365 On Their Own (1/2)
In the guest room, Nora was busy with her daughter. Xiu was trying to sleep but couldn't do so. She looked in Nora's direction and wondered, 'Isn't she tired just staring at the little girl? What exactly is she looking at?'
Of course, she couldn't understand Nora's feelings at all. Neither did she receive a mother's love nor did she know anything about a mother's feelings.
”I'm gonna get some water.” Xiu got up and left the room. She was licking her dry lips repeatedly because of how dehydrated her body was feeling after vomiting so many times during the day. It was a good thing that she didn't feel like vomiting now. But she wasn't feeling much better.
Nora saw her leaving and suddenly her eyes fell on the water bottle that was placed on the side table. ”Water is right here. Why did she go out then?”
Yes, Xiu had indeed used an excuse to get out of the room. It was partially an excuse. She indeed wanted to drink water but she also wanted to just get some fresh air since she couldn't sleep anyway.
She had just reached the kitchen when she heard the maids talking inside. She wasn't gonna eavesdrop but what she heard made her so shocked that she forgot to move. She just stood there staring into space.
”Oh, miss? Do you need anything?” one of the maids asked as she noticed Xiu's presence.
Xiu shook her head in a daze. Forgetting that she had come to drink water, she turned around and went towards Ah-Si's room. She had earlier seen where Xin Xiaoli took Ah-Si, she just followed the path and didn't even have to guess which was his room because his name was written on the door.
She knocked on the door and waited. Hearing his faint voice, she pushed open the door to see him sitting beside his window. The waned moonlight was falling softly on his bruised face. She didn't know how but his face wasn't swollen like she had expected it to be. But it was bruised badly now.
He was sitting on the carpet looking at the night sky with a blank look in his eyes. He didn't even notice Xiu's presence until she came to sit beside him.
”Hope you're not here to punch again,” he tried to joke with a smile but smiling made him wince because of the strain on his face muscles that she bruised earlier. Xiu pursed her lips and looked down. ”How's your hand?”
Xiu looked up at him now with an indescribable emotion. Was he for real? She was the one who hurt him and he was asking if she was okay or not?
”I'm sorry,” Xiu spoke after a moment of reflection making his raise his brows at her. ”I didn't know.”
”Didn't know?” he didn't understand what she was referring to.
Ah-Si chuckled at her reaction and shook his head at her. ”You've got it a bit mixed up there.” Xiu looked confused. ”I don't really have the fear of pain. It's the fear of emotional pain. And that too needs a trigger. For instance, guilt.” Her brows furrowed up at his answer. ”The night my mom died, only I was with her. I was seven back then. She had a heart attack and I couldn't call for help.” Xiu's heart stopped beating for a moment. ”Although my dad said that it wasn't my fault since mom was already sick, I was too young to believe that. I really thought I killed her.”
Exactly this was the reason why his emotions overwhelmed him earlier when Xiu said all that. He was resisting until she was just trying to beat him but he stopped all his resistance the moment she started talking. His emotional rush made his chest hurt badly at that time. That's why he felt like the physical pain made him numb but it was the aching feeling his heart that made him cry without his own control.
His eyes were still trained on the night sky as he continued, ”That's the reason I avoided confrontations all my life. You're right I should have waited longer for Nora to come around but I couldn't. I was scared that even if she did come around, she'll blame me for what happened between us that night. I honestly wouldn't have been able to bear it. So, I ran from it just like she did.”