Chapter 50 - Forty-Eight (1/2)

The next days after that talk I ended up avoiding Leonel, especially staying alone with him, and every time that happened he would look down, knowing what I was doing and looking sad for it, but thankfully he respected my actions and didn't force the situation, even though I felt bad for doing it, is just that… it was too much.

Even worst, I didn't know how I would react if he didn't gave me space… and I really needed some time to organize the chaos that my heart and mind were, so I kept myself busy, training for the plan, ignoring the fact that… Leo had just somewhat confessed to me right? And not with a simple I love you, but in an even deeper level that I didn't know to be possible, like lovers from past lives or something, though he didn't came from another world like me apparently, just stayed in this realm.

So this mean that technically I'm here for a second time? Or even more that we weren't aware of?

Ugh, my brain.

In the end his words kept repeated in my mind, especially this part: Because you are not running away anymore, because you are not denying, because I believe that, now, I may have a chance.

Was I doing that? Giving him a chance without realizing it? Or he had his hopes up because of is rebirth? Because he could try again with a different me and a different him?

Worst of all, did I want to give him a chance? Us a chance? There was even a us?

God I don't even… I never thought of relationsh.i.p.s, really. Firstly when I was a hound I didn't feel attraction to others of my species; I think?; but as I never found one I don't really know for sure, though since my human memories started to appear more often I started to… be more attracted humans.

But to have a relationship? When I wasn't even human? Geez, that didn't even pass my mind!

”Pay attention number 13!”

I straighten my back at the same moment, holding in the wish to snap back at the instructor, looking aloof yet submissive as it was required to serve the nobles; to which she suggested were more than mere classes to behold.

She put them on a pedestal.

Bleh.

Today was the last day before we would attend the party finally! Only problem is that everybody was twice stressed and a pain in the ass for it.

Freaking nobles who had so many requisites as ”everything need to be perfect”.

But, well, what did I expect from those who lived in abundance while their people died of hunger and sickness outside these walls?

A dangerous mixture I tell ya! Many crowns had fallen for similar reasons.

Now, to end our clothes, and as a masquerade required, we choose the masks we were going to wear; animal themed; as the rest of the outfit was the same for everyone, consisting of black high heels with ribbons, a long silky skirt and a red tunic on the upper body, with cut sleeves to show off the shoulders, adding a golden line on the edges, making complex patterns like two snakes intertwined.

It was actually really pretty and contain, glad it wasn't something out of some old man kinks, like a sailor moon uniform or a bunny playboy vest.

That would kill the pride that I had left, uhm.

At least I got a cool mask; I choose – cough stole – the wolf mask. They were all in the same style, dark lines with a silver metallic shine to them, very cool.

When the night of the masquerade arrived, however, I could not avoid Leonel anymore, which made me more nervous and on edge than the plan itself for some reason.

We still haven't discussed about the conversation, nothing, we acted like that talk never happened, which helped and not at the same time; one part of me wasn't ready nor had even processed what he implied that night, but the other was always on edge waiting for him to bring the subject up.

Let just say that my nerves were a mess.

Now, with him by my side, silently waiting for the time of the party to come, I was nervous, and still I tried to focus on the task at hand, all the things I should keep an eye out and have learned beforehand.

Of course, however, that didn't work and my mind started overworking itself by overthinking.

Gosh, give me a break will ya?

But still… something was bothering me, well, actually a lot of things in that conversation were bothering me; the rebirth wasn't that difficult to accept being a reincarnated myself; but the part that he didn't say, that he only implied.

Did he… liked me? Did he loved me? Admired? I don't know, I don't know how your relationship was before, so how could I know? That lack of information was eating me alive; and maybe I was worried for nothing, right?

I needed to know.

”Leo…” I started, unsure, fixing my skirt and clothes, looking at myself in the mirror as I tried to fix my hair up so it wouldn't get stuck on the wolf mask. ”I want to ask you something.”

I didn't see him reacted as I had my back towards him, who stood by the window, but I could tell he heard me.

”The other night… What did you mean by that? I… I understand what you said about being reborn and we knowing each other before and all but… what, what was our relationship like? And what do you want it to be like?”

There, I said it. The relief I felt for finally getting the questions out in the air was soon substituted my anxiety and nervousness; Why the heck did I ask that? I shouldn't have been so direct, it gave the wrong impression that I wanted it to be something else.