Chapter 168 - Old Relief (1/2)

Lei Xing let out an exasperated sigh and was about to suggest calling for an Imperial doctor, when the Emperor suddenly looked back up at her with a frown and she froze.

”I want to ask you something...” The Emperor said with a deepening frown, which evolved into a glare as he seemed to be struggling with his thoughts.

He had not planned coming here to see her...at least not at the moment. But as he was on the long walk to his palace with his whirling thoughts. One thought which had been nagging at the back of his mind since last night suddenly became much louder than the rest, overpowering all the other thoughts. To the point, it became unbearable and he needed to get it resolved now and then.

So he came here.

He lowered his eyes again as he clenched and unclenched his fists, feeling anxious and steeling himself against whatever the answer came out to be. He looked up at Lei Xing who was scrutinizing him with a raised eyebrow, obviously perplexed with his behavior. He knew he was not like himself at the moment, but he could not help it. He felt lost and wanted to know...and honestly felt a bit afraid of knowing but he would and will get through it. He had to.

{...am I in the way?... If I am, I could -...fix it...for you...for you both...}

The Emperor let out a shaky breath and finally began, ”Answer honestly, there will be absolutely no repercussions. Th-the sword, I just forgot I had it, it's never for you...” He paused and took a deep breath, ”I just want some clarity...Do you feel anything for my brother?” He finished staring up at her with an earnest beseeching expression.

{...Drugged or not, why did you choose him? It could have been anyone or anything but why him? Do you really -...}

This time, Lei Xing did roll her eyes as her irritation surged back up and she said in a completely exasperated voice, ”I have told you that I have absolutely no feelings for your brother. That - He was the closest person there! There's no why or how to it! It was a just sorry coincidence! It meant nothing and I am sorry it happened and I don't know what else to say to you.” Lei Xing finished in one breath, all of a sudden feeling very tired and angry as she took deep breaths to calm herself.

The Emperor just stood there staring at her. And to Lei Xing, his lack of words and obscure expression showed disbelief and...it hurt her.

She glared at him feeling angry and aggrieved, then she lowered her head, not wanting to continue to look at him, not wanting to continue to see the accusation in his eyes. She bit her lower lip and frowned, her eyes were starting to feel hot and it further infuriated her. Now she was angry with herself.

{...If you dare cry, I will skin you -_-)...I'm not crying and neither do I want to, why the hell would I cry for a flip-flopping as***le?! It's just frustrating is all...He asked me to trust him but doesn't he know trust goes both ways. How the hell can I trust him when he can't trust me?... Okay, the same thing might be said about me, but that's why I'm not the one going around asking people to trust me!... And here I was thinking - I don't know what I was thinking...Forget it, screw it, screw him and his stupid face!...}

Lei Xing closed her eyes and tried to calm her anger and...disappointment. Then she felt a light touch on her cheek and opened her eyes and to see the Emperor in front of her. Still feeling upset, she did not want to look up at his expression and so refused to raise her head, but she did not move away from the hand that was softly rested on her cheek.

The Emperor knew he had upset Lei Xing by asking that, but hearing her words brought him immense relief. She refused to look up at him but he did not mind. He smiled and lightly rested his forehead on hers, closed his eyes and let out a breath he was not aware he had been holding. A heavy weight had been lifted off his heart.

{...Thank goodness...I couldn't have, I really couldn't...}

It again truly shocked him how important she had become to him. She was the most important thing to him. He could truly not imagine losing her.

Lei Xing at first went rigid, but then quickly relaxed. She glanced up at his face to see his eyelashes fluttering and his eyebrows twitching and then she went rigid again. She blinked, then gulped, then just stared at his face wide-eyed.

{...Is he crying? No, he's shaking. Shaking? Holding back tears? What? Why?!...No, people shake for various reasons, overcome with emotion? Emotion?... Ah, Ah, Ahhhh O_O)...I mean it's fine for him to be emotional or cry. It's fine to cry...It's actually good to cry, nothing wrong with crying. It's a good outlet, cry if you need to...But what am I supposed to do with a crying - it's shaking, emotionally overwhelmed human being? T_T)...}

Lei Xing really did not know how to handle emotional people. She made it a point to avoid such situations and in her mostly solitary life, it was rarely ever an issue. On the rare occasions she encountered such, she bumbled through it somehow...and she will today as well. She took a deep breath and steadied herself and stared at his bruised face, trying to sort out a direction.

Her gaze moved across his face, tracking the bruises and little cuts on his cheeks and jaw. She noticed some dried blood at the corner of his lip too and then frowned.

{...How the hell did he get this beat up?! He was a freaking general or something and that guy is a - was he ever anything? Yes, he's the dainty prince type!... How?!...*sigh* It must hurt...}