Chapter 238 - Dysphoria (1/2)

In the darkness of the night, and the symphony of midnight rain lulled every soul to slumber, Maxen and Olivia found themselves staring at each other.

While Maxen was all ears and ready to listen, Olivia, on the other hand, was having a hard time spilling her heart out.

It's not that Olivia didn't trust Maxen, or his opinion didn't matter to her. But telling somebody her concerns was something she wasn't used to since she grew up doing things on her own and deciding things for herself.

The truth is, she could feel it. She could feel the water rising from her neck up to her chin, drowning her.

And if she refused to share her worries, by reaching out for a hand to pull her up from the water, she would truly then be swallowed by the tides of her contemplations.

Propping herself up with her elbows, she eventually sat on the bed with her knees brought closer to her c.h.e.s.t.

She thought there was no other way but to shed off her thoughts that were weighing her down.

Olivia trained her gaze on the ceiling when she felt a knot squeeze in her c.h.e.s.t.

It was numbing and painful at the same time, she felt her eyes dampen as she spoke. ”Sometimes I ask myself why am I doing things? Why do I have to keep pushing myself to prove my worth? I'm not even happy. I'm just… floating.”

”Baby,” Maxen trailed off. Their gazes met for a brief second, and he felt his heart painfully squeeze in his c.h.e.s.t when Olivia forced a small smile.

”It's okay. You don't have to say anything, Max. I just wanted to share this dysphoria… or whatever this is, with you but it doesn't mean you have to solve it for me.”

Maxen reached out for Olivia's hands that were resting on her knees. He wanted to hug her and envelope her with his comfort, but he sat frozen in his spot.

What could he possibly say to a person whose frame of mind was an impenetrable fortress?

Sure, you could utter all the positive and uplifting words you could string together but Maxen knew and Olivia knew that the key to her questions lies within herself.

Maxen sighed, not because of helplessness over Olivia's plight, but somehow, he was thankful that she was expressing herself more than she ever did.

He saw how Olivia slaved herself on the daily to achieve her goals. Her schedule was brimming with calls, meetings, and meals with family and friends.

Olivia's lifestyle kept her busy. It kept her on her toes, and it became a drug which gave her energy to get out of the bed in the morning. And so, he thought. That was why it never crossed his mind that Olivia felt a void in her life.

Maxen swallowed the guilt that blocked his throat. Deep in his heart, he admitted that he contributed to Olivia's confusion and mountain load of stresses.