3 Cairo - Your Name (2/2)

I could tell she already knew who I was. Giving my name out wouldn't do her any good, and it wouldn't satisfy the real answers she wanted. To her, my name wouldn't mean anything except what she could call the monster that I was. I'm honestly surprised she was still talking to me. She knew. She-

”I can't imagine what you've gone through,” She cut me off in my train of thought. ”What you did, and what's been done to you…” She stopped, wiped her eyes, and pushed back the faint sobs inside her throat. ”Please, I just want to know the name of the man that saved my life…”

Suddenly, my attention peaked. My mouth went dry, and the knot that was previously in my stomach seemed to tighten even more. I was certain I didn't remember saving any lives in my early years of living in this world. If anything, I've destroyed lives. Too many to even keep count at this point.

”It has to be you…” She started again, her voice was soothing as always, but it had an extra tint of sadness I couldn't get a good read on. ”That scar on your neck, I can never forget it... Even in my dreams.”

I reached my hand for my neck, feeling the edges of the smooth scar tissue brush against my finger tips. I can still remember the feeling of the blood pooling out as I lied motionless on the cold floor. I was only 13 years old at the time. I don't even know how I survived, but I remember the darkness swallowing me, only for me to wake up to the horror I couldn't escape from once again.

Now that I think about it, was Rina the girl who… No, it couldn't be...

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. That knot in my stomach seemed to have a bigger impact on me than I could endure. It was like my soul itself was attached to an anchor, and it was dropped to the bottom of the ocean floor.

It's been so long since I even thought about my past that I never realized how treacherous it was. I couldn't tell if I felt sorry for myself, or my mind was just going crazy from the memories.

Now that Rina said she knew who I was, or perhaps she knew an older part of me, it just made me think more and more. The longer I spent thinking about it, the tighter the knot got. It's like a puzzle without a solution. It just gets harder and harder with no real ending.

”Whatever you're thinking about,” Rina said, timidly. Her hands were clasped together beside her heart like she was about to perform a song or step on stage in front of a thousand people. ”Let go. You'll never move on if you don't let go. It's what my sister always told me…” She became quiet again, and I could tell she was glaring into my eyes, despite me not looking into hers.

To let go? I thought to myself for a moment. How can I let go? What do I let go of? My life? Memories? The past? It didn't matter. I couldn't let go, and that feeling just tightened the knot even further.

Perhaps it was wrong for me to come back. Perhaps I should have stayed in the woods. Maybe even go on the search for a new tavern with even more delicious soup, but I knew Rina's was the best anyway. Her hands were made to be precise with ingredients and carefulness. Even the small scratches on her knuckles and fingers showed she wasn't afraid to get hurt.

Regardless, I pulled out the only memory I had that kept me going everyday. It was a small, ripped up piece of paper my mom left for me before she passed. I've kept it with me for 12 years, only looking at it when I needed the extra push to take another breath.

'Find your happiness,' It read. I didn't know what it meant, but I knew it was my journey to find it. Whether it was through life or death, I knew that my life meant nothing without it.

She saw me looking at it, giving me time to direct my next words carefully. However, I didn't need time. I needed to take a risk, and see where it led me.

It's probably been about two years since I last looked at that paper. It was only three words, and yet, It meant everything to me.

I felt the knot loosen in my stomach, as if the paper gave me instructions on how to untie it. So, I let out a deep sigh, and took the risk.

”The secrets I've kept have cost me more pain than fire and lightning. I've told stories that woke even the mightiest of gods from their slumber. I've crossed paths by moonlight that most wouldn't dare to speak of during the day. My mother passed in my arms when I was just a boy, leaving me broken, forgotten and hopeless. I was beaten, tortured, and forced to kill, all before the age of eleven. I was imprisoned in the Gulag for 5 years, and came out alive… My name is Cairo, and all I search for is happiness.”