302 Vol. 5 pt. 10 Patch 3.0: (2/2)
”Why don't we just let him fly around in the mountains by himself until he finds something? Don't you think that'd be way easier than having us all go up there ourselves?” Cassiel asks.
”Shogun won't go too deep into the mountains when it's just us. I think he's worried about something up there,” Rao says.
”Will he go deeper into the mountains if we're nearby?”
”I think so. Right, bro?” Rao asks Shogun.
Shogun barks at Cassiels.
”That's a yes,” Rao explains.
”I got that,” Cassiel says. ”As long as this works… are we ready?”
”The wagon's got all the supplies in it already, so yeah,” Fenrir answers. ”Just gotta load up on it and head out.”
And that's exactly what everybody does.
”Don't bring back any more girlfriends!” Oleander shouts, waving in the distance.
Serra looks back at Oleander with a smirk as if she knows that there is no way they will be returning from this trip without at least one more girl in their party that she is allowed to do lewd things to.
”It's not like I'm planning on getting more girlfriends or anything like that, but I do think it'd be nice to see Nell with a dragon girl,” Fenrir says.
”Yeah,” Serra says and nods.
”Why is that?” Nell asks.
”Because. You're a serpent. Dragons are dragons. So, a scaled, winged, tailed, horned girl from the water with a scaled, winged, tailed, horned girl from the mountains. It would just be… I guess the best way to explain it is that the theme of it would be interesting,” Fenrir explains.
”I see! Yes, I do agree that such a theme would be interesting and rather exciting. It could be like a battle to see who is superior! The victor could enforce their will and desires over the loser, and—”
”You're imagining yourself as the loser, aren't you?” Cassiel asks.
”Of course!”
Fenrir shakes his head and looks over to Azalabulia who's sitting across from him in the back of the wagon. ”What else don't we know about you, Azawaza?” he asks.
”A-about me? Like… like what?” Azalabulia asks.
”I don't know. Anything. We didn't know that you were an outdoorsy type, so what else is there that we don't know?”
”Ah, umm… I was attacked by a bear when I was younger.”
”Seriously?”
Everybody's attention is on Azalabulia now. Even Rao, who is steering the wagon, is turned to look back at her.
She nods and says, ”We were hiking, and I saw a cute bear cub who I thought was on his own, and he wasn't scared of me, so… I – I wanted to get a bit closer to take a picture, and then his mom charged me and knocked me down.”
”How the hell did you survive that?” Cassiel asks.
”My mom always kept a gun on her just in case whenever we'd go hiking or camping. So… she saved me. I don't remember much after that since the last time I was conscious was in the hospital. My right arm and some of my ribs were broken, and I was got cut up pretty bad. I still have all over my upper half, but they've mostly faded.”
”Sorry,” Fenrir says. ”You don't have to tell us anything personal like that if you—”
”Don't worry about it,” she interrupts. ”I've told the story hundreds of times before. In a way… I was kind of happy that I got attacked. I was never more popular than when I was that girl who survived a bear attack. I was worried I'd get bullied over my scars in school, but nobody cared. Everybody wanted to hear the story and look at my scars instead. I know now that they were probably talking about me behind my back and just treating me like a show, but at the time, it didn't feel that way.”
Azalabulia pauses to look around and see that everybody is staring at her. ”A-ah, sorry. I guess I got off topic and started being all weird and personal…”
”You're fine,” Fenrir says. ”You didn't say anything weird or wrong.”
”I want to hug you,” Serra says. She then proceeds to do exactly that.
While Azalabulia is getting hugged by Serra, Cassiel leans close to Fenrir to whisper, ”I feel bad for the cub.”
”Same, but it had to be done,” Fenrir whispers back.
Then, when he looks at Nell to get her reaction, he notices that she looks like she's trying to… hold back?
The truth is that Nell wants to comment on how wonderfully tragic the whole thing sounds, but she doesn't want to be insensitive since she knows that this is serious, but it's just so perfectly tragic, but she must be a good girlfriend and not fetishize her girlfriend's traumatic past, but why can't she get attacked by bears and treated like a show by her peers?
In the end, all she does is sigh before saying, ”I am glad to hear that it worked out in the end for you! That must have been truly terrifying. The closest I have ever been to being attacked was when a kitten scratched me, and my only time spent in a hospital was to get my tonsils removed.”
”It'd have to be the accident with my legs for me,” Fenrir says. ”Oh, yeah, Azawaza, you don't know. Basically, got my legs crushed by a truck. Spent some time in the hospital after that.”
”I – I think I would rather be attacked by a bear again than have my legs crushed by a truck. I'm sorry that something like that happened to you,” Azalabulia says.
”Eh, it's no big deal. What about you?” he asks Cassiel.
”Only time I've ever had to go to the hospital was after an ex was a dumbass and overdosed. I went with the hospital, stayed until his parents got there, and then told them to tell him for me that it was over the next time he woke up,” Cassiel answers.
”You really had a bad time with exes.”
”I know.”
”What about you, Serra? Any hospital tales?”
”I burned my butt,” Serra says, getting confused looks or choked laughs from everybody.
”H-how?”
”One of my dads has a portable grill thing, and he wanted to make breakfast in bed. I don't really remember how… but I fell on it and didn't get off fast enough. That's why I have a burn mark on my butt. Cooking food in bed wasn't allowed after that.”
”I guess some rules are good,” Cassiel says.
”Yeah. And damn, I didn't even notice the mark, so it must have healed pretty well,” Fenrir says.
”That just means you don't look at my butt closely enough,” Serra pouts.
”Alright, alright. I'll look extra hard the next time the opportunity presents itself.”
”You're so weird,” Cassiel says.
”Truly,” Nell agrees and nods.
Fenrir doesn't even bother trying to defend himself. He knows what he said.
”Rao. You're up since you've been listening in this whole time,” Fenrir says.
”Hospital visits?” Rao asks.
”Yeah.”
”Uhh… I've been a bunch, but never for myself. Lots of accidents happen in construction, and I was usually the one to drive workers to the hospital whenever we didn't feel like calling for an ambulance. Last time was when a guy got most of his arm peeled off when—”
”Feel free not to go into too much detail.”
”Or do!” Nell says.
”Anyways,” Rao says, ”yeah. For myself, uh… I guess there is one time, but it's kind of personal.”
”Come on. We all opened up about our personal stories,” Fenrir says. ”But, if you're really uncomfortable, you don't actually have to.”
”I mean, I don't mind talking about it since it's funny to me, but we've got a bunch of girls here.”
”Just say it,” Serra says.
”Yeah, we really don't care if it's something about what I think it's about,” Cassiel says.
”Alright then,” Rao says. ”I went to the hospital when my balls were burning really bad. I thought something was wrong, like I accidentally got a disease or something since I used a public bathroom earlier that day and my balls touched the seat, so I thought maybe I caught something somehow. Turned out it was just some kind of weird reaction to the new brand of shampoo I bought.”
While Serra and Fenrir are both trying not to laugh too hard at how simply stupid that story was, Cassiel, Nell, and Azalabulia don't exactly look amused.
”That was something,” Fenrir says. ”I'm not sure what it was, but it was something.”
”It was the dumbest reason I've ever heard for somebody going to the hospital before,” Cassiel says.”
”Come on, I know it's funny now, but I was seriously scared back then that I'd have to get my balls chopped off or something,” Rao explains, causing both Fenrir and Serra to go back to laughing. ”Felt like all my sperm was replaced by acid or some shit.”
Fenrir and Serra lean over as they try not to laugh too hard while Cassiel lets out a loud sigh.
”You know it doesn't even work like that, right?” Cassiel says. ”Just… everything about your worries is so wrong.”
”Sure, I know that now, but I was only eighteen at the time. I was terrified that my tanks were defective all because I wasn't careful and let my balls touch a public toilet seat.”
Azalabulia finally cracks and covers up her mouth to hide her smile.
”How would you feel if the insides of your boobs suddenly felt like they were on fire? You'd be scared that your milk went bad or something, wouldn't you?” Rao asks.
The question turns Cassiel's face red for various reasons such as: because of how stupid the question was, the fact that he's talking about her breasts, and how mad she is at just how stupid he is.
”It doesn't work like that! I'm not stupid enough to even be worried about something like that!” Cassiel shouts.
Nell loses and lets out a giggle before she, too, covers her mouth and looks away. The subtle trembling of her shoulders lets them know that she's laughing, though.
Rao, fully aware of what he's doing, says, ”Come on, be nice. We've both got two things dangling from our bodies that are important to us. You should be able to relate to my pain instead of making fun of me. I wouldn't call you stupid if you thought your boobs were going to fall off after accidentally… I don't know, bumping them into a bathroom door or something.”
His latest words might not be as funny as his earlier ones, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that he's keeping the stupidity train going which is causing everybody other than Cassiel to laugh hard enough that they can't breathe.
It doesn't help that, at this point, just hearing each other laugh is enough to make them laugh even more.
”It – it hurts,” Fenrir groans out, holding his abdomen as he laughs.
”Now imagine that in your balls, bro,” Rao says.
Fenrir wheezes and really wants to stop laughing at this point, but he just can't.
Rao, satisfied with his work, finally returns to looking forward to steer the wagon.
Meanwhile, Rock and Shogun have no idea what's going on nor why everybody is laughing.
Cassiel doesn't understand why they're laughing, either.
”You're going to die and respawn if you don't calm down,” Cassiel tells Fenrir, patting him on the back. ”Seriously, it wasn't even funny. Calm down.”
”It's – it's just hilarious to me because I was worried about stupid things like that when I was a teen, too,” Fenrir explains, finally calming down. ”But I never actually went to the hospital because of it,” he says, slipping back into laughing.
”It's only funny because they find it funny,” Azalabulia says. ”This happens all the time in class… if one or two of my students start laughing about something, even if I don't think it's funny, I start laughing because they're laughing.”
”I must agree,” Nell says. ”However, I did find the rather… vulgar story to be at least slightly entertaining on its own. It is mostly my hero's and Serra's faces making me laugh.”
Cassiel looks down at the still-laughing faces of Serra and Fenrir.
They do look pretty cute to her, and she's never seen either of them laugh this hard before. So, she does finally smile, but only out of love for her boyfriend and girlfriend. She still refuses to find anything about this funny.
Fortunately, the laughing does end by the time that the party reaches the base of the mountains.
”My gut still hurts from that,” Fenrir says.
”Same,” Serra says.
”That's what happens when you laugh for fifteen minutes at something stupid,” Cassiel says.
”I think we were just laughing at each other laughing after a few minutes,” Fenrir says.
Serra nods.
”Besides, all of us laughing together like that is good for us. Sharing laughter is a great way to build relationships, I think. The more you can laugh with somebody, the better your relationship with them,” Fenrir says.
”Now you're making me feel guilty for not laughing,” Cassiel says.
”Don't worry. That just means we've got to find something you find really funny so that you can laugh that hard with us.”
”Good luck. I don't think I've ever laughed that hard at anything other than when my dad would tickle me, and that doesn't count since it just pisses me off more than I enjoy it.”
”I'll find something. Don't worry. Before the month is over, I will make you laugh that hard without tickling you.”
”We'll see about that.”
”I will help you however I can, my hero!” Nell says.
Serra nods, and even Azalabulia offers her support by saying, ”I'll help, too.”
”Same, bro,” Rao says.
”No,” Cassiel says while directing a glare at Rao.
”Come on. I'm funny.”
”To them. Not to me.”
”It's alright,” Fenrir tells Rao. ”I'll figure something out to make her laugh. But, for now, it looks like we've got to go on foot from here.”
The party looks up at the mountains. It isn't steep enough that they can't walk up it, but there is no easy path for them to take.
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”There's some flatter areas once we get over this first slope, so let's go,” Rao says.
”Alright,” Fenrir says. ”Let's find some dragons.”
”Dragon girls,” Serra says.
”Just dragons would be perfectly acceptable as well!” Nell says.
”I don't want to know what you're imagining when you say that,” Cassiel tells Nell.
”I am sure that you know even without me having to tell you.”
”You've corrupted my mind and I don't appreciate that.”
”You will in time!”