Vol 1 Chapter 2 (1/2)

Panorama - II

I see a dragonfly, beating its wings

A butterfly follows it, but its pace doesn’t slacken The butterfly tries to

keep up with the dragonfly, but it is a futile effort As it flies further, I see

a gliravity took hold It

round like a snake, or

a broken lily A sad and cruel scene

Perhaps, even if they could not travel together, they could have kept

each other coer But I knew that was impossible To

soonfly, whose feet don’t touch the earth, even such

freedom was denied

I hear the distinct buzz of conversation, and I wake up

My eyelids were screa for two more hours of sleep, even as my

In the end, the battle on

by the latter, and I set to work on the laborious task of opening my eyelids

Sos too much I was up

all night working on the blueprints and diagrams, and I must have fallen

asleep in Miss Tōko’s room I raise myself up from the sofa with a hint of

enthusiaslasses so I could see better, and I realize that

this was indeed the office

The office was a cluttered place full of occult oddities and research that

Miss Tōko had accuht illuminated

thisa

s with back to the wall, and Miss Tōko

was sitting cross-legged on a chair

Miss Tōko always dressed smart, with thin black pants and a collared

white blouse that seemed to look new every time you meet her Combined

with her short hair and the way it ave her the

iht that with her scary, piercing

look, especially if she didn’t have her glasses on, it would probably be

iet such a job

“’Morning, Kokutō” Miss Tōko gave a glance in my direction, like she

always does, to acknowledge lasses orn over her

hawk eyed glare today, a sign that she and shi+ki were probably talking business

“I’uess I fell asleep”

14 • KINOKO NASU

“Don’t start with excuses I can see well enough If you’re fully with us

on planet Earth now, then goto drink A cup of coffee

would be good It should war rest”

Long rest? Well, I did feel exceptionally tired, so it wasn’t a completely

strange thing to say I don’t knohy Miss Tōko would say it, but she’s

always talking cryptically at the best of ti her has

beco procedure

“How about you, shi+ki? Need a drink?” I y

state, only half aware of s

“Nah, I’ood I’m about to hit the sack soon, anyway”

Lazy eyes and sagging shoulders tell the story of shi+ki’s sleeplessness

well enough Probably went and did another one of those nightly strolls

again last night

Next to Miss Tōko’s office room was another one that served the purposes

of a kitchen, at least to her To me, it looked more like a laboratory,

or at the very least it used to look like one The sink had three faucets in

a row, just like you’d see in a lab Two of those had wires strapped around

the some unearthly, forbidden function ,

the operation of which I suspect only passed between God and Miss Tōko

God sure wasn’t revealing anything, and Miss Tōko is of the same mindset,

and I was in no particular rush to find out Either way, it gave the entire

roo air

I turn on the coffee maker, and it emits a low hum as it processes the

drink The first thing I do upon arriving here every day is make coffee for

Miss Tōko, so it’s come to the point where I could do it with my eyes closed

It’s been al for her “Work” in

this case being a very loose term This place could hardly be called your

typical office environment Despite that, I stay on, probably because I saw

so in what she worked on

Just after shi+ki lapsed into a coh school and entered

college with no motivation or any particular purpose At some point back

in our high school days, ether

Even if shi+ki had no hope of waking up, I still wanted to keep that promise

But , just watching the

calendar as the days swept past

One day I was invited by an acquaintance to a doll and puppet exhibit,

and it was there that I found it: A doll in the shape and size of a human, so

finely made that it must have taken its craftsman years of hard work; some

/ PANORAMA - II • 15

h I kneas just a doll like

anything else there, it looked , frozen in place, and

one I was sure would move any second now, if someone breathed into it A

thing on the brink of existence, but didn’t live, preserved on the boundary

that no one else walked

I was attracted to that contradiction, maybe because it reminded me so

much of the person that shi+ki was before Apparently, the maker of the doll

was unknown Even the pamphlet of the exhibit didn’t mention any names

I dove into investigation, desperately seeking the person who could craft

such a beautiful doll It turned out to be someone not entirely connected

to the business of doll , and did it with no real intent for fame A

mysterious recluse named Tōko Aozaki

Apparently she makes dolls as her main occupation, but was also an

architect on the side She see”

things, whatever those thing may be, but she never accepts requests Mysteriously,

she just knoho needs things oes to them, announces

her intent, and proceeds toa

generous advance payment

She reatest freelance craftsman, or the world’s

biggest weirdo

I got even ot

a sense that I really should have quit at that point So seemed to

pull at my effort, almost as if she didn’t want to be found out Eventually,

through , I found out she lived in some

place away from the city, not in the suburbs, or the industrial district

It wasn’t even a house

It’s an abandoned building

Well, to bewhere construction was stopped

when it was halfway done, probably because whoever funded it ran out of

, seen from afar, but inside the floor

and walls are bare It was left as it was, neglected and surrendered to time

and the weather Had it been completed, it would have had six floors, but

there’s nothing above the fourth floor Nowadays it would be more efficient

to start the bulk of the construction frouess they

were still using the old methods back then Now the fifth floor has been

dragooned into the service of a roof Though surrounded by a high concrete

wall, anyone anted to go in would have an easy time of it, since

the gate was always open It’s a miracle the local kids don’t mess around

in it They probably just see it as so they

should stay out of Pretty convenient

16 • KINOKO NASU

I don’t know if Miss Tōko really bought the building, but it seems that

way, so for now, she stays here The laboratory-slash-coffee room I’m in

right now is situated on the fourth floor, and the second and third are Miss

Tōko’s various offices, storage rooms, and workshops, so we usually talk

shop on the fourth floor

After finding Miss Tōko, I got to know her and asked for employment

of some sort, just to sate my interest in this master craftswoman I quit

college, and started working for her And aet

paid She once said to me that humans can be divided into two types with

two attributes: those who craft and search, and those who use and destroy

She made it clear to me that I wasn’t someone who “crafted” but one who

“searched” or some such, and that’s why she hired me

“Running a little late there, Kokutō,” said an accusatory voice from the

other roo thin Well,

the coffee maker’s just about done, and the black liquid sits there, waiting

to be drunk

“Yesterday

out her cigarette “Soon people are going to take notice of their connection”

She is, of course, talking about the recent case of high school girls falling

to their deaths There’s nothing else to talk about anyway, so I guess this

was as good a topic as any But wait…eight?

“Huh? Weren’t there only six people?”

“A few more popped up while you still had sand in your eyes All this

started in June, and it’s been going at about three per month Maybe

another one’ll happen before the next three days are out, eh?” Miss Tōko

is in the habit of saying really os, so I’m kind of used to it I

take a quick glance at the calendar, noticing that there’s only three days left

in August For a moment, a flash of worry enters my mind for some reason,

but I quickly dismiss it

“They’re saying the suicides have no relation, though,” I remark “Different

schools, no friends of the third degree or anything like that It could

still turn out that the police are withholding information from the media

to better their chances when they interview the perp…if this case even has

one”

“What, Kokutō, you don’t trust the police on this one? That sleep must

have really done a number on you to suddenly be skeptical of people like

that” She grins As usual, her spite knows no bounds when her glasses are

/ PANORAMA - II • 17

off

“Because they didn’t leave behind a suicide note, right?” I explain “Suicidals

usually leave behind a note or so

I ht people now? At least one of them

should have done it That only s: that the police

aren’t publicizing the note so that it serves as leverage against a suspect,

or it could mean a statistical improbability”

“Which by itself beco these incidents,”

says Miss Tōko “The girls weren’t taking drugs, nor were they members of

some weird cult By all accounts their lives were perfectly mundane Neither

their family nor their friends know any reason why they would throw

the So it follows that they probably killed themselves

over soical distress, or perhaps to prove so

That’s why they don’t leave behind any last words”

“So you’re saying that it’s not that the police are hiding anything, it’s

that they truly didn’t have any suicide note?” I ask

“Well, statistically speaking, most people don’t leave behind any note

when they commit suicide…but yeah” Miss Tōko leans back on her chair,

sipping her coffee while looking atto my own lip and

tip it, tasting the bitter coffee inside I think back on what she said, so

nagging

How could there be no suicide note? It didn’t fit The girls were, as far

as we knew, all happy and content, very much attached to the world of the

living In a situation where one is forced to die, final words are what you

leave behind to ce so means you have

nothing to leave to this world, and you can decide to bravely face that great

unknown of death A suicide without a note, or parting words, or even

the remote chance of discovery of the incident: that would be the perfect

suicide

Ju, then, is far from the perfect suicide

Such an exhibitionist act

In a way, the suicide and the resulting publicity itself results in having the

air of a “suicide note”, so to speak If the suicidals picked as obvious and

public athey

would be seen by many Publicity formed at least a part of their choice of

death In that case, why the lack of parting words at all?

I can think of only one reason Perhaps, like shi+ki said once, they were

just accidents, or at the very least, they did not intend to die Then they

wouldn’t have any reason to write a suicide note, just like running into a

traffic accident while going home from school Unfortunately, I can’t fath-

18 • KINOKO NASU

o your daily commute

froh

“There won’t be anythe pavement for a while after

the eighth, ‘least not ones related to these incidents” shi+ki, now standing

beside the , joins the conversation

“How could you possibly know that?” I say

“How else? I checked There were eight of the around that

building I took care of ‘eer,

even if it does

with ar that hen

they bite the bullet?”

“No one really knows for sure Everyone’s different All I can offer you is

an observation” Miss Tōko puts down her cup, her s into a

more scholarly demeanor, as if she was about to teach the most important

thing in the world “The words ‘flying’ and ‘falling’ are inextricably tied to

each other, because we humans can’t fly by ourselves And yet, as expected

of et this Even those

who live after death can try and reach for this goal, to fall towards the sky,

forgetting that it is the hubris of Icarus that led to his doom”

shi+ki seemed perturbed by Miss Tōko’s cryptic response, more so than

usual I can only guess as to what offensive statement Miss Tōko said that

has shi+ki in such a defensive attitude I decide to break the mood

“Er, I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t seem to understand the topic”

“Apologies, Kokutō We’re talking about the ghost at the Fujō Tower I

don’t really know if it’s the real thing or just soe’s illusion I wanted

to check, but if shi+ki really killed it, then there’s no way to know for sure

now”

So it was about that The conversations between shi+ki and glasses-offMiss

Tōko are always about the occult and the ical, so it wasn’t that

hard to guess anyway

“You know that shi+ki saw those girls floating around in the Fujō Tower,

correct? Turns out there was another hu

those floating girls Since they couldn’t be reured perhaps

that place was so those

lines”

Inat this story’s sudden turn for the complex,

and then, as if sensing my confusion, she offers her layman’s summary of it

“Well, to put it a bitaround that

building, and tagging along with her are what looks like our famous suicide

girls I suspect that they’re sohosts or some other supernatu-

/ PANORAMA - II • 19

ral occurrence The end”

I nod ather that the deed

was already done and taken care of Once again, the story seems far past

et to know each

other, but already I’ behind on their peculiar conversations

Not that I had any particular interest in being involved in them either

way However, since being ignored was also an unacceptable outcome, I

listen anyway The way I’er world and my own

willing or unwilling ignorance of it sort of fits me, in a way It’s one of those

ss I can be thankful for

“That sounds like a story out of a dime novel,” I blurt out Miss Tōko

nods her agreerowing

lances at me Because

provoking a reaction out of shi+ki works about as often as Mercury in retrograde,

I have to wonder if I did so colossally idiotic without my

knowing again

“But then, shi+ki saw the ghosts only at the beginning of July, right?” I

sound du the obvious, but I do it just to confirm “So there

were only four ghosts back then, shi+ki?”

A negative shaking of the head froht,

right froht? There wouldn’t be any more suicides

after the eighth In their case, the order is reversed”

“Uh huh You gotta clarify with ained any

future predicting powers like that one girl we talked to soo”

“It’s not like that, Mikiya It’s more like that place…the air there isn’t

normal How do I put this?” shi+ki’s voice uncharacteristically wavers a bit as

a proper description fails to e sensation

of being in thewater”

As shi+ki struggles with vocabulary, Miss Tōko steps in to help

“It means that time there flows differently Understand that there is more

than one way for tiress The speed upon which entropy acts on

so differs for each object The same holds true for our memories

When a person dies, the record of hi doesn’t disappear instantly

There are people who remember, people who have observed and watched

over his life and death As long as these exist, the memories…, or rather,

their record of existence, doesn’t suddenly disappear, but only fades into

nothingness If the observer of death was not a person, but instead a place

that resonates to people such as those girls, then they will remain even

20 • KINOKO NASU

after death as a sort of ihosts’, or what have you

The only ones receptive to this ie are the ones that share and keep the

hosts, such as close friends and family And people like

shi+ki and me, of course”

Miss Tōko lights another cigarette before continuing “Entropy acts on

et, and eventually the memories disappear But

on the roof of the Fujō Tower, the entropy of those memories are slower, as

if the building itself doesn’t want to forsake them The record of their time

alive hasn’t caught up to their current state, and as a result, the memories,

and the iirls remain, in that place where time is crooked

and broken”

Miss Tōko seeed to

be even otten to So

what she’s saying is that, when so doesn’t

truly disappear, as long as so

it is to acknowledge its existence, and because of that, it can sometimes be

seen again That just sounds like deluding yourself

Well, Miss Tōko probably kept using the word “ie” because it is

so that can’t be real

In a surprisingly frank display of annoyance, shi+ki is led to that timeless

ih of these explanations, already What

I’ood job of proving my

point, but if there’s actually so projection, then this’ll never

end” Another soild glance co Mikiya’s

guardian, thank you very much”

“I agree cos with Kirie Fujō, so just go on

and take Kokutō hoht

want to sleep You can use that place”

Miss Tōko pointed to a spot on the floor that looks like it hasn’t been

cleaned for at least half a year, littered with paper like a dirty furnace shi+ki,

naturally, ignores her

“So as she, anyway?” shi+ki asks Miss Tōko The e walks over

to theand stares outside, her footsteps inaudible, and with a cigarette

still in her ht in this room, not

electric light anyway All the light comes from outside, and in certain areas

of the building where the sun doesn’t reach, it can be surprisingly difficult

to tell the ti, perhaps

somewhere closer to noon For a few moments, Miss Tōko stares silently at

the sun-bathed panorama

“Before, you could have said that she flew” She puffs out a cloud of

/ PANORAMA - II • 21

sht From my position,

fraht and se

“Kokutō, ould you associate with a high place? What iery comes

to mind?” The sudden question snapsI

could think about was the ti

real hard to spotthe

s I saw

“Maybe…ss?”

“Trying a bit too hard there, Kokutō”

Well, fine, I didn’t think that answer through too much anyway I try to

think of so else

“Well, I can’t really think of anything in particular, but I do think that a

panoraht of the scenery is overwhel”

This was a more spontaneous response, which she somehow seems

to note, acknowledging it with a little nod while still staring at the

And like that, she continued to talk

“Scenery seen froe points is alonderful Even an

otherwisedown

at the world you live in, though, sti

view, there is but one impulse”

As the word “impulse” leaves her mouth, she cuts off her sentence

An ience, not

soered by an

external force, even if one rejects it Like a e

Then what is the destructive is?

“It’s how far everything is A view too wide makes clear the boundary

between you and the world People can only rest easy with things they are

fa you your exact location,

you know that’s only infor

we understand and feel from experience The boundaries and connections

of the world, and of countries, and of cities, are only constructs

of thewe feel ourselves But with a view too wide,

there appear gaps in our understanding You have a ten meter radius that

you feel, and the ten kilo down on They’re

both one and the sa in, and yet

the first one feels more real

You see, noe have conize the

small world you can feel as the world you live in, you ascribe it to the wide

world you can only see But within this orld, you cannot feel that

you truly exist Because the closer objects are to your person, the more

22 • KINOKO NASU

sure you can be of their existence, of their reality In this way, reason, represented

by your knowledge, and experience, represented by instinct, will

start to conflict Eventually, one will lose, and confusion sets in

‘Viewing the city from up here sure puts it into perspective I can’t believe

my house was down there Did the park always look that way? I didn’t even

know that street or that alley or that building ever existed! This is a city

I’ve never seen before, like I’ve gone far, far away’ Those are the sort of

thoughts that run through your head in a panoramic view”

In a lull in her speech, I e to sneak in a question which has been

nagging me since the start

“So, what, looking out froe point is somehow bad now?”

“Only if you gaze for too long Re

the sky was akin to traveling another world To fly was to ascend to a

higher world, or perhaps to meet one’s final reward in the afterlife Mortals

who ascended the skies became mad, unless they armed themselves with

charms or the power of reason And always, lunacy was cured by returning

to solid ground”

Now that she e to jump

from the school roof once, just to see ould happen if I did It must

run through everybody’sat that view

Of course, I didn’t really want to do it, but why did I think that hen it

clearly leads to my own death? Why do other people think that way?

“Does that o mad?’ After I mention

the question, Miss Tōko bursts into laughter

“Kokutō, you have to understand that thinking that is nor into

people’s drea the taboo, eventually We

possess the extraordinary ability of indulging our own fantasies with our

own iht in a way What’s important is that

we know that the fantasy has its place Well, I guess that’s obvious But in

your exaht’”

“Tōko, this has gone on long enough” shi+ki interrupts, sick of the onesided

conversation Well, we have drifted quite far from the main topic so

it wouldn’t be uncalled for in this case

“There’s nothing long about it In fact, were this an actual thought

experiment, we’d only be ankle deep into it”

“Well, cut it down to a phrase, will you? When you and Mikiya talk, it’s

like a Goddamn thesis committee”

Strong words, but words which I can accept have an all too valid point

“shi+ki…” Miss Tōko starts, rubbing her temple in frustration, but shi+ki

continues to co the both of us

/ PANORAMA - II • 23

“And then there’s this business of views froh places I hope you

re froh

place’ already” Air quotations by shi+ki “There’s no ‘normal view’ by your

logic”

Well, so to punch

holes in Miss Tōko’s arguher than

the ground, which would qualify theuess Miss Tōko

nods in approval at shi+ki, and continues her speech, probably condensed

now for the sake of shi+ki’s temper

“Even if we count the fact that the ground isn’t actually flat but at an

angle, we also don’t usually call our nor’

or ‘overlooking’ view There’s a reason for that Your vision isn’t exactly as