Chapter 21 - Moving On (1/2)

{...*You have done well, little prince...sleep...you won't die...}

The emperor opened his eyes, immediately sat up in bed panting, his eyes frantically scanned around the surroundings and then he calmed down remembering where he was and then closed his eyes to calm himself.

The doors opened and Eunuch Li entered and looked at the emperor's pale face with worry, ”Your majesty, are you alright?”

{...Nightmares again? and here I thought he was okay with it all and maybe even excited...but it seems having women enter the harem must still be hard on him...but it's not something he can avoid forever...}

The emperor didn't respond. Eunuch Li moved to the side and poured some water and brought the cup to the bed and held it out to the emperor, ”Your majesty, have some water.”

The emperor opened his eyes, sighed and reached out to take the cup, but then noticed his hand was shaking and then quickly withdrew his hand and stood up, ”I'm going for a walk.”

Eunuch Li put the cup on the table and then helped the emperor put on a cloak and then they both went out of the room.

It was still dark outside, the emperor didn't go far but just walked around in his palace and then ended up standing alone in the pavilion by the lotus pond, staring at the moon's reflection in the pond.

Whenever he dreams of that day it always unnerves him and memories of the past whirl around in his mind. He had done everything she wanted, everything to please her.

She said study, he studied hard, by the age of 5 he had memorized various texts and strategy books.

She said to learn the qin and art, and he practiced every day till his fingers hurt. She said practice martial arts - he'd spar with Eunuch Li every morning, getting beaten to a pulp while she calmly watched on the side.

Whenever his father's wandering eyes went to another woman, he would get punished for not being smart enough, for not reciting fast enough, for playing the wrong tune, for his painting being ugly, for not being strong enough, for crying, for being weak...for not being perfect.

His punishments consisted of a whipping, then not being allowed to eat or rest until he perfected whatever she was not happy with, or until his father turned her way again, and if she got impatient then she would get his attention with a ”sick” child.

Although Eunuch Li tried to help him when he could, he was now her servant even though they were once childhood friends, his words could only do so much and when she was enraged she paid no heed to them at all.

His life comprised of study, practice, study...but yet he was still not good enough and even now, as emperor, he is still not good enough in her eyes.

He had realized earlier on that he would never be good enough in her eyes and he didn't care anymore. He thought to hate her and at one point he did, after all, even though he could understand her rage and hate, and felt sympathy for her, but in the end, none of it was his fault.

There's also the fact that he has a responsibility to Eunuch Li and the remnants of the Xia army who pledged allegiance to him and secretly supported him in the shadows all these years, for their sake, he can't hate her.

He had once thought his mother was a special case, until he was sent to live with the empress. while the empress didn't try to actively poison him, she had turned him to her seize the throne project, and his life was not much different from before.

It was then he realized that all the women in the harem were the same; unhappy, anxious and filled with rage, of course, most of their rage was directed at the other women and their children, and not at the emperor as his mother's was, but they felt rage nonetheless and all of it was his father's fault. He tightly fisted his hands as his thoughts reached this point.

{...A selfish egotistical man, who thought of no one but himself, because of his selfish whims so many people lived unhappy lives within and outside the palace...a despotic ruler who cared nothing for human lives, even those he claimed to ”love”...having the country wage war after war, without caring for the welfare of the people...jumping from woman to woman expanding his harem like it was a stupid game to him, without caring about the pain he was living in his wake...and then turning all citizens of captured territories into slaves...

...He was definitely on his way to ruining this country...creating the stage for the rebellion that would end him, which he deserved but the innocent lives that would be lost because of his useless self would have been many...

...Fortunately, fate couldn't wait for him to destroy himself...if not, who knows, maybe I would have eventually led the rebellion to cut off his head myself...hahahaha, my mother would have loved that, and more so chopping it off herself...the first thing she did after being released from the cold palace was to go to his tombstone and bitterly weep...

...To others it was the scene of a faithful wife mourning the loss of her dear husband that she had missed, but I knew she was grieving over the fact that he was gone and she wasn't the one who ended him...

...some would argue that he may have really loved my mother, at least he would...considering he kept returning back to her, when he never looked back at the many other women he piled into his harem, there's also the fact that she made multiple attempts at his life at random, and did many other cruel things he knew she did to get his attention, but he never punished her and always ignored it or covered it up...

...Until she went too far, and if not for the ministers requesting for her death, he probably wouldn't have banished her to the cold palace, vowing never to see her again to appease them and to keep her alive, and on her threat of ending her own life, sent me along to keep her ”company”...I'm sure if the ministers hadn't seen me that day, he would have sent me back to her...maybe that was his way of atoning to her...*sigh*, forget it...}

The Emperor sighed and moved to sit at the table in the center of the pavilion where there was tea on the side and paper and ink, he picked up a brush and began to draw.

{...It makes sense that I would dream of that...given what happened today...It's been a couple of years since I last heard that voice...but why did it happen with her?...now that I think about it, it must have also been responsible for that Empress ”proposal” idea...is that what it wants, for her to be my empress?...but why?...

...Not that I am completely against the idea, after all, she's Yong's sister...but I have my own conviction when it comes to that...while I can make concessions on a harem, I won't concede on that...I refuse to...

...It has only spoken up on four instances, five with yesterday...the first was that, after which I thought I must have imagined it and forgot about it...then I never heard it again until years later, right before my first battle where it spoke against the battle unit I joined, I had ignored it then, thinking it was own battle anxiety acting up, not to mention the experienced generals all advised that this was the best unit for me to join, the ”safest” one in their minds, so I trusted their experience...

...In the end, the ”safest” unit met with a surprise ambush, we were largely outnumbered and cornered for slaughter, but I had somehow survived, thanks to Eunuch Li's skills and I was quite skilled myself even then, until reinforcements arrived, I was heavily injured but I clung to life...hahaha, I am quite tenacious that way...the last thing I remember before blacking out was that voice going ”I told you not to go with them!” and then I remembered that past event and realized that IT was real...

...It was an astonishing realization, when I finally woke up a few days later, I tried hard to talk to it, but it never responded, again it was gone...like it never existed...It never responds when I call, never explains anything and just insists that I follow its advice...and every time it always led to the best outcome, victory! And of course, being alive hahaha...

...but even though it doesn't explain, I have always been able to rationalize the implication of its words...its purpose has always been saving me from imminent danger...but what imminent danger is having her here saving me from? Also, it had never sounded excited like it did last night...could she somehow be related to it...but how?...}

Eunuch Li came up to the pavilion, bowed and said, ”Your majesty, Commander An has returned.”

”Let him come.” The emperor calmly said without looking up from his drawing. Eunuch Li looked towards Commander An and nodded.

Commander An came forward and bowed in greeting, ”Emperor.”

”En.” The emperor simply responded as he continued to draw.

”They've met.” Commander An calmly reported.

”En, and the slave trader?”

”He has been taken care of.”

”Good.” The emperor said calmly, putting down the brush and scrutinizing his work

{...One less wretch in the world...if I had my way, they'd all lose their heads...soon...}

”Once he leaves the city, they no longer need to cover his tracks and have them leak his whereabouts to Lei Yong and pull back. ”

”Understood.”

The emperor looked up and handed the drawing to Commander An, ”Find out everything about this girl, she is the defense minister's eldest daughter, Lei Xing. Do it yourself, I want every detail.”

Commander An took the drawing and looked at it.

”There's no rush, so be thorough.”

”Understood.” Commander An bowed and left.

”Won't it be better to ask General Lei about his sister?” Eunuch Li asked looking at the emperor.

”There are some things he wouldn't be able to answer.”

Eunuch Li nodded and smiled, ”You seem particularly interested in this girl? Is there something special?”

”Who knows...” The emperor said as he poured himself a cup of tea.