173 173 I wont leave you alone. (1/2)
When I broke up with Morning Yang and went home, I was sitting on the couch with a quiet face as usual at midday.
Usually if I was at Zhou's house, Zhou would pick me up to the front door when he came back, but I guess that's not what happened all day.
At midday when some uncomfortable stillness appeared to calm rather than force, he turned his gaze around without relieving his expression.
”I've been talking to you.”
”Really?”
A slightly limp voice will try to be calm rather than directed to the periphery, but it will be late.
At midday like that, Zhou sends his eyes as calm as possible and sits quietly next to midday.
At midday, when Zhou comes next door, he leans softly against the perimeter so that he can touch the perimeter. That wasn't as sweet as usual, it had a grumpy vibe somewhere.
(... you must have been anxious)
He pretends to be nothing, but his father, who has left himself alone, has now come into contact with his boyfriend, too. He doesn't seem to think of his father as such a terrible character owner at midday, but he still has something to be anxious about.
”There was nothing I was afraid of at midday.... was a much quieter person than I had imagined”
”Really?”
”... should I say what I told you?
”Either. If you think Zhou-kun should talk, talk.”
Zhou shakes his trembling hand at midday when he says he will leave it to Zhou but is afraid to hear somewhere.
As for Zhou, I think I should say it once and for all.
Zhou didn't know what his father was thinking when he didn't see his daughter and met his boyfriend, but he should still tell him that he wasn't going to make midday unhappy.
”Mr. Asahyang is certain that he doesn't intend to do this at midday. I heard you're not going to ruin your life.”
”... then I'm glad”
”And then, that's why I wanted to see you at midday, but you didn't tell me everything. I just wanted to have a look before I saw you because I'm not going to see you and I'm not going to see you...”
To Zhou's words, at midday he groans, ”I never saw you before, but now you are”.
However, that voice would be more bittersweet than contemptuous.
”... Though I saw it from me, Mr. Asahi didn't seem to care about the midday situation.... even seemed to wish me happiness”
That's why I don't know why.
How can I wish my daughter happiness now? I wish I hadn't abandoned parenthood from the beginning if I regretted it. That way, I wouldn't have had to be lonely at midday.
I sighed softly at midday at the perimeter, which I told him seemingly difficult to say.
”... to be honest, I don't really understand the existence of a parent.”
A small, but often passing voice spins words.
”Others who think they've fulfilled their duty to raise if they've only given money, there's just a blood connection. This is my impression of my parents.”
Pale, just telling the truth, the midday look made me feel stiffer than usual and somewhere thinner in life.
”Whenever, those people didn't look at me. No matter how good he was to me, he didn't look at me. Even if I reached out, that hand would never be taken.... so it's only natural for me to stop reaching out. It's only natural that you don't expect it.”
I feel that midday stopped expecting my parents because they hadn't looked at me before.
And I don't think I'm making that decision wrong. It is impossible to stop asking for self-defense at midday when a child heartily realizes that his parents cannot love him or expect him or her.
”... I knew that my father was a good person for a job. Still, it doesn't make any difference that you didn't look at me, and I don't know how to look at my father. Even if you care about me now, I'm in trouble.”
”Yeah.”
”... really, why now”
”Yeah.”
”sooner, I will”