, 'you have been to many places in the Martial World and experienced many things. How can you not know of the 'Three Venoms of the World?' It is indeed well said: Nuns, arsenic and golden striped snakes, do not touch for heaven's sake! Nun is the first venom, arsenic is another, and golden striped snake is the third. And if you notice, among these three, nun is ranked number one. These words are common knowledge to the male apprentices in our Five Mountains Sword Alliance. '”

Dingyi's anger erupted like a volcano. She struck the table with her palm so heavily that it almost collapsed. ”What a damn load of…,” she swore loudly. At the last moment, she managed to control herself and did not spit out the dirty word.

Lao Denuo, who had already learned his lesson, was keeping his distance from her. Seeing her angry red face, he instantly took another step back.

Liu Zhengfeng sighed. ”Nephew apprentice Linghu had good intentions, but he may have gone a bit far making up so much nonsense. But let's look at it another way: when one talks with a villain like Tian Boguang, if he doesn't speak with conviction, it can't be easy to trick him.”

”Uncle-Master Liu, are you saying that big brother Linghu made everything up to fool Tian Boguang?” Yilin asked.

”Of course!” answered Liu Zhengfeng. ”How can we have such silly and rude sayings in our Five Mountains Sword Alliance? In one more day, it will be time for my hand-washing ceremony. I definitely want to have good luck. If anyone had any prejudice with regard to your respectful school, why would Sister Dingyi and all these nephew apprentices be so courteously invited to my house?”

Hearing these words, Dingyi was mollified. She acknowledged with a slight snort but complained, ”What a foul mouth this Linghu Chong has! I wonder what scoundrel taught him his manners.” Obviously, the hidden meaning behind her comment was that she thought Linghu Chong's Master, the Master of Huashan Sword School, was also to be blamed for his student's actions.

”Sister, please don't be angry,” Liu Zhengfeng said. ”That Tian Boguang has some top-notch Kung Fu skills. Nephew apprentice Linghu could not hope to beat him in a fight, and seeing that nephew apprentice Yilin was in great danger, he had to make something up in the hopes that the villain would let her go. Think, Tian Boguang has been to many places in the Martial World and has experienced many things. It is not easy to fool him. Now, there are certainly stupid people who are prejudiced against nuns; so nephew apprentice Linghu just used this as his hook. We live in this Martial World, and sometimes we have to do what is expedient. If nephew apprentice Linghu did not respect the Heng-Shan Sword School, if people of the Huashan Sword School, including Mr. Yue, did not sincerely respect the three senior Sisters, why would he try so hard to rescue an apprentice of the Heng-Shan Sword School?”

”Thank you for the kind words.” Dingyi nodded. ”So did Tian Boguang let you go because of that?” she turned back to Yilin.

”No,” Yilin shook her head.

”Big brother Linghu then said, 'Brother Tian, your Qing-Gong is the best in the world, but if you are cursed, you can never outrun your bad luck, no matter how good your Qing-Gong is.'

”Tian Boguang seemed a little tentative. He glanced at me, and then shook his head. 'I come alone and leave alone, going where I please. Why get so worked up? Since we have already seen this little nun, why not just let her stay here and be our company.'

”Right in that instant, a young man from the next table suddenly drew his sword and rushed in front of Tian Boguang. 'Are you…are you Tian Boguang?' he yelled.

”'I am. And?' Tian Boguang answered.

”'You evil rapist,' the young man exclaimed, 'I'm going to kill you! Everyone in the Martial World wants you dead, yet here you are, bold as can be. You must be longing for death!' He thrust his sword at Tian Boguang. The moves he used were from the Taishan Sword School sword style. And that was him, the apprentice brother.” She pointed at the corpse on the door plank.

”Chi Baicheng, what a good lad! Very good!” Priest Tianmen nodded.

Yilin went on with the story.

”Tian Boguang made a slight movement of his body and a knife suddenly appeared in his hand. 'Sit down. Sit down. Drink wine. Drink!' he said with a smile. Then he put his knife back into its sheath.

”No one knew exactly how it happened, but the apprentice brother of the Taishan Sword School had been slashed across the chest. Blood gushed from the knife wound. He stared at Tian Boguang, stumbled a little, and then fell down on the floor.”

She turned and cast a glance at Priest Tiansong. ”That Uncle-Master of the Taishan Sword School immediately rushed forward to confront Tian Boguang, and started a vigorous attack. The moves that Uncle-Master used were very good, but Tian Boguang remained sitting down and simply blocked them with his knife. That Uncle-Master attacked with over thirty moves, and Tian Boguang blocked every one of them while sitting down, never even bothering to stand up.”

Priest Tianmen's face turned dark. He looked at the apprentice brother lying on the door plank.

”Junior apprentice brother, was that villain's Kung Fu really this good?” he asked.

Priest Tiansong gave a long sigh and turned his head away slowly.

Yilin continued, ”Then big brother Linghu drew his sword and thrust it toward Tian Boguang as well. Tian Boguang blocked the thrust with his knife and stood up.”

”That can not be right!” Dingyi cut her off. ”Priest Tiansong attacked with over thirty moves, yet Tian Boguang did not stand up. Why did he stand up when Linghu Chong only attacked once? How could Linghu Chong's Kung Fu be better than Priest Tiansong's?”

”Tian Boguang had his reasons,” Yilin explained. ”'Brother Linghu,' Tian Boguang said, 'I look upon you as a friend. When you attack me, if I remain sitting down, it would be disrespectful. Although my Kung Fu skills are better than yours, I respect your personality, so no matter who wins the fight, I have to stand up to fight. But for that bull…bull-nose…well, it's a different story.'

”'Hmm,' big brother Linghu said, 'thank you for the courtesy. You are giving me too much praise.' Then he attacked with three continued thrusts. Master, the three thrusts were so swift and fierce, the flash of the sword covered Tian Boguang's entire upper body….”

”That is one of old man Yue's valued moves called something like 'Three Peaks of Mount Huashan'.” Dingyi nodded. ”It is said that the second thrust is fiercer than the first one, and the third one is even fiercer than the second one. So how did Tian Boguang fend that off?”

”Tian Boguang blocked one thrust and took a step back, blocked another thrust and took another step, so he stepped back a total of three paces. 'Nice moves!' he cheered, and then turned to Uncle-Master Tiansong. 'Hey, bull-nose! Why didn't you join him and attack me together?' Right after big brother Linghu began the first thrust, Uncle-Master Tiansong stepped back and just stood by the side, watching.

”'I am a gentleman of honor from the Taishan Sword School. Why would I humiliate myself by fighting side by side with such an evil rapist?' Uncle-Master replied coldly.

”'Don't mistake apprentice brother Linghu,' I could not help saying, 'he is a good person!'

”'He is a good person? Ha-ha, he is a wonderful person that commits evil deeds with Tian Boguang!' Uncle-Master Tiansong sneered.

”Suddenly, Uncle-Master Tiansong uttered a loud cry and then pressed his hands to his chest with a great look of disbelief on his face. Tian Boguang returned his knife to its sheath. 'Sit down. Sit down! Drink wine! Drink!' he said.

”Seeing blood seeping through Uncle-Master Tiansong's fingers, I had no idea what kind of magic knife move Tian Boguang had just used. I didn't even see him moving his arm or swinging his knife, and Uncle-Master Tiansong had already been wounded in the chest. The thrust must have been executed with extreme speed. I was so scared and started screaming. 'Don't…don't kill him!'

”Tian Boguang grinned, 'The little beauty says no killing, I won't kill you then!' he said.

”Uncle-Master Tiansong covered his wound with his hands and rushed down the stairs. Big brother Linghu was about to run after him and help, but Tian Boguang grabbed him. 'Brother Linghu,' he said, 'this bull-nose is too arrogant. He would rather die than asking for your help. Why go asking for trouble?' Big brother Linghu shook his head, let out a wry smile, and poured two full bowls of wine down his throat.

”Master, I was thinking, we Buddhists have five primary prohibitions, and the fifth one is the prohibition against alcohol. Although big brother Linghu was no Buddhist, it was still not good to drink wine nonstop like that. But I dared not say a thing to him, afraid that he was going to scold me and say something like 'Once one sees a nun…. '”

”Those insane words of Linghu Chong should never be mentioned again,” Dingyi admonished.

”Yes, Master!” Yilin answered.

”What happened after that?” Dingyi asked.

”'That bull-nose's Kung Fu is not bad at all,' Tian Boguang said. 'My attack wasn't slow, yet he was able to move three inches back and barely escape my deathblow. Taishan Sword School's Kung Fu has some real stuff. Brother Linghu, since this bull-nose ran away alive, you're probably going to have quite some trouble after today. I intended to kill him just now and save you from further trouble, but too bad, I didn't quite make it.'

”'I get into trouble everyday,' big brother Linghu said with a smile. 'Forget about the darn trouble. Let's drink. Brother Tian, if you had chopped the same way at me earlier – my Kung Fu is no match for Uncle-Master Tiansong – I wouldn't have made it out alive.'

”'I held back some when I fought with you,' Tian Boguang grinned. 'That's because I wanted to thank you for not killing me in the cave last night.'

”I felt very confused. Does that mean big brother Linghu was actually the winner when they fought in the cave, and big brother Linghu granted mercy for his life?”

At these words, everybody showed a disapproving face. They all thought that Linghu Chong shouldn't have been so courteous to Tian Boguang, who was such an evil rapist.

Yilin went on, ”'Last night in the cave,' big brother Linghu said, 'I had already tried my best. My skills are not as good as yours. How dare I grant you mercy?'

”Tian Boguang burst into a loud laugh. 'When you and the little nun were hiding in the cave,' he said, 'the little nun made a noise and I found out her whereabouts, but you were still holding your breath and I really had no idea that someone else was also hiding in the shadows. I was just about to grab the little nun and break all her prohibitions. All you had to do was to wait a little bit longer till I was fully enjoying myself, and then thrust your sword. You could have easily sent me on my way. Brother Linghu, you are not a twelve-year old boy; you know how things are done. I know you are a true man of honor who does not want to kill from behind one's back, that's why you only poked me slightly on my shoulder.'

”Big brother Linghu rebuffed him, 'If I had waited a little bit longer, the little nun would have already been humiliated by you. Listen to me. Yes, I get angry every time I see a nun, but since Heng-Shan Sword School is a member of the Five Mountains Sword Alliance, and you were attacking one of its members. Something like that can not be tolerated.'

”'Well,' Tian Boguang grinned. 'If you had just stabbed three inches deeper, I would have lost my whole arm. Why did you draw back your sword after you poked me?'

”'I am an apprentice of the Huashan Sword School,' big brother Linghu said. 'I don't attack people from behind. You chopped me in the shoulder earlier. I stabbed you in the shoulder as payback to get even, so we could fight a fair fight. Nobody would have any advantage on the other.'

”Tian Boguang laughed loudly. 'Great! I am glad to make you a friend. Come on, let's drink another bowl.'

”'My Kung Fu is not as good as yours, but my drinking tolerance is much better than yours,' big brother Linghu said.

”'Are you sure? I don't think so. You want a contest. Come on, let's first drink ten bowls of wine each,' Tian Boguang proposed.

”'Brother Tian,' big brother Linghu said with a frown, 'I thought you were a real man who wouldn't take advantage of others, that's why I wanted to bet on the drinking contest. But apparently I was wrong. I am really disappointed.'

”Tian Boguang looked at him from the corner of his eyes. 'How am I taking advantage of you?' he asked.

”'You know very well that I don't like nuns,' big brother Linghu said. 'Every time I see a nun I feel uncomfortable and lose my appetite. How can I still have a drinking contest with you?'

”Tian Boguang laughed again. 'Brother Linghu,' he said, 'I know you are trying every trick you can to save this little nun. But I love beautiful women more than my own life. I've picked this beautiful little nun, and I'll never let her go. If you want me to let her go, there is only one way to make me.'

”'All right, spit it out then,' big brother Linghu said. 'Even if I have to go up a hill of knives or swim in a pot of boiling oil, I'll do it. If I hesitate at your request, then I am not a true man.'

”Tian Boguang filled two bowls with wine. 'Drink this bowl of wine and then I'll tell you,' he said with a big grin.

”Big brother Linghu picked up the bowl and said, 'Bottom's up!' then bolted it down his throat. Tian Boguang also drank a bowl of wine. 'Brother Linghu,' he said, 'I see you as my friend. The rule of the Martial World is that there will be no molestation of a friend's wife. If you agree to marry this little nun…little nun…. '” Yilin's face blushed while she spoke out these words. She stared at her feet and her voice became lower and lower. At the last word, her voice was so low that people could hardly discern her words.

Dingyi struck the table with her palm and yelled, ”Nonsense! More and more obscenity! What happened after that?”

In a very soft tone Yilin said, ”Tian Boguang kept spouting nonsense. 'For a true man, once his word is given, even a wagon with four horses cannot drag it back. If you agree to marry…marry her, I'll let her go right away. I will also bow to her and apologize to her. There is no other way but that!'

”'Bah!' big brother Linghu rebuffed. 'Do you want me to have bad luck for the rest of my life? Never mention that again.'

”Tian Boguang then said a lot more nonsense such as that once the hair grows back, a nun is not a nun anymore, and a lot of other crazy words that are ridiculous to speak aloud. I covered up my ears and tried not to listen.

”'Shut up!' big brother Linghu cried out. 'Stop making such crass jokes. You are driving me insane! How can I still participate in the contest when I am going insane? If you don't let her go, then let's fight till one of us drops dead.'

”'You are no match for me in a fight!' Tian Boguang said with a smirk.

”'If we fight while standing up,' big brother Linghu said, 'I am not good enough to challenge you. But if we fight while sitting down, you are no match for me!'”

Everyone still remembered from Yilin's story that Tian Boguang blocked over twenty fierce attacks from a Taishan Sword School master, Priest Tiansong, without leaving his seat. It was quite obvious he was very good at fighting while sitting down. Apparently, Linghu Chong was intentionally trying to irritate him with these words.

”When one meets with such a villain, it might be a good idea to irritate him first before attacking,” He Sanqi said with a nod.

”Hearing these words,” Yilin went on, ”Tian Boguang did not get angry at all. He simply said with a grin, 'Brother Linghu, Tian Boguang admires your courage and personality, not your Kung Fu.'

”Big brother Linghu immediately followed, 'Linghu Chong admires your fast knife strokes while standing up, but not your fast knife strokes while sitting down.'

”'There's something you don't know,' Tian Boguang explained. 'When I was a young boy, my legs had problems. For two years, I was only able to practice my knife skills sitting down. Fighting while sitting down is actually my specialty. Just now when I was fighting the bull…bull…priest, I wasn't really deriding his skills; I was just used to fighting while sitting down, so I got lazy and didn't bother standing up. Brother Linghu, you are not as good as I am in this department.'

”'Brother Tian, there's something you don't know either,' big brother Linghu also started explaining. 'Because of the problems of your legs, you had to practice your knife skills while sitting down for two years. That was only two years. My other Kung Fu skills are not as good, but fighting while sitting down, I am really better. I practice my sword skills while sitting down every single day. '”

At these words, all eyes turned toward Lao Denuo, all wondering, ”Is there really a special Huashan sword form that is practiced while sitting down?”