Chapter 36 (2/2)

“It’s been a while, Tia. I was going to ask if you were keeping well, but you don’t look good.”

“Well, so so.”

“Why do you look so pale? I’m sad,Tia.”

Looking a bit tired, Allendis approached my bed and kneeled beside it.

He held my shaking hands, “I’ve come here to tell you something, but you look too tired. Should I leave?”

“Oh, no. I’m a little tired, but I can talk with you.”

“Are you really okay?”

“Yes, don’t worry.” When I smiled feebly, he felt sympathetic.

“So, are you prepared now?”

“Yes, sort of.”

“I’m sure you must have been distressed as your father was away.”

“Well, a little.”

I could say I was very distressed, but I didn’t. As he looked at me anxiously, he gently patted my hands and comforted me. I smiled gently, feeling his warmth when he touched my hands.

There was silence for a long time. He said he came here to tell me something, but he kept hesitating, as usual. What was he trying to tell me? The moment I tried to ask because I couldn’t wait anymore, Allendis said with a determined expression, “You know, Tia. Actually, while I was talking with Lars, I came to hear about your condition until now. ”

“Huh? What are you talking about? ”

“Well, I heard you were very sick. I also heard that you seemed impatient as if you were being chased by somebody.”

“… ”

“I was very upset after hearing that. I wrote a letter to you just in case you were sick. I really hoped you wouldn’t get sick.”

I had nothing to say, so I shut up. I listened silently to what he was saying.

“So, I think it’s still premature for me to say this. You might try to push me out if I say this, but I don’t think I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Huh?”

“Tia, just a little, a little bit is enough. Can you open your mind? Can’t you tell me what you’re thinking deep down?”

My face stiffened at that. I put my hands on my heart that started to beat faster and faster, pretending to be casual.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re always kind to me, but you never open your heart to me. So, I don’t know why you are distressed or what makes you feel stressed out or why you hate the crown prince or why you are trying to get out of the imperial family so desperately. I just don’t know anything.”

“Allen.”

“If you father were here with you, or if you had someone you can rely on, I wouldn’t be here like this. But your father is away and you don’t have anyone to depend on now. Obviously, you’re greatly distressed when you have to attend the crown prince’s coming-of-age ceremony tomorrow, but I really don’t know how to help you. I can’t find a solution because I don’t know.”

I began to feel nauseated. I closed my eyes to try to turn away from his emerald eyes.

‘Don’t tell him anything!’ Some cold voice deep inside me ordered me. ‘Are you going to open your heart to him because of his comforting words? What if you get abandoned again?’

This time another voice asked. ‘Can’t you believe in Allendis? Remember your vow that you would walk with people around you? Even if he knew that you’re hiding something, he’s asking you how to help instead of avoiding you?

‘Can I believe him?’

I was breathing faster and faster. ‘If you don’t want to be abandoned again, say no!’ Said the first voice. Another voice refuted it, but it was fading away gradually.