Chapter 208 Alexs thoughts (1/2)

Alex who was doing a one hand stand in his room, was worried about the current events that had transpired. He felt that something bad was about to happen. Since not only did his Dad not return yet, Sir Lyner left, and Instructor Jay disappeared. He was also worried about the current status of his relationship with Rachel. A few days ago, Alex finally understood that he has feeling of liking Rachel as a woman. Yet even with this knowledge he didn't know what to do with it.

He was also scared of Rachel finding out the true purpose of why he was protecting her. It is true that he is protecting her now because of his feelings for her, but that was not so in the beginning. In the beginning he merely associated with Rachel because of his mission.

Now that he actually has feelings for her, finishing the mission might prove even more difficult. Alex has great success in completing missions because he did things in an efficient and logical way that was within the parameters of the mission.

Now that he was confronted with this new unknown feelings, he didn't know what to do since this new feelings made it difficult for him to think straight. He was someone who had sealed majority of his feelings and memories deep inside his subconscious mind to become stronger, so now that a new emotion sprouted from within him, it was only a matter of time before the floodgates open.

Alex understood that the future that he was dreading will come no matter how hard he tries.

”It seems like I can run no longer...” Alex was sure that when the time comes, when his emotions burst forth, and when the memory of his parents killer returns, things will change. The time when he either tells Rachel the truth or Rachel finds out the truth for herself is also nearing.

Even with the strength to fight an SS rank merc for a few blows, Alex still felt weak. Should he tell his friends about his past? If he does it now, instead of the time everyone confessed, Alex was sure everyone will be a bit angry at him.

Alex wasn't sure what will happen, but he was sure it won't be something nice. He then imagined a world were his friends hate him and deny him. He imagined a world were Rachel was crying and cursing at him learning the truth about his mission.

Thinking about all these things made Alex's chest tighten. It made him feel like he wanted to throw-up. Still he held it in and continued his muscle training. Alex shifted from his right hand to a left hand stand.

'I wonder what will Dad think about all these? Will he understand what I'm going through? Will he even allow me to date the protection target of the mission?... Also the most important question will Rachel even want a person like me?'

Alex then remembered that he was a fraud, how could he start a relationship with Rachel if she keeps on lying to her. Actually was it even alright for a person like him, who only knows how to live in the battlefield be with a girl like Rachel, who hasn't even seen the battlefield?