Chapter 261 (1/2)

Chapter 261: Chapter 261

I was getting short of breath more and more. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I felt like the nightmare of my past tied up my tongue. The more I thought I had to say something, the more my head was messed up.

What should I do? What should I say first?

When I was struggling to say something, I suddenly felt he tightened his grip on me. Only then did I come to my senses.

‘Stay calm, Aristia.’

I took a deep breath, catching my short breath up to my chin. After calming down first, I carefully sorted out my messed-up memories. I first rearranged my past memories in chronological order, then differentiated between what I could tell him and what I could not.

‘But can I really tell him?’

Suddenly, I was in doubt. If I told him the truth, could he believe me? Wouldn’t he think I was only talking nonsense because I didn’t want to tell the truth? What if he would be angry with me, blaming me for insulting him and the imperial family? In retrospect, even Allendis, who valued me so much, could not believe what I said.

Besides, it would be a problem even if he believed me. Do I need to bring out the memories that I need to keep to myself? Even now he is in distress because of me. He is not the old him that I used to know, though I clearly remember what he had done to me. Can I hurt him when he doesn’t know anything about himself in the past? Even if I tell him, I can’t accept him anyway.

I bit my lip hard. No matter how much I thought about, I thought it was better for me to keep silent for the sake of him and myself.

“… I have nothing to say. ”

“… Aristia. ”

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I have nothing else to say. ”

“Oh my…”

As I said that after a long silence, he pressed me to be honest with him as if he was frustrated.

“Please, Aristia. You must be hiding something in your heart. ”

“…”

“Won’t you tell me anything? Why are you so cruel to me?”

“…”

“If you can’t tell me just because of the friction between the rival factions or what happened to you the other day, let me protect you. I will make sure you are not hurt under any circumstances.”

“…Sorry, Your Majesty. ”

Tears welled up in my eyes at his repeated pleading, but I held back them by biting my lip.

Even though my rejection might torment him for now, I couldn’t allow him to suffer like me for the rest of his life

Was it because he took my attitude differently? After keeping silent for a moment, he said in a subdued voice, “Then why did you act like that until now? I thought you were interested in me. Was it just my illusion? ”

“…”

“Or do you have so much to hide from me that you can’t open your heart to me? If you are not, did I not build your trust in me even as I begged you?

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t say sorry anymore. I’ve heard it enough.”

When I closed my lips at his apparently angry voice, he caught his breath for a long time as if he wanted to calm down his emotions.

While struggling to straighten up because I felt like curling up, I kept fidgeting with the hem of my skirt. Maybe I did it because I could not see his expression as he hugged me from my behind.

“… What do you want? Do you want me to officially break up my engagement with you?”

“…”

“I think you want it because you are not denying.”

“…”

I just dropped my head because I had nothing to say.

At that moment, he pulled away his arms wrapped around me. I could not feel his warmth any more. Instead I felt some sort of chill, which made my body tremble unconsciously.

Why should I feel chilly now? Is it because he disengaged from my body? Or is it because I turned myself away from him to the end?

“Aristia, I will ask you one last thing.”

“… Please go ahead.”

“Can you see me living with another woman? Are you sure you won’t care at all? Can you watch me calling her the empress and living with her for the rest of my life?”

My heart ached because I vividly recalled him treating Jiun friendly one day in the past. When I saw them right before my eyes, I could hardly stop moaning. I could feel a swift surge of anger. The hem of my skirt I grasped tightly was crumpled in an instant.

‘Come to your senses, Aristia! You were already prepared for this. Why are you showing such a knee-jerk reaction?’