Part 5 (1/2)
and it seeht always to pervade my mind too much to allow me ever to joke, but my natural vivacity is hard to bridle and subdue”
The bond between Sarah and Angelina was growing stronger every day, their separation in ion fro else to draw theether Every letter froer of peace and joy, and to her Angelina turned for counsel and sympathy It is very pleasant to read such words as the following, and know that they expressed the inelina's heart:--
”Thou art, dearest, ratitude to the Giver of all good for the gift of such a friend, who has been the helper of my joy and the lifter up ofdown in hopeless despair Often do I look back to those days of conflict and suffering through which I passed last winter, when thou alone seemed to know of the deep baptisms ith I was baptized, and to be qualified to speak the words of encouragement and reproof which I believe were blessed toletter from thee this afternoon I cannot tell thee what a consolation thy letters are to her who feels like an exile, a stranger in the place of her nativity, 'as unknown, and yet well known,' and one of the very least where she was once areatest”
In one of her letters, written soon after her return hoht I should find it so trying to dress like a Quaker here; but it has been ht of it It appears to me that at present I am to be little and unknown, and that the most that is required of ainst dress I a-stock--perhaps a laughing-stock--in the midst of them, yet I scarcely feel it, so sensible am I of the presence and approbation of Hie to endure scorn and derision I begin to feel that it is a sole I profess a belief in the purest principles of the Bible, and warrant the expectation in others that my life will exhibit to all around those principles drawn out in living characters”
There is a pride of conscience in all this, strongly contrasting with Sarah's want of self-confidence when travelling the saion, no one suspected it, and for this very reason she was enabled to exert a stronger influence upon those about her than Sarah ever could have done She herself saw the great points of difference between thee of her diary she writes:--
”I have been reading dear sister's diary the last two days, and find she has suffered great conflict of mind, particularly about her call to the ministry, and I as on the subject I clearly sainter before last that reat reason why I was called out of the Presbyterian Society, but I don't think ainst it
”So far froly i permitted to enter upon my work at once; and this is probably an evidence that I am not prepared for it But it is hard forMy restless, ah duties and high attainht that this ambition was a motive toto great eive up in little things, to bend to existing circu for the ti ti from a hope of applause I could not even write init in the hope that it would one day meet the eye of the public Last winter I wrote more freely in it, and a ofof disappointe has been presented with force, 'Seekest thou great things for thyself, seek them not'”
CHAPTER VII
At this tile sorrow had thrown its shadow across her heart, and all her tears were shed for other's woes, we see very distinctly Angelina's peculiar characteristics Her conscientiousness and her pride are especially conspicuous The forious principle, had the effect of silencing criticis a respect which touched upon veneration One of her sisters, in referring to this, says:--
”Though we considered her views entirely irrational, yet so absolute was her sense of duty, her superiority to public sentie, that she seemed to us almost like one inspired, and we all ca of awe”
Of her pride--”that stu block,” as she calls it, to Christian meekness--she herself writes:--
”My pride isreat do I find its proportions I am all pride, and I fear I am even proud of my pride”
But hers was not the pride that includes personal vanity or the desire for the applause of the multitude, for of these two elehtiness in it, only the dignity which coes, joined to the desire to use the better than self
Still it was pride, and, in her eyes, sinful, and called for all her efforts to subdue its manifestations It especially troubled her whenever she entered into any argument or discussion, both of which she was rather fond of inviting She knew full well her intellectual power, and thoroughly enjoyed its exercise
I regret that space does not permit me to copy her discussion with the Rev Mr McDowell on Presbyterianisned before the Sessions for having left the Church; her conversation on Orthodoxy with souments on silent worshi+p They all show rereat faculty of expression for so young a woelina's last year in Charleston, I er upon it, but hasten towards that period when the reason for all this mental and spiritual preparation was ht upon the hill top,” and, which, as long as it lasted, filled the measure of her desires full to the brim
As it is is about slavery were at this time, and as they can be better narrated in her oords than in mine, I shall quote from her diary and a few letters all that relates to the subject
In May, 1829, we find this short sentence in her diary:--
”May it not be laid down as an axio which can only be supported by transgressing the laws of God”
”3d Mo 20th Could I think I was in the least advancing the glory of God by staying here, I think I would be satisfied, but I ah 'the fields are white for harvest, yet a idle in the market place' I am often tempted to ask, Why a on luxuries my soul abhors, tended by slaves, who (I think) I would rather serve than be served by, and whose bondage I deeply deplore? Oh! why am I kept in Carolina? But the answer seeive me patience to stand still”
”29th At tiht I was led to speak of this subject, of all others the sorest on which to touch a Carolinian The depravity of slaves was spoken of with contempt, and one said they were fitted to hold no other place than the one they do I asked what had raded situations, and was it not white people who had placed them and kept them in this situation, and were _they_ not to blame for it? Was it not a fact that the minds of slaves were totally uncultivated, and their souls no more cared for by their owners than if they had none? Was it not true that, in order to restrain them from vice, coercion was employed instead of the iven theainst evil? 'I wish,' exclaimed one, 'that you would never speak on the subject' 'And why?' I asked 'Because you speak in such a serious way,' she replied 'Truth cuts deep into the heart,' I said, and this is no doubt the reason why no one likes to hear me express my sentiments, but I did feel it ainst an institution which I believe altogether contrary to the spirit of the Gospel; for it was a system which nourished the worst passions of the hu under foot of the feelings of our fellow creatures 'But,'