Chapter 153 (2/2)

“As I was embarrassed, your mother pinky swore, saying this was a secret between her and me. Your mother was such a bright and warm woman. She was also strong enough to scold the crown prince of the empire.”

He paused for a moment after he was done talking. I, too, fidgeted with a silver spoon silently. Looking at the empty glass, he got up and reached out to me.

“I think I have held you too long for my greed. Let’s go. I will escort you to your carriage. ”

“…Thank you, Your Majesty. ”

I felt somewhat strange about this young man who was kind enough to tell me a rare episode about my mother, but I just walked up to the wagon with him silently.

When I was about to climb the wagon, telling the horseman that I was sorry for having kept him so long, I felt him tightening his grip on my hand..

“What they call the so-called blood…”

“Pardon?”

“I don’t think blood is so important. I don’t believe the family pedigree is that important. Never.”

“…Your Majesty.”

“So, I hope you can think so, too.”

The door closed, and I felt the wheels rolling smoothly in no time.

Left alone in the carriage, I slowly closed my mouth. His desperate expression and his words deeply touched my heart. I was choked up with tears. I felt my eyes getting wet.

Did he tell me about his memories of my mother because he wanted to convey that message to me?

He was clumsy in confiding in me, but he was serious, which touched me deeply.

Although I was worried by the appearance of Jiun and the possible repetition of my fate, along with the pressure of my restlessness on my mind, I was deeply moved by his warm consideration, who comforted me by telling me the fact about my mother after discovering that I was deeply concerned about my mother’s mysterious birth.

My eyes suddenly welled up with tears.

Even before I wiped them, hot tears fell on the hem of my black dress. I was surprised by the fact that as the foremost royal family member who had to value the importance of family blood, he didn’t blame me, and that he went to the trouble of telling me an episode about my mother.

I was grateful to his thoughtful consideration of me, but I was scared at the same time.

I was so sad because I could not repay his sincere and warm consideration that I had been longing for so much. I was still too weak-minded to overcome fear of him and come nearer to him.

Can I love him again if I tried even now? Can I get out of the fear that I might be abandoned someday?

No. Perhaps I will never be able to trust anyone completely because it won’t be easy for me to forget my past of when I was so miserably abandoned by the one that I devoted myself to and loved so much.

Even if I realized that he was different from the old him before my return, I couldn’t be confident enough to live with him without recalling my harrowing experiences in the past as long as I was with this man with the same face and the same voice.

No matter how much I didn’t want it, it was clear that the memories of my past would haunt me from time to time.

‘Think about it, Aristia. Do you think you can completely heal all those memories of the past? ‘

If one is wounded, it leaves a scar even if it is healed. Likewise, it was clear that I could move forward, burying my past memories, but it would be impossible to live as if nothing had happened in the past, so I could never live with him.

I grabbed my chest as I felt so heartbroken, with hot tears flowing down my face.

Heavy rain poured down from the gray sky. The sound of rain pattering on the hard earth and the sound of the leaves hitting the raindrops were heard. I was captivated by the transparent water droplets falling on the glass windows. The sound of their friendly conversation was fading away gradually.

I was smitten with the peace of silence that seemed to exist alone in the world.

I lifted the mug placed on the table and sipped red tea. I enjoyed hibiscus’ unique sour taste in my mouth. While I was drinking hot tea and looking at the rain outside the window, I suddenly remembered what happened last fall.

One day when I attended the National Founding Day festival, I remembered looking out the window in the autumn rain and having tea with the crown prince at the palace.

‘Even though I didn’t talk with him at all, I felt like I was sharing something with him during the long silence.’

At that time, I did not know how he felt, but it was a peaceful moment for us.

What is he doing now?