Chapter 70 - Giving In (1/2)

I sat up straight so I could look at Al's face. Dejection was written all over it.

”That's not it. I think you deserve better.”

I really, truly did. Al deserved the best possible person for him and it wasn't me.

”Nobody in this world could be better for me than you,” he said stubbornly as he stared back. I could practically see his resolve tangibly surround him like a wall.

”Al…”

”I don't expect you to love me; I just want to be near you. Can't I do that?” he pleaded softly before sighing and rubbing his forehead.

”This is why I didn't want to tell you but you just had to trick it out of me. What was the point of that? Satisfying your own curiosity? Weren't things fine the way they were?”

Again, I had no explanation since I wanted to gauge where he was at to figure out what to do about Marcy. Since that was off the table, now what? I could admit where I went wrong.

”I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.”

”Well, I can't regret it completely,” Al admitted, holding his hand to his head in a way that obscured his eyes. ”You wouldn't have kissed me otherwise.”

My cheeks flamed and I buried my face in my hands. Could we not have this conversation while I was sitting on his lap? Mentioning the kiss made me think about his lips and how close they were to mine right now.

It would be too easy to kiss him again. What on earth was wrong with me? I was not that kind of girl, okay?!

I tried scooting onto the other side of the couch but he stopped me by holding Burrito Katie tightly. My knees and elbows were bent underneath the blanket so I was truly stuck.

”What are you doing?”

”Holding you hostage.”

”Why?” I asked nervously.

”Because I want the truth about how you feel. I'll let you go afterwards,” he said firmly. His expression was more somber than I had seen it in a very long time. Probably since before I came to the palace.

My heart stuttered. How did I feel? What did I want from Al? What did I want, period?

This novel was a mess and I didn't know if I even had the heart to fix it anymore. So if I disregarded the fact that I was in a novel that should follow the plot, what did I want to do?

The sparkle of my wedding ring under the lamplight caught my attention. It was a sapphire surrounded by a halo of flower-shaped diamonds that had been part of the royal treasury for generations. We were married. I was allowed to kiss him if I wanted to.

My problem was a moral one—is it really okay to kiss somebody you don't have feelings for? Or should it be used as a way to try and grow feelings? Could I abandon my principles and make the best of it like Mariela?

I probably wouldn't find anyone else who felt like a normal person in this world. I knew Al and liked him as a person. He understood me better than just about anyone. I had fun with him. And I wanted him to be happy—what would make him happier than sticking to the original plan of escaping this place and living simple lives together?

Was I crazy? I was actually considering staying married to him even though I was absolutely against arranged marriage!