Chapter 57 - Fifty Seven - No Longer Walking Alone (2/2)

Finally, it was Nathan who broke the standoff between them.

”Why?” He blurted out, then gripped at his ears as if he found his own voice too loud or perhaps he simply did not want to hear the answer. Seeing his knuckles turn white, Ren Zexian feared that Nathan would hurt himself and finally placed his hands over the youth's, carefully peeling them away.

”Nathan,” he called to him, gently, though his tone was not without a little of the stirring emotions dwelling within him. ”Nathan, I have something I wish to speak with you about. But first, do you have something to ask me?” His question was intended for two reasons, only one was as he wished to understand Nathan's earlier query. Otherwise, he cursed himself as a true coward, prolonging this matter between them.

”Why can't it be me?” Nathan shouted, wincing at the volume, but finally feeling that some clarity was forming with his sentence. That was right! When he witnessed Chang Min standing together with Ren Zexian and when Ren Zexian praised Chang Min, he did not like it, because he wanted to be the one standing with Ren Zexian and he wanted to be the one praised by Ren Zexian. Ren Zexian was in his world not as a guest, nor guide nor passerby but as...

”Why can't what not be you, Nathan?” Ren Zexian raises a hand to tentatively wipe away the salty tears running down the face filled with frustration. It was the first time he'd ever seen this expression on his dear boy's face; his nose wrinkled at the bridge, his brow furrowed so deeply it looked quite painful. He bit at his lower lip, drawing Ren Zexian's eyes and inflicting a need to kiss away the wound.

But the question was proving too much for Nathan, who had no answer and the youth simply shook his head, so it was up to Ren Zexian to attempt to translate his words, his actions.

”There are many things you are, Nathan,” Ren Zexian said, more calmly than he felt. ”You are honest, you are bright, you are an excellent gardener.” Nathan shook his head once more, so Ren Zexian continued to speak, his hands wandered to brush the lengthening chestnut strands from Nathan's face with a smile. He would soon be able to tie his hair back and not long after, arrange it into a noble crown. ”You are talented and strong and generous. You've give us all a way to survive. You are amazing, Nathan.”

”But I am not Chang Min,” Nathan finally replied.

”Why would you need to be Chang Min?” Ren Zexian asked, confused. ”You are perfect the way you are. You are more than perfect.” Nathan was shaking his head once more, he was not perfect. He was not like other people, he knew that, so how could he be perfect? ”Nathan, what can I do in order that you will believe me, believe me that I believe you are perfect?”

”Stay with me?” Nathan told him. ”I don't want to watch you go away.”

”Where would I be planning to go?” Ren Zexian found himself chuckling and shook his own head. ”Nathan, even if I had to leave here, to leave this house, to leave this place, I would want to take you with me. Nathan, I have strong feelings for you. Not those of a friend or a brother, nor of a parent or a Teacher, but of a person who wishes be the closest person to you in this life, in this world. Closer than you are to even your beloved plants.”

”But you are closer to me than the plants,” Nathan pointed out, lifting the hand which was still being held.

”Do you like me more than the plants?” Ren Zexian asked him in half-tease.

Nathan looked thoughtful for a moment and then a look of complete clarity shone in his stunning eyes. ”Yes,” he replied, earnestly. ”I like you more than I like the plants!” His smile was worth a thousand sunrises, but it faltered as he shyly asked; ”Do you like me more than the plants?”

”Yes, Nathan, I do,” Ren Zexian replied.

”More than Chang Min?”

And it was then that Ren Zexian felt as he had when he had first pierced the bottleneck preventing him from proceeding further in his cultivation. Nathan had been jealous of Chang Min? The warmth welling within him began to simmer with happiness. ”Yes, Nathan, most definitely more than Chang Min. Nathan, the feeling I have for you is love. I love you. I want to be with you forever and want you to be with me forever. To wake up with you, to breakfast with you, to hold your hand as we walk within beneath the sun, to hold you close when we shelter from the cold. I want to raise your plants with you, want to cultivate with you and want you to be the last thing I see before I close my eyes to sleep.”

Nathan's smile regained its vitality. Ren Zexian was not a guest nor a guide, he was the person within his world that he had been waiting, wanting to find.