87 He felt disgusting (1/2)

Warning: s*xual abuse, dub-con, Emperor Taixu being a terrible person in general.

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Liu Sumeng was giving him a look. The one that was a little confused and perhaps a little judgemental.

Regret seeped into Yuan Xuelan's bones. He was really regretting a lot of things lately and yet still couldn't get used to the emotion. He shrank a little, preparing for the blow that would come out of Liu Sumeng.

”You two, are together.”

Yuan Xuelan almost bit his tongue off. He wanted to scream, wait, wait, wait, wait! He and his Shijie!? What!? Since when, since where, since how!?

He was so shocked that not a thing came out of his mouth and he only stared like a goldfish. Liu Sumeng had veered his gaze back at the water and didn't see Yuan Xuelan's stupefied appearance. The Ivory Sword Saint continued, ”It is not proper. With Nan Chang.”

Not- What- So- Wait- What?

Yuan Xuelan's thoughts stuttered, broken. There were so many things wrong and so many things he wanted to shout and ask. So this was the reason why he was so disapproving with Nan Chang!? How in the world did Liu Sumeng even come to this conclusion!?

And when he decided to call off the wedding was it-

Was it…because of this!?

His mind was reeling and he remembered when Liu Sumeng told him how it was for Anyue's sake.

It had been for her sake.

And…

What if...

What if the Ivory Sword Saint knew that it was all a big misunderstanding and then what?

Yuan Xuelan's heart sank. And he forcefully held back all the questions he desperately wanted to ask, deciding that it was better not knowing the answer.

He only sat there quietly. The hot spring wasn't feeling so comfortable anymore. The steam made the air thick and stuffy and the water turned his fingertips coarse with wrinkles.

His silence didn't go unnoticed. ”Xuelan?”

A question was at his throat and he, a fool, asked, ”Do you like my- Do you like Chen Anyue?”

And he shouldn't have turned around to look. Shouldn't have seen how Liu Sumeng smiled that gentle smile under the moonlight's ethereal glow. How beautifully the water droplets sparkled that dripped down his hair, his neckline, his collarbones. ”I do.”

The air around the hot spring in the midst of summer felt terrifyingly cold. And when dread turned to heartbreak, shame bloomed and festered as well. Yuan Xuelan didn't even dare to bat an eyelid, didn't even dare to breathe.

He was an idiot.

A whole, fucking idiot.

Liu Sumeng saw Yuan Xuelan's discomfort, but had no idea about the cause. So he, though awkward, looked down submissively and said, ”She's yours.”

”Oh,” Yuan Xuelan replied stiffly, ”Okay.”

It was awkward after that. Even after they returned back to their room, Liu Sumeng became keenly aware of the strange tension and silence that settled between them. He was wrought with worry and wondered what mistake he could have made this time. What was it that he said that made Xuelan unhappy?

After all, he even called off the wedding for Xuelan's sake so why…?

Why was this happening…

Was Xuelan perhaps unhappy that Liu Sumeng likes Anyue? Should he not have said that…?

Confusion and regret continued to plague him, even when Yuan Xuelan put out all the lights.

He wanted to say something, anything and ask, and explain himself. But he didn't know what. Didn't know how to word it or even where to begin with questions. Liu Sumeng laid his head down on the pillow and closed his eyes.

Sleep did not come easily.

His thoughts haunted him, thoughts about Chen Anyue and Yuan Xuelan.

In a different life, he was already married at this age.

Atop Wangyun Peak, Liu Sumeng had planted an enchanted peach blossom tree next to the koi fish pond in a spot so that it could be seen from his window. It only took a month to fully grow and blossom.

Chen Anyue had laughed when she'd seen it, her eyes held that gentle sparkle and called him a romantic.

He had thought it was a little awkward and a little embarrassing but did it for her anyway. Because it would remind her of home and the peach blossom courtyard they had in Reling.

”It's very sweet of you, Liu-ge. You're a lot kinder than I'd thought you'd be.” Her cheeks matched the shade of the petals that fluttered into her hair.

It gave him the urge to kiss her brow, so he did. And she giggled in his arms.

Their love was as such. A gentle spring breeze that came and went. And perhaps there was a time where he thought their love might blossom into passionate summer-like heat. But that fantasy was long dead, scorched away by the fire of tragedy and hatred.

It was only then his fate became entwined with one Yuan Xuelan.

Before then he had suspected feelings between his wife and her Shidi. But he also had selfishly ignored any flickers of guilt. It wasn't his problem. Chen Anyue was his wife, and he, her husband. And all Yuan Xuelan had been to him at the time was that one rude little Shidi that barked around Chen Anyue's heel.

That had been a whole lifetime ago.

Liu Sumeng opened his eyes and it was dark. There was an itch in his skin that he couldn't scratch, a strange anxiety that refused to quell.

Sleep was out of reach so he slid out of bed, slowly to not disturb Yuan Xuelan.

He had no idea when Huo Tang had returned but she was sleeping on a little silk pillow, her little body glowing a soft pink light.

He made sure his movements were feathered when he reached down to retrieve Mingshui from his bedside. Before walking out the door, he stopped by Xuelan's bedside.

Boys grow quickly. He looked so much more mature in mere months, brows thicker and cheekbones more pronounced. His hair was around his face like a mess and Liu Sumeng resisted the urge to reach down and soothe out the knots.

But Xuelan was still young. His jawline not yet as sharp as it became in later years and he didn't have that harsh edge yet, the edge that had women swooning at his feet no matter how insane he became.

Though Liu Sumeng was an awkward person who didn't know how to convey his feelings well, he only wished that Xuelan could find happiness in this life. That he might live freely from the torment that haunted him to his grave.

Peng Jipei sure made that difficult.

Liu Sumeng's heart felt cold, his grip tightening around his sword sheath.

He would not let Yuan Xuelan tread down the same path in this life. And in this life…he should try harder to make Yuan Xuelan smile.

A deep sigh escaped his lips. He truly thought that canceling his own wedding with Chen Anyue would eventually sort that problem out… But clearly he'd been naive. It was more complicated than that. He would have to try harder.

And so Liu Sumeng stepped out of the room and went to find a good place to practice his sword. And with each slash, each lunge the chaos that brewed within could simmer down and become more distant, less defined.