Chapter 112 - Despondent (1/2)

Jun Shan and his mother returned to their little courtyard and she tended to his wounds.

”Ow! It hurts...”

”It rightly should! How could you go to Empress's palace?”

Jun Shan pouted, ”I wanted to see Xiao Kai...Since he didn't come here so I went there, he doesn't seem happy ther -...”

She frowned, ”Even if he's not happy there, what can you do? You need to worry about yourself, what if you had gotten punished? You can't just barge into the Empress's palace as you like even if the Fourth prince is there...Also, his situation now is a bit...” She paused and sighed, ”If he's not coming here anymore, then you should understand that there's a reason for it. He can't do as he likes anymore... You have to be more careful. If anything happens to you, how do you want me to continue to li-...” She then stopped as she looked at Jun Shan's pouting expression and massaged her aching head.

Jun Shan then smiled, the scolding session was over, his mother was not good at being angry. He hugged her and promised, ”I'll be more careful...”

A few days later, his mother came down with a cold, an Imperial doctor came and checked on her, prescribed medication and said she will recover soon. Jun Shan stayed by her side every day keeping her company.

Unfortunately, her condition did not improve and one morning while he held her hand cheerfully talking about the places they were going to go once she recovered and he was old enough to leave the palace, he looked down to see her eyes had finally closed.

Jun Shan sniffed and continued talking about all the places she promised to take him...about how fun their lives will be once they left the palace, all the while fighting back the tears as her hand lost its heat in his. The Imperial doctor came to check on her, while Jun Shan just sat there looking at her face, still fighting back the tears. The Imperial doctor then pronounced her dead and ordered the servants to prepare her body for the funeral. Jun Shan stubbornly refused to let go of her and the servants had to wrestle him away from her body.

As they struggled, the tears he had been holding back began streaming down his face as he tightly gripped hugged her body calling for her, so overcome with tears he could barely get his words out. The servants eventually pulled him off and his mother's maid hugged and comforted him, restraining him as they took her body away and he bitterly cried for his mother, feeling abandoned, scared and alone.

Later, he knelt in the mourning hall in his white mourning robes, with only his mother's maid there with him. They had been here for hours and no one came. His mother was not important enough for the concubines to come to pay their respects and she was of no consequence to the other consorts...and his father, he was not even sure he was notified of her passing and even if he was, he probably did not care enough to come. To his father, he was a disappointment, therefore she was a disappointment.

He heard footsteps and turned around hoping to see his father, only to see Jun Kai and Eunuch Li approaching. He sighed and looked down, disheartened, as Eunuch Li and Jun Kai paid their respects.

Jun Kai then came to kneel beside him and quietly said, ”I'm sorry I can't stay long.”

Jun Shan glanced at him and then faced forward and knit his brows, ”I thought you were ignoring me...You don't need to stay, leave. After all, she's my mother, not yours.” He said sniffing and rubbed a hand over his eyes.

Jun Kai did not say anything and just knelt there quietly at his side, as Jun Shan covered his face and sorrowfully cried. His mother was gone and so were their dreams for the future, the life she wanted to give him and the life he wanted to give her, and the one she deserved.

After his mother's passing, he was no longer sure how he was supposed to live his life and was simply going about the motions of life apathetically.

”Useless!”

Jun Shan looked up at his father's disapproving glare and quickly got off the floor. He had just been knocked down by the Crown prince during their usual sparring sessions. He bit his lip as he felt his eyes getting hotter.

Their father looked at Jun Shan's face and scowled when he saw a tear roll down his face, ”That is unbecoming of a prince...And no son of mine should be seen with tears upon losing a battle. If you are truly that useless, then I would rather kill you myself to spare that disappointment.” Their father calmly finished.