Chapter 225 (1/2)
Chapter 225: Chapter 225
“Don’t you still realize it? In the end you and I were used by him. You served him while you were alive, and I was a tool to hurt you which I hated so much. Besides, what he realized belatedly was not that he loved you, but that he wanted a competent woman like you and the support of your family.”
“Hmm. So what? ”
“You still don’t get it? In other words, he said he loved me so much, then he changed his mind after four years. He was a very selfish man, who became almost crazy after pursuing the traces of a woman who was gone.”
I sighed.
‘Was he really that type of person?’
Even if I didn’t hear more, I seemed to know how he and Jiun in the past had ended. He couldn’t give or receive love properly, while Jiun received love and couldn’t give it back.
The two were so selfish.
I smiled bitterly when she spat out abusive words about the old him when she didn’t even realize how she was back then. I felt so much better, but at the same time I felt bitter when she said that he pursued the traces of my love, so much so that he became almost crazy. Did he want me so much when I was gone when he didn’t care a bit about me when I wanted his love so much?
I was surprised. When she asked me if I was curious, I was agitated and nervous, but after hearing from her about his past, I felt calm, to my surprise. I wasn’t angry, vexed or resentful.
I wasn’t happy or sad when I realized that he, who I loved so much, wanted me belatedly. I only felt bitter about it.
“… knew that he was a selfish person. I know he wasn’t good, but…”
“But what?”
“You are as selfish as him, aren’t you? You were no different from him, and even now you’re the same.”
“What the heck are you talking about?”
“I understand that he was such a mean person in the past. But now he is different. Don’t you get it? The place you live in now is not the place in the past anymore.”
“No, it ‘s the same. And he is the same person. ”
I had mixed feelings. If I hadn’t run to my father, blindfolded by passion, after I came back, if I had acted carefully like I did before, if I had pursued something without appreciating the preciousness of people around me like I did in the past, I would certainly have been like Jiun as she was now.
“Do you really think it’s the same? Do you think the present you have experienced for the past one year after returning is really the same as the past? Maybe you don’t want to admit it, but you know that they are different. ”
“No, it’s the same to me! Same! ”
“Good. Let’s assume you are living in the same place as before. If so, won’t you become unhappy again in the end even if you became the empress? Why are you so obsessed? What would you do if your current life ends unfortunately like it did in the past? Will you come back again? ”
“… ”
“You now look like a whining child who wants to be rewarded by somebody. But remember that you are barking up the wrong tree.”
“…Don’t be ridiculous.”
As if she was at a loss for a moment, she said, gnashing her teeth, “You’re just rationalizing by saying that it’s different because you just want to love him again.”
“Rationalizing?”
“Yes. He raped you, aborted your baby, killed your father and your family dependents, ruined your family, and finally killed you. Isn’t it normal for you to hate him so much and get even with him? Are you crazy?”
She was right. I, too, thought about what he had done to me in the past.
At first, I didn’t want to lose my father’s love that I realized only after returning, so I couldn’t even dream of getting even with him. When I realized that he was different from the old him, I tried to clear my mind as much as possible. I was so upset about him, who couldn’t remember anything, but I decided not to repeat the pain of the past, caught up in that memory.
When Jiun asked like that as if she couldn’t understand me at all, I replied after some angst, “… At the time, I didn’t value anybody including my father and family dependents. Even my father was not important to me at that time. The crown prince was the only person that was precious to me.”