243 Comprehending the Self (1/2)

During the thirty-sixth incarnation, as Konrad climbed the ladder of society, the belief that one couldn't have it all slowly ingrained itself within his mind. That the cost of standing above all was, perhaps, too much to bear, and not worth the result. His beliefs wavered, and he instinctively started retreating.

But as he backpedaled, an invisible force blocked his retreat. That force contained his unwillingness to be at the mercy of anything besides his self. That force, the root of his ambition, transcended everything else, and shoved him back on the road.

He couldn't retreat and dared not advance. There, he stood, trapped in the maelstrom of his self, without an answer to his path and the perpetual reincarnation circle he knew nothing of.

Then it occurred to him, that perhaps, there was no need to seek an answer. That instead of floundering, he should just advance without looking back. And if mistakes occurred, build on them to grow further.

Again, as he reached the top of society, he met the eldest princess under a new identity. But as they fell for one another, and past lives repeated under new circumstances, Konrad realized she wasn't the problem.

He was.

Somewhere along the road, he'd forgotten why he set on the path and lost himself.

No, more accurate was that in all his incarnations, his reasons were flawed, and his methods laughable.

To reach the summit on the sacrifice of those he called ”beloved” was never the path he pursued, never the road he set out on. That summit was by no means supremacy.

It was failure under the guise of success.

The acme of mediocrity.

What point was there in owning all if no one remained to share it with?

None whatsoever.

Supremacy was nothing more than a shield allowing him to indulge his willfulness throughout eternity. Not a binding that required him to sacrifice what he treasured.

Such supremacy, he didn't want.

This time, Konrad didn't allow the sacrifice. He'd rather perish alongside the eldest princess than use her corpse as his stepping stone. First, they feigned separation, then, sowing dissent, split their enemies, and turned them against one another until they finally destroyed themselves and opened the road for Konrad's ascension.

Vast dominion and endless riches were all his. He ruled for fifty years and had twenty-three sons. But like all the rest, Konrad's mortality soon knocked on the door.

In his waning years, as he lied bedridden from a debilitating stroke, with the support of high-ranking officials, his seventh son forged a regency edit and had all his brothers put under house arrest.

He then falsified Konrad's will, murdered him, and usurped the throne. All his brothers were killed, alongside their mothers.

The thirty-sixth incarnation collapsed, and Konrad appeared in a world of hungry ghosts, each representing a soul he'd directly or indirectly harmed across all his incarnations. They gnawed his flesh and blood for one thousand years, urging him to relent and repent, but he never did.

Again, the world collapsed, and this time, Konrad appeared on top of a foreign world's highest mountain. From there, all could be seen.

A bald, middle-aged man dressed in the saffron robe of Buddhists sat beside him, holding prayer beads within his right hand, and forming a mudra with the left.

Without hesitation, Konrad sat at the man's right, ignoring him to enjoy the view below.

”Why such an ardent pursuit of supremacy?

Why not accept that one will always stand above you?”

The Buddhist monk asked.

”Why do I crave supremacy? Why can I not settle for a world where one shall stand above me? Honestly, I believe there are seven reasons.

First, greed. I delight in owning, in controlling the lives and deaths of those that surround me. I am greedy. Greedy for authority, power, wealth, glory, splendor, and pleasure.