102 Fast growing cold (2/2)

Consort Nan was gone as well now. Xu Hexian was dead and so was Liu Suye. Hui Ziwang. Yang Sehan. Peng Jipei. Zhao Fanyu. Chen Anyue. All these names became like distant echoes from another life that became muddied with resentment and bloodshed.

And though the palace was still lively, it also felt painfully empty.

The emperor's voice pulled his thoughts back to the present, ”So are you here to end it all? My Sumeng.”

The name Yuan Xuelan was also dead. Liu Sumeng hadn't known in the past how dearly he would miss it. He was full of regrets.

His hand trailed off Xianlong and circled around Mingshui instead. Perhaps it was not time yet. Not yet time to bring it all to an end.

(A lie.)

Perhaps he could wait a little longer.

(He shouldn't.)

Perhaps Emperor Taixu- no, Xuelan could still be saved.

(He couldn't be.)

”Sumeng, what are you thinking about? Hey, do you think you can--”

End it. Please, end it.

But Liu Sumeng was too weak to end it when he should have. He drew Mingshui, it's silver brilliance had dulled so much over the years.

He allowed himself to take the brunt of the emperor's rage and sparred with him through the rest of the day and the night as well.

And when it was over they were covered with cuts, bruises, and injuries so deep blood seeped into the soil and pond, coloring them red.

Mingshui finally gave in, unable to journey further down with Liu Sumeng though the spiral of chaos and madness. It broke at the hilt, the blade shattering to bits. And the emperor stood before him with dilated eyes.

”Xuel-”

A slap hit him across the face, silencing him.

”Don't use that name,” and the emperor's voice was not angry and only tired. ”Don't use that name anymore...”

”...” Liu Sumeng was quiet. The person who stood before him with his head lowered and eyes staring vacantly made General Liu think of the boy he watched go astray. The person that accompanied him through his darkest times, the child who loved sacred treasures and spicy foods.

”Sumeng. Liu Chao. Can I call you that?”

The sky was dark and the flickers of flame that charred the once tranquil garden shined vividly against the black of night.

Liu Sumeng stood stiffly. He gave only a slight nod.

Silei clattered to the ground. Yuan Xuelan reached for General Liu's hands. He unfurled the fingers still clasped around Mingshui's hilt and pried the broken sword out of the Ivory Sword Saint's grasp. In a rare moment of lucidity, he looked at Liu Sumeng with a frown and when he drew in a breath, his shoulders trembled.

”I've lost it, haven't I? I really can't think clearly anymore. I can't--” He approached cautiously as if fearing rejection.

When they were only a hair's width apart, the emperor seemed to freeze. Liu Sumeng didn't understand where this sudden awkwardness came from after all they've done together.

So Liu Sumeng threw his arms around this insane emperor and held him close, felt his heat and his heartbeat, and listened to him sigh deeply.

”Liu Chao.” Liu Sumeng felt lips trace the shell of his ear. He shivered. ”Stay with me till death. You're mine, you understand that right? Right…? You can't leave me…”

It was already too late for anything else, Liu Sumeng wondered why Xuelan couldn't understand that? But the emperor's insecurity was never one that bloomed from Liu Sumeng's actions and instead was the product of his own insanity. His desperation, his depravity.

He reached up and captured Liu Sumeng's jaw and kissed those tantalizing lips. Was there any love there? Neither of them knew. But both could understand that this act was one done out of necessity. Like breathing through a narrow straw when caught under the current.

Yuan Xuelan kissed Liu Sumeng aggressively, pressing down, biting lips and running his tongue over General Liu's teeth. And this Ivory Sword Saint, this Sumeng of his kissed him back with equal desperation, a begging, a plea.

Just a little longer.

Let it all end.

Please.