Chapter 81 - Seventy-Seven (1/2)

I wish I could have said that, as a mature a.d.u.l.t, as an older brother, as a calm hunter, I had reacted well to the news, that I stayed calm and asserted the situation in a very mature way.

But I didn't.

I got so angry that I lashed out on everybody, on everything, so furious that my blood seemed to be as thick as ink and my muscles tensed up, and yet at the same time my mind was blank of thoughts, as if so overtaken by my anger that all I could do was feel, react and let that livid boiling feeling control my actions.

Because God knew that I could not afford to think, I could not stop to ponder and wonder what could be happening to my brother right at this moment, the fear, the anguish, what they could be doing to him, or already done even; or rather, if he was still even alive at this point.

So better get angry and only react, be lead only my instincts like a wild animal, unaware of the passage of time, of how I got back to the now broken house after staying in the woods trying to track them down in vain for I don't know how long, to see all the others there, being treated by Isa, because I just-I don't- I couldn't…

On that third day was when I finally calmed down enough to stop in place, enough so that my eyes would not have only a glint of killing intent against everything and everyone, nor would I be pacing about and breaking trees just for the sake of it, upturning stones and leaving a path of destruction behind.

Yet, while sitting on the balcony, my legs could not stop moving, and my eyes, behind my folded hands, were still staring at the horizon, unblinking, like a tiger lying in wait and ready to pounce at the sight of any disturbance.

I did not react when someone sits beside me though, all too aware of who it was before even taking a whiff of his smell; the only one who dares, or had the courage to, approach me in these last days.

Leonel says nothing, knowing better than try and reason with me at this point, only reaching out with his hand and intertwining our fingers in a strong reassuring grip.

And that small kind gesture seemed to be the last drip of water needed to make me overflow.

Before I could hold myself back my emotions seem to sink in all at once, spilling over, all the sadness and panic that my anger held inside me for the last days bubbling up and trying to suffocate me, making it hard to breathe as choked sobs try to leave my throat, getting stuck in between.

”I… I-!”

I don't need to say anything as Leo turns me around and hugs me tight, burying my head on his chest and engulfing my body with his warm and strong arms, his smell surrounding me. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I could only panic.

”I-I so scared… Of losing him.”

”Uhm.” He mumbles, agreeing and rocking me ever so slowly on his lap as I keep mumbling my worries at him, so out of it that I didn't even understand the meaning, the trust, that I had put on Leonel for opening up like this, nor could I keep track of what I was saying anymore.

”I don't… God, what could they be doing with him now, he must be so scared and lonely, he must be waiting for me to save him but I don't even know where he went! I don't even know where to start searching for him! I-I'm so lost…”

At this point tears were already streaming down my face, but I was so close to Leo that they didn't even get the chance to reach my chin as they got caught up in Leonel's tunic, wetting it.

”I-I'm sorry, y-your tunic…”