8 Homecoming I (1/2)
When Hilde opened her eyes, she was back in the Cube with its black floor and white walls and ceiling. It had only been a few days since she was last here, but somehow, the interval felt longer.
Having ”arrived” on her feet, the first thing she did was sit down, intending to stare at nothing for however long the carriage ride to Oste was going to take.
But she soon recalled that even here, she would not completely escape her grief. Thoughts and memories possessed their own unbearable weight. At the very least, however, in this sterile place that really only housed her consciousness and echoes of her emotions, there were none of the bodily substances that made human feelings such a curse to bear.
Just as she was making herself comfortable, her new least favorite entity in any world made his presence known.
[Thought I'd let you stay here and escape, did you?] Prick said in his lazy drawl. [Tell me, which part of 'endure' did you not understand?]
Lacking energy even here, Hilde replied, ”I've been enduring.”
[Yes, sure,] he answered. [For all of ten seconds. Then you ran away again. You do not endure what you don't even allow yourself to feel, princess.]
Hilde let that one pass. It was too on the mark to argue with. Instead, she latched on to an opening Prick unwittingly offered.
”Why am I not Gisela?” she asked. When she made that question to herself earlier, it was more of a hormone-fueled query by a teenager who was envious of what another had that she did not. Now, it was mostly the intellectual curiosity of a former twenty-seven-year-old influential superstar. ”If I simply needed to be someone important, say – there are two princesses here, and one is a lot more princess than the other. Why me and not her?”
Not at all privately, she added to herself, 'If I were going to feel guilty for stealing an identity anyway, why not for becoming the most beautiful woman in the land?'
[Oh?] said Prick, sounding amused after hearing both her voiced and unvoiced thoughts. [And what are you going to endure then? All the admiration and envy? An avalanche of suitors? The terrible burden of your own beauty?]
Hilde frowned. ”Don't be insulting, please,” she said in automatic defense of her cousin. ”I'm sure that's not all Gisela's life would be about – how did you think her mother became that way?”
If Prick had a face, Hilde was somehow certain he'll now be wearing a smirk. But he did get his point across. From an objective standpoint, Hilde's pile of miseries from the past and in the present rose higher compared to Gisela's. They were certain to multiply in the future, providing a convenient mountain that – as ”Hilde” – her nameless self could climb, suffering every step of the way.
[You can stop trying to distract me. I still can't let you stay.]
”Just until we get to Oste…?” Hilde said, her tone not quite begging.
Prick seemed to have lost patience. [I am really under no obligation to make anything easy for you. Forget what you know about 'systems' in your previous world, you only learned those to get you used to the idea. Remember what you're really here for.]
Hilde narrowed her eyes but didn't respond. She never did forget, but she couldn't quite see how following along would help her uncover her true identity.
And at the moment, she couldn't see how finding out would even matter anymore.
”It's too painful out there,” she said in a small voice, her body folding in on itself.
His tone without any trace of mercy, Prick replied, [Noted. Get going.]
Hilde was unceremoniously thrown back into her body. Now, it wasn't only grief she carried with her, there were also bitterness and anger.
At the very least, the emotions served to distract her from the carriage ride, which had become bumpier. Lady Ilse appeared to have taken Hilde at her word, ordering their retinue to go faster as soon as she had ”passed out.”
They had since entered a familiar forest road, which accounted for its relative roughness compared to the cobbled one out of Nelke. Glancing out the window, Hilde also found that the morning sun peeking between mossy tree trunks was much higher.
When she asked, Gisela told Hilde she'd been asleep for nearly two hours. In that time, they'd changed horses once and the maid had finished adjusting the hem of her dress.
Hilde's eyebrows rose. She had suspected it the first time around, but it seemed time did pass differently inside the Cube.
This confirmation only made Hilde angrier. The damn Prick couldn't even spare her a few hours of pain when it was only a few minutes out of his own time? He didn't have to be there with her. In fact, she'll have thanked him more if he'd stayed well away. What did he even do when Hilde wasn't there for him to mess with?
”Are you alright, dearest?” asked Gisela gently. She had understood her cousin's meaning earlier when she lied – if ”that” matter was to be brought up again, it won't be by Gisela. But she worried that the lines on Hilde's forehead caused by whatever she was thinking of would become permanent, so she sought to interrupt.
Hilde, of course, wasn't alright, but since she can't exactly tell her cousin why that was the case, she had to lie again.
”Haven't we already made good time, then?” she said, putting on an even more wretched look. ”Now I'm awake, I think I might throw up from this pace.”