207 Vol. 4 pt. 10 Patch 2.0: Prime Real Estate (1/2)
”I'll be the first to admit that I don't know all that much about finding a realistic place to set up a city, but wouldn't this place actually be pretty nice?” Fenrir asks.
”Going by realism… probably,” Oleander answers. ”I mean, setting up next to a river is easy mode. That's why early civs did it. Then we've got a forest for wood, mountains for mining – yeah, this place is pretty easy.”
”I'm used to thinking of it purely from a resource production standpoint. Always had to find places with the right resources or strategic areas.”
”Well, if you think about it, we're doing the same thing here. Instead of trying to find a spot on a map that has high resource production and some rare made-up metals and resources and stuff, we're just looking for a spot that has a high production of realistic stuff! Get what I mean? Sure, you didn't usually have to worry about food and water in our other games, but we're still trying to find the most strategic and useful spot.”
”Yeah, I get you. It really is the same.”
”We just have to secure a place before it's too late, ere the giant capybaras get hungry.”
”I have a feeling I'm missing a reference.”
”You are, but it's fine. I never could get you to play my favorite game about dwarves building fortresses.”
”Oh, that. Yeah, sorry. The graphics are just… I can't.”
”It's alright. It's still being developed anyways.”
”Still?”
”It's never going to end! It's awesome.”
”Ah, look!” Corwin interrupts them, running over next to the river to crouch down and examine some of the vegetation. ”We already have food growing here! This land must surely be fertile. It would make an excellent spot to settle!”
”You seem pretty excited about this whole thing,” Oleander says. ”Like, you've almost been as excited about Fenny's plan as my body lately! I'm going to start getting jealous,” he teases with a playful pout.
”A-ah, my apologies. It is just that I believe in Fenrir's dream. It would be wonderful to have a place equally accepting of all.”
”Hey, this might be a stupid question, but at what point in rivers does saltwater turn into freshwater? Like, you know? Rivers are freshwater, but oceans are saltwater, so when does that change actually happen?” Fenrir asks.
”Well, think about it! It's not like it's going to be all 'ooh I'm freshwater' while it's a river and then suddenly be all like 'bam, bitch! Now I'm saltwater!' as soon as it hits the ocean. It's more… gradual than that. Like, the closer to the ocean it is, the saltier it's going to be. The farther away, the less salty. It's all about dat salt concentration, yo.”
”So, in other words, the ocean is like a tentacle monster and the river is like an innocent loli, and the salt is the tentacles trying to corrupt her?”
Oleander looks at Fenrir with a blank expression and sighs. ”You know I'm going into law, right? Don't make me call the cops on you.”
”I'll hire you to be my defense attorney.”
”I'll refuse!”
”You know, you're basically a loli trap right now.”
Oleander looks himself over. Sure, he's only as tall as Serra and is even more petite than her, he speaks in an even more girly and higher-pitched voice than her, and he acts the most immature out of all of them. ”Cor! I'm not a loli, right?”
”A loli?” Corwin asks.
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”You know! A little girl!”
”Ah. No, you are not a little girl. That thing between your legs ensures that. You do have a rather small body, though, but I like it!”
”I – I don't know how to feel about this now. I just wanted to be cute, but am I attracting pedos?”
”Pedos?”
”You know! Older people into younger people!”
”I always have enjoyed the thought of being with people younger than myself.”
”I mean like, way younger! Like a forty-year-old wanting to fuck a nine-year-old!”
”Nine would be too young. However,”
”D-don't finish that sentence. Please. Just tell me I'm not a loli.”
”You are not a loli, Olly.”
”Loli Olly… that does have a nice ring to it. It sounds cute,” Oleander says, looking gravely conflicted over this now. ”Loli Olly… Olly the Loli… I – I'm so torn.”
”I've got to admit that I'm kind of disappointed in myself for not thinking of that sooner,” Fenrir says. ”Anyways, let's keep going while you have some internal debates over that.”
Oleander nods and follows behind him with Corwin.
”You totally would make a great magical girl loli, though,” Fenrir says.
Oleander wants to cringe from Fenrir's degenerate statement, but he knows that it's true which makes him want to try it out.
Being cute is the most important thing in the world. And Corwin. They're equally important to Oleander.
”I'll have to have Nell Nell help me with that,” Oleander says.