53 Show me (1/2)
On that snowy evening, where winds blew lightly and frost tickled skin, the sun sank beneath the horizon, taking with it the orange and red clouds of dusk. Twilight was more subtle and with the stars slowly crept out in the sky. And in the softer late evening glow, Liu Sumeng was stunning. It took Yuan Xuelan another moment before he remembered that he was being laughed at. ”Sumeng!” He shouted and huffed, ”Stop laughing! Why are you laughing!?”
Liu Sumeng shook his head, there was still a faint smile upon his lips, barely made visible by the glow of the moon. Yuan Xuelan had to stop himself from summoning a spirit light just so he could get a better look at that smile. He grumbled and turned his gaze away, cursing at his own weakness.
But Liu Sumeng's response was a strange one, ”That's not what I'm worried about.” It made Yuan Xuelan furrow his brows and scratch his head, trying to guess what the heck the Ivory Sword Saint was even talking about. It took him even a moment to remember their earlier conversation but when he did, those words became even more mysterious. He couldn't be saying what Yuan Xuelan thought he was saying, right!?
”Do you mean that it's fine if my Shijie went off with another man!?” Even just the mention of such an idea made Yuan Xuelan's voice shrill, a sour annoyance threatened to crawl up his throat.
Liu Sumeng blinked and his smile dropped, as though having realized his mistake. He tried to elaborate, ”She's free to go with any man she pleases.”
But those weren't the words that Yuan Xuelan wished to hear. He stepped back, anger visible on his face and the way his fingers curled inwards. ”Just what kind of person do you think my Shijie is!?” He snarled.
And when Yuan Xuelan took another step back, Liu Sumeng took one forward. He had that lost look about him with eyes a little wide and brows slightly knit. Yuan Xuelan was getting used to seeing that expression and it made his gut twist with guilt. ”That's not what I'm saying…” Liu Sumeng said.
Probably not. Yuan Xuelan felt like he understood the Ivory Sword Saint much better than before. But he was still an enigma, saying things that made Yuan Xuelan's mind twist and flip in confusion, ”Then what!?” He didn't mean to shout but his voice raised anyways. Yuan Xuelan blamed it on the bubbling frustration.
The Ivory Sword Saint reached out. Yuan Xuelan was too slow to dodge the hand that circled around his arms, keeping him from bolting away. ”I want to cancel the marriage-” Liu Sumeng blurted out and for a second time that evening, Yuan Xuelan felt his world coming to a slow.
But the emotion he felt this time was one that was unnameable. Yuan Xuelan narrowed his eyes at the white-robed man and bit out, ”Are you even thinking about my Shijie's feelings?”
Liu Sumeng nodded. Yuan Xuelan thought he appeared almost meek, pitiful even. ”Yes, for that reason. I must.” His voice came out like a whisper but the words resonated loudly. Was it perhaps Yuan Xuelan's imagination?
The wind howled between them, bringing with it the winter cold.
His mind slowly processed the meaning behind those words. Ah, it was at that moment that Yuan Xuelan was able to recognize his own self-hatred with acute clarity. Why was his heart filled with relief? Relief that Liu Sumeng did not love Chen Anyue…
”Oh.” He said, ”I see.”
”...”
Again there was silence between them.
Finally, Liu Sumeng spoke up, the way he peered from behind those long lashes was a bit shy. ”It's cold. Let's go back Xuelan.” Liu Sumeng's hand trailed down, fingers tracing the bottom of his palm before letting go. They were cold to the touch and Yuan Xuelan felt his own fingers twitch but he was too slow to grab hold of Liu Sumeng's hand.
His heart was like a wild mare, bucking, and galloping across an endless grassland. Yuan Xuelan shook his head, ”Go back without me.”
Liu Sumeng didn't go and only stared at him with a strange look in his eyes. A sour feeling swelled withing Yuan Xuelan and made him feel uncomfortable. He shuffled his feet and masked his blushing cheeks with a scowl. ”What are you looking at?”
”Are you practicing the sword?” The Ivory Sword Saint asked. In the soft glow of twilight, Yuan Xuelan could have sworn that he saw the slightest of a smirk. Definitely just a figment of his imagination this time, he chided himself and looked away.
Yuan Xuelan grumbled, in desperate attempt to hide his embarrassment, ”Who said I was doing that!”
”Hm, you should show me.” That secret playfulness in his voice reminded him of the Liu Sumeng from his dreams. He didn't want to think about that fake Liu Sumeng! The real one was bad enough!