26 Below the mountain (2/2)

With a strained expression, he picked up his chopsticks once more and prodded at the food.

In the end, he drank a very alarming amount of tea.

”Liu-ge?” Chen Anyue asked, as she watched him refill his teacup for the twentieth time, ”Is the food perhaps too spicy?”

”...The tea is good.”

”Is that so?”

”...”

He ignored her and continued to drink more, though it didn't really help the numbness on his tongue or the upset in his stomach.

When Chen Anyue finally sighed, stomach full, Liu Sumeng realized that it was about time to speak up, ”There's something else.”

”Hm?” She looked up him curiously, ”Yes, what is it?”

”...” A nervous feeling churned his guts as he grasped for words, trying as he could to fix his bluntness, his tone, ”About…the marriage.”

Chen Anyue felt herself tense but she didn't let it show and continued to smile gently at him, ”Yes? Is there something that's concerning you…?”

”Yes.” He knit his brows. When his mind was busy and sleep was scarce, Liu Sumeng secretly recited many different ways of broaching the topic to Chen Anyue. But now that the person was in front of him, he had no idea what to say. ”I don't think…” that it would work out? Was that too blunt? He tried again, ”I was thinking…” no, no that didn't sound any better either. ”What are your thoughts?” was the question he decided to settle on.

Chen Anyue folded her hands on her laps, her expression now a little troubled, ”What do I think? About our arrangement?” This question was an easy one to answer to an overprotective Yuan Xuelan who had a wild and fanciful imagination, but to the man that she was promised it, it was a little more complicated. ”If you're worried that I might have doubts then please rest assured. By no means am I bothered by our engagement and I,” she paused and looked him straight in the eye, ”I quite like you, Liu-ge. I think you're a good man. I don't think my father made the wrong choice for me so…” Her brows knitted, voice faltering, ”Is there something that you find disagreeable with me?”

”No.” Of course not. Even in his past life, their marriage was one of tranquility, of warmth. She was to him like a mellow spring, calm, refreshing and full of life. But he was a man with a tainted fate, and their relationship was one that became cursed with misfortune. It didn't need to happen again. And plus, Yuan Xuelan would be there for her and watch her over where Liu Sumeng failed.

But Chen Anyue did not understand his thoughts and instead declared with a determined voice, ”Please, Liu-ge. I want you to tell me the truth!” Her entire life people had showered her with care, tread carefully as though she was made of glass. She despised this. Despised the way people would veer their gaze away from her with lowered eyes and flattering words. Despised the way they treated her as if she would break and crumble from a single touch.

”Anyue,” he said her name softly, ”Do you believe that I can make you happy?”

She didn't understand. ”Yes…? There hasn't been anything you've done that would lead me to believe otherwise.”

But how could she understand? ”The future we have, will not be a bright one. You won't find happiness with me.”

Those words were not enough to convey the right meaning. ”Why must we give up before even trying?” Chen Anyue would not easily back down.

It was not easy being under a barrage of her questions but Liu Sumeng was also determined, ”I'm sure you can obtain a better fate.”

Chen Anyue frowned. She couldn't help but think that perhaps Liu Sumeng was unhappy with her but he didn't have the heart to tell her straight to her face. And yet he'd been so caring and kind, considerate in a way that was neither overbearing nor unwanted. Had that simply been born out of a wild fantasy? An aching desire to be cared for for being Chen Anyue and not the Chen princess. Where did she misunderstand?

Her turmoil was visible on her face and Liu Sumeng felt uncomfortable in his seat. Was he being cruel to her? Perhaps. But he would do anything for Yuan Xuelan's sake. And if this meant Chen Anyue had to suffer a little and to despise him a little, that would be ok.

(But who was Liu Sumeng kidding? In the end, wasn't this simply born out of his own selfishness? His aching desire to be liked to by Yuan Xuelan.)

In that quiet little village at the base of Wangyun mountain, an awkward tension was born between Chen Anyue and Liu Sumeng. Grey clouds gathered around a once sunny sky, rainfall bombarding without any prior notice. It was as if the Heavens decided to reflect their tumultuous hearts, grey and gloomy. Rain pitter-pattered against the ground, turning the roads muddy. Liu Sumeng bought an umbrella and escorted Chen Anyue back up Wangyun Peak, shielding her from the rain. But when they had descended earlier with light chatter and bright laughter, the walk back was a silent one. And when the parted ways she still smiled at him but it was distant and a little strained. A seed of doubt was planted in her heart and she wasn't sure if it was towards Liu Sumeng or herself.