80 Forgive (1/2)

What had once been Cao Hong's peaceful resting place was desecrated by blood and gore. Even the tranquil willow tree had its trunk and leaves splattered with the rotting fluids of rotting corpses. Only Liu Sumeng and Yuan Xuelan were left standing there, with the soft moonlight finding its way through the forest canopy.

This scene was much too similar to one of Yuan Xuelan's terrible dreams. Only it was real, and he wouldn't be able to wake from it to escape.

A bitter smile twisted Yuan Xuelan's lips. If the Ivory Sword Saint refused to laugh at his foolishness then he would do it himself! ”Fuck. I'm really pathetic. I can't believe I let that piece of shit Peng Jipei get the better of me. How…was I so fucking blind! It was damned obvious from the start!”

He sneered at himself and his fool of a cousin. His shoulders trembled with rage, eyes glaring holes into the ground. But he had only himself to blame for blindly casting aside common sense for that insane cousin of his. Turns out Peng Jipei wasn't the only one insane, just fucking add Yuan Xuelan to the list as well!

”It's okay,” Liu Sumeng said. Awkwardly, he approached the distraught Yuan Xuelan and thought of all the possible ways that he could quell the younger man's tormented heart. But Liu Sumeng was never good with words no matter how hard he tried. ”Please calm down.” And like a fool, took another step closer.

The words that were said with kindness only cut in deeper. ”Do you think I'm not trying to stay calm!?” Yuan Xuelan lashed out with rage. But in his self-pitying stupor, he hadn't noticed that Liu Sumeng had come closer and backhanded the Ivory Sword Saint across the face.

There was silence but the howling wind and rustling leaves. All the animals in the vicinity had long fled from the onslaught of resentful energy and corpses. Liu Sumeng stood there quietly, a red mark bloomed on his cheek.

Yuan Xuelan could only hear the sound of the slap echoing in his own mind, hearkening the nightmares that chased his sleep. It was an accident. It was an accident. It was an accident!

The words pressed against the back of his throat. ”I--” he croaked.

When Liu Sumeng veered his gaze back at Yuan Xuelan, the Ivory Sword Saint only sighed a little, ”It's okay.”

No…how is any of this okay?

Yuan Xuelan stood there shaking like a fucking idiot. And Liu Sumeng only walked up to him and circled his arms around the younger. The warmth that enveloped him was undeserved. But Yuan Xuelan was selfish. His hands came up as well and he held the Ivory Sword Saint by his waist. The cloth was still damp from the spring but he didn't care.

All he saw was that Liu Sumeng was injured, again. There were red stains on torn white cloth. Yuan Xuelan's vision blurred. A strange part of his mind told him that it was raining. The moon was bright and the skies were clear and it was raining. Something bubbled up from his stomach, an agony that he couldn't name. Like a desperate mutt, Yuan Xuelan lowered his face into Liu Sumeng's shoulder.

”I'm sorry…”

”It's okay,” Liu Sumeng shushed him softly.

”I'm sorry…!”

”It's okay.” The Ivory Sword Saint's arms wound around him tighter. It was unbearably warm. Unbearably gentle.

He wished nothing more than to beg for forgiveness. But Yuan Xuelan already knew by now that Liu Sumeng was a fool and would give it to him readily. So instead he said, ”Is there…Is there anything I could do? Please…”

Liu Sumeng frowned, unsure of what Yuan Xuelan was talking about.

”What can I do, for your forgiveness?” The question was like a prayer and Liu Sumeng had heard it before in a previous life as well.

”...”

And in his previous life, he had stood there foolishly without a single thing to say, Liu Sumeng thought no, he would try harder this time. There had to be some way to get his heart across.

Finally, Liu Sumeng whispered into Yuan Xuelan's ear, ”Forgive yourself.”

Yuan Xuelan cried. And clung to Liu Sumeng like his life depended on the Ivory Sword Saint.

His heart told him that it did.

…

She had her foot in a watch hole to give herself more leverage when looking over the wall. Her eyes were as sharp as hawks' and could see the man riding away despite being as far as she was.