27 Dues ex machina (1/2)
Yeah well, the author couldn't think of anything decently funny so we are just skipping over the next scene where Dues-san has been calmed down by Sonohara rip-off. Congratulation, author-san! You just lost the last speck of respect I had for you.
”So,” now that Dues has been calmed down (a little), she says in an annoyed voice, ”What is it that you guys want?”
”Tsk!” seeing the expression on her face though, makes me annoyed too. ”Listen Dues ex machina, you maybe a little bit hot and all but that doesn't mean you can talk in any way you want to me.”
And so, like the genius I am, I decide the best thing to do is to go off the topic again.
”Oh?” she acts as if she's surprised and continues in a demeaning voice, ”Who might you be, if I may DARE to ask, human?”
I can definitely pick up sarcasm in there but not important as the next lines out of my mouth are about to destroy her.
”I am …” proudly standing up and using the gained height to look down on her, I say, ”THE PROTAGONIST-KUN!!!”
”…”
Say something, Goddamnit!
”Uh,” I act like I have lost composure. Yes, I act like it, okay? It's not actually true. I-It's not like I actually lost composure or anything, b-baka!
”Well, I guess your pesky minds cannot understand the true power that lies behind those words. No matter.” I say making weird hand expressions like Rintarou Okabe from Steins;Gate (again ripping off from a guy from rips off from others, but ignore that) and say, ”I am, also, the man this world was created for.”
”…”
”...”
”...”
”Wow! You really are arrogant if you think this world was created for you.” Dues simply stated with a blank expression.
”Call it arrogance or …”
”Dude! Shut up! You're embarrassing me.”
What!? Did Danny just say that? Did THAT GUY just say that to ME!? Well, I guess this isn't working, should probably stop.
”Hah!” I sigh and with a plain voice, continue, ”Look, the whole reason this world was created was because the author wanted to balance the dark thoughts that engulfed his mind because of writing something called Harlot Ream. For doing that balance, he needed to have someone who embodies him in the worst of his days, the guy who is the author in his most cringe moments. That guy is me. You people and this world wouldn't even exist if I didn't.”
And so I say, quite proudly. And then the realization hits me – if the author, who can actually write more than just this mess of a comedy, does not get any respect from someone like me, well, WHAT ABOUT ME?
”Ignoring whatever crazy monologue you are having,”
For the last time, Danny, never ignore my monologues, except if it's something like this. Ah, I'm glad you ignored me right now. Wait, that sounds weird!
”We are here for a reason,” Danny continues in a plain voice, ”We need a favor from you, Dues.”
He says as he looks at the 5'9 woman with a warm ivory skin and an athletic physique. She turns to us and as she does, I get a clear view of her face. Her face is diamond-shaped with her eyes being close-set and hazel in color. She also has a concave nose and the rest of the face is perfectly symmetrical to these features. All in all, she creates an image which, depending on one's perception, can be called ”Beautiful like an Angel” or ”Bewitching like a Demon”.
Which Dues ex machina was ripped off to create her anyway? I can't seem to remember any Dues like that? Did the author perhaps create an original design!? T-that's impossible. I mean, like, the guy thinks monolid-eyes are better than almond-eyes because they have this dark feel about them and that makes them look more badass. And I don't know how that makes him unable to create an original character design, but w-whatever!
BAM!
And so comes the voice of me getting my head hit by a frying pan of all things. Why the heck is there a frying pan here anyway?
”What the hell was that for?” I ask angrily as I look at the perpetrator, Danny.
”Because of your stupid urge to monologue BS, we have wasted more than half the chapter and the plot hasn't moved forward at all.”
I … see. That's … kinda problematic. I should probably stop monologuing now
…
…
…
….
Like hell! Why would anyone read this thing if stop monologuing!?