Chapter 250 (2/2)

Why do I feel so heartbroken? Why do I feel so bitter?

I was biting my lips because I couldn’t understand it, but something crossed my mind suddenly.

Oh, I see. I could not make him smile at me warmly because I might be infertile. That’s why I was so heartbroken. Yes, that’s the reason.

In the past, I wanted him to smile at me warmly. When I learned that I was pregnant, I prayed earnestly that he could come back to me. I just thought of my baby as a means to get back his love. So, even when I lost my baby, I felt heartbroken about the fact that I could not get back his love.

My heart ached so much when I saw Frincia looking down at her baby with a satisfied smile as if she had everything in the world. If I had delivered a baby safely and held in my arms, how would I have felt? Would I smile happily like her?

I lifted my arms and hugged the air as if I hugged a baby.

I didn’t even cry even though my baby vanished like that.

Ah, yes, I was such a cruel woman. Even when I knew that I might be an infertile woman, I was ashamed rather than sad, which I realized only after I saw her and the emperor chatting friendly.

Suddenly, my eyes began to blur with tears. My heart ached because of sorrow, regret and guilt. torn. I recalled my lost baby and abandoned love, the High Priest’s words that I might not get pregnant in my second life, and the emperor’s reassurances that he would protect me in return for my staying with him.

If I had been in good condition…

What would I have felt if I really had accepted his heart?

I conjured up a beautiful scene in my tearful eyes, with him looking at me warmly and me smiling at him brightly, and my baby held in my arms. I was imagining such a warm, happy and beautiful scene like that.

A tear rolled down from my blurred eyes. In no time a stream of tears flowed down my cheek.

I covered my mouth with both hands to stop my weeping from coming out. Without thinking of wiping my tears, I wept silently like that.

How much time passed?

I suddenly came to my senses when Frincia told him she was leaving. When I was about to turn after wiping my tears, my eyes met his. Rising from his seat quickly, he came to me in a hurry.

“What…”

“… Your Majesty.”

“What happened to you? I asked you to excuse us for a minute…”

“Sorry, Your Majesty. I think I showed you my ugly ….”

I hastily lowered my head, swallowing my uncontrollable sobbing. He already saw my eyes wet with tears, but I didn’t want to show him.

“Please raise your head.”

“… ”

“Aristia.”

He gently lifted my face after calling me with a sigh. Tears came out again when he looked at me with a worried expression, so I covered my mouth with both hands to stop the sobbing. Watching the tears rolling down my hands, he said, looking angry, “Take off your hands.”

“… ”

“…Just cry as you wish. Don’t care about manners.”

When I sobbed, shrugging my shoulder, he looked at me and pulled me close with a deep sigh.

Then he whispered into my ears, holding me tightly in his arms, “I won’t hear anything if I do like this. So, just cry out instead of holding back your tears.”

Did his words do it? My sobbing now turned into something like a scream. Sorrowful tears fell from my eyes when I felt his warmth in his close physical contact with me. I felt heartbroken when he was so different from the old him because he was now so kind and so warm.

I couldn’t escape from the illusion lingering in front of my eyes. The heartbreaking images of me, him and our baby smiling happily between us kept hovering in my mind.

How good it would have been if he had been like this back then! If he had, I would not have suffered or endlessly refused to hurt him because of this kind of image that occasionally came to my mind. If he had been like this, I could have loved him freely and showed affection for my lost baby. Then, everyone could have been happy.

I was sad because I could not accept the fact that I could not accept his concern and attention to me now, which I would have been so happy and grateful for. My sorrowful tears kept coming out because I felt so warm in his arms as he pat me gently and hugging me tightly