90 What Had Disturbed Their Boss This Much? (1/2)
Since he had exceeded the original limit by so much already Su Yan would have found it pretentious to try and keep the story as short as possible. Thus he didn't think about the word count any longer and just started to look for places where he could add descriptions.
He didn't have to look long: The new first scene was extremely short and only focused on the things he absolutely needed to convey. Now that there was nothing restricting him Su Yan started off with painting a beautiful landscape with his words. Ah, he really felt like he could see those hills overgrown with medicinal plants, that lush bamboo forest swaying in the winds, the small ripples on the pond where Yun Bei Fen would live later on …
It was such a peaceful scene he wanted to weep. At the same time, his fingers had that itch again. Didn't a description of such a lovely place automatically raise a flag of future destruction? He should send the demonic cultivators over there to kill half the disciples and elders. Maybe Mei Chao Bing's Master could be the one leading them to add to the conflict …
Su Yan's hands moved to the keyboard but he stopped himself after just writing the first few words. Even if the system had lifted the limit of words, this was still supposed to be a short story. He couldn't add all those things just because he felt it would be cool. Actually, that wasn't what the story should be. It was supposed to be romantic. If anything, he should add something that helped to show that kind of feeling.
Angry with himself Su Yan deleted the few words and started to read further. The system had cautioned him that he should pay special attention to the main characters. There had been a short description for both of them in the first version already but even Su Yan himself figured that it was by far not enough for a romantic story.
Thus the new version ended up with more on that. And Su Yan didn't even settle for just one paragraph or two. He started out with more or less vague descriptions of when Yun Bei Fen and Mei Chao Bing had been young and then added another one when they met again on that mission. He only added specific details later in the story so it wouldn't seem like too much.
When he had finished he looked at his screen and pouted. Honestly, he already felt like it might be too much. With these changes there might only be one thing that stayed with the readers at the end: Yun Bei Fen evolved from an unknowing cute bun into an innocent lithe beauty. His appearance was what had other disciples pay attention to him while his simple character attracted Mei Chao Bing.
Thinking about it Su Yan sweatdropped. Wasn't this too cliched? He really felt like it was too much but it probably fulfilled the system's requirements.
It wasn't much better with Mei Chao Bing. He really had had especially hard to try to find yet another synonym for 'powerful' by the end. But in all romance stories he had read so far, that was always how it was done.
Especially if the story was set in a cultivation world, the protagonist had to be a great beauty able to fall cities with just one glance and bringing ruin to a country with a smile while the male lead had to be a supremely strong cultivator that was able to suppress others with just a glance. Naturally, he too was an especially good-looking person but his power was just even more defining than this.
So … These descriptions were probably appropriate?
Su Yan couldn't help but frown. He really was uncertain in regard to this. But what could he do? The system had made that suggestion. Well, he'd definitely get another rating from it so he shouldn't think further on that for now. He'd just see what the final verdict was. If it was too horrible, the system would probably let him have another go at it.