Chapter 95 (2/2)

“Lady Monique?” He asked in a subdued voice.

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“When you look at me, I feel you are comparing me to somebody.”

I was startled to hear that. Like he said, whenever I saw him, I was always comparing him with the old him in the past, something like ‘Oh, he is the same here, different there when compared to him in the past.’ To my surprise, he already noticed it.

“Can’t you see me as I am now?”

“… ”

“I don’t know who is the object of my comparison, he or they.”

“…Your Majesty.”

“I want you to know that what you have seen in me is my true self.”

My lips trembled. I tried to say something, but when he got up, he turned away without looking at me.

When he gradually disappeared, I suddenly felt frustrated and sad. My eyes were welled with tears. Although I sat alone in the empty lounge, with nobody around, I tightly closed my lips for fear that somebody might hear me sobbing. I raised my trembling hands and covered my face.

What he said before he left was absolutely true, though I tried to ignore it. I knew he was getting better in his words and deeds, but I was always checking his present activities against what he did in the past. Even though I vowed I would escape from him, I used to compare him with the old him. Obviously, the way he acted to me now was completely different from what he had done in the past, but I continued to reflect on my memories of him in the past when I was with him. In the end, I enjoyed doing so. I thought I overcame my trauma when I didn’t feel repulsive about him and when I could confidently compare him with the old him.

Was I mistaken? I was short of breath. Suddenly, one question came to my mind when I was taking a breath.

Then, who did I pin my hope on when I entertained it a moment ago? Was it him now or the old him? If I had hope in the old him, was I still holding on to my ties with him in the past that I tried to cut off so desperately?

What he said kept hovering into my ears. The old him and he now and here, and me.

I felt dizzy.

“My Lady, please wake up!”

“… Lina.”

“My lady?”

Starting today, I was supposed to report to work at the Knights Division, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open. My voice was hoarse. Approaching my bed in a hurry, she touched my forehead and said in surprise, “My lady, you have a fever! Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

“Really? I felt fine until yesterday. ”

“Wait a moment. I will tell your father.”

‘Oh, you don’t have to do that.’ I thought to myself.

I thought I didn’t feel good because I was very much agonized over what he said to me late into the night yesterday. I tried to raise my body, but I couldn’t strain my arms. My father came in with a surprised look when I was struggling to get up.

“Tia, I’ve just heard that you are sick. You looked fine just yesterday, but it looks like you overworked yourself these days. ”

“Dad.”

“You have a high fever. Take a rest today. ”

“But I have to report to work, starting today…”

“Let me tell you boss about your condition.”

He came to the side of my bed, gently hugged me as I tried to get up and had me lean on his chest. He said, touching my forehead, “I have to call a doctor.”

“Oh, no, Dad. I will be alright if I rest well. ”

“Okay, then take a rest. If the fever doesn’t go down in the afternoon, then let me call a doctor.”