Part 2 (1/2)
Writing from Greenhill in October, she says:
”On last Fifth Day I changed my dress for themy clothes in their peculiar manner makes me any better, but because I believe it was laid uponthat arb I trust I have le eye toof much peace”
Late in the autumn she sailed for Charleston, and was received by the hoave occasion for soer affected her as they once had done, and she bore them in silence Surrounded by her family, all of whom she warmly loved, in spite of their want of sy with her ”precious child,” with full opportunity to counsel and direct her, and intent upon carrying out reform in the household, she was for a time almost contented She took up her old routine, her charities, and her schools, and attended ularly But a very feeeks sufficed to make her realize her utter inability to harmonize the discordant elements in her home, or to make more than a transient impression upon herseeood, which were ed by all the familiar influences of her old life, it became harder to sustain her peculiar views and habits, and spiritual luke-warained rapidly upon her With deep hu back to Charleston, which place was evidently not the vineyard in which she could labor to any profit
In July she was again in Philadelphia, a member now of the family of Catherine Morris, sister to Israel Here she remained until after her ad it her duty to make herself independent of the friends who had been so kind to her, she cast about her for sorined to find there was nothing suited to her capacity
”Oh!” she exclaims, ”had I received the education I desired, had I been bred to the profession of the law, I ht have been a usefultaken care of, I ht have been a protector of the helpless, a pleader for the poor and unfortunate”
The industrial avenues for women were few and narrow in those days; and for the want of soht have entered were closed to her, and she was finally forced to abandon her hopes of independence, and to again accept a home for the winter in Israel Morris's house, now in the city It must not be supposed, however, that either here or at Catherine's, where she afterwards made her steady hoetic and too conscientious to be a laggard anywhere So kind and so thoughtful was she, so helpful in sickness, so sympathetic in joy and in sorrow, that she al board wherever she went Could she only have been persuaded that it was right to yield to her naturally cheerful tehtful companion at all times; but her sadness frequently affected her friends, and even drew forth an occasional reproof The ministry, that dreadful requirement which she felt sure the Lord wouldshe awaited the iven, ”Arise and speak”
This painful preparation went on year after year, but her advance towards her expected goal was very slow She would occasionally nerve herself to speak a feords of ad, make a short prayer, or quote a text of scripture, but her services were limited to these efforts She often feared that she was restrained by her desire that her first atte should be a brilliant success, and place her at once where she would be a power in the s; and she prayed constantly for a clear ht not be te to move pre to restrain and satisfy her i charity schools, visiting prisons, and going through the duties of s But she could not shut out from herself the doubts that would force themselves forward, that her ti of her fae in their condition or in their feelings We knoever, that Sarah kept up a frequent correspondence with her h her admonitions the latter was turned from her worldly life to ay, fashi+onable girl Her personal beauty and qualities of ed the admiration of all who came in contact with her More brilliant than Sarah, she was also h quite as sympathetic and sensitive, she was neither so des as her elder sister, and her nified and positive, she inspired, even in those nearest to her, a certain degree of ahich forbade, perhaps, the fulness of confidence which Sarah's greater gentleness always invited Her frankness and scrupulous conscientiousness were equal to Sarah's, but she always preserved her individuality and her right to think for herself Once convinced, she could uments and persuasions, no matter from whom As an illustration of this, it is related of her that when she was about thirteen years of age the bishop of the diocese called to talk to her about being confirmed She had, of course, been baptized when an infant, and he told her she was now old enough to take upon herself the vows thenof confir the rite over, she said:--
”I cannot be confirmed, for I cannot proed that it was a forh who had been baptized in the Church, and expected to re him calmly in the face, she said, in a tone whose decision could not be questioned:--
”If, with h that for a lie I cannot do it” And no persuasions could induce her to consent
Like Sarah, she felt htful, and considerate She, too, suffered keenly when punishments were inflicted upon theave of herself, as a little girl, stealing out of the house after dark with a bottle of oil hich to anoint the wounds of some poor creature who had been torn by the lash Earlier than Sarah, she recognized the whole injustice of the syste to do with it She did once oo circumstances:--
”I had deter that e Kitty, I undertook to do so, if I could have her without any interference from anyone This could not be unless she was mine, and purely from notions of duty I consented to own her
Soon after, one of my mother's servants quarrelled with her, and beat her I determined she should not be subject to such abuse, and I went out to find her a place in some Christian family My steps were ordered by the Lord I succeeded in ious friend, where she was kindly treated”
Afterwards, when the woelina transferred the ownershi+p to her es,--to take, as she said, money which that poor creature had earned
There is no evidence that, up to the time of her first visit to Philadelphia, in 1828, she saw anything sinful in owning slaves; indeed, Sarah distinctly says she did not She took the Bible as authority for the right to own them, and their cruel treatment by their masters was all that distressed her for elina had great respect for the ordinary observances of religion without ations But Sarah did not neglect her duty as Gods had their effect, and soon awakened a slus were not accepted unquestionably by Angelina, as they had been by Sarah They only stung her into a desire for investigation Sheself-reliance helped her judgment, and buoyed her up aed her more timid sister
In the first letter of hers that was preserved, written in January, 1826, we are introduced to her religious feelings, and find that they were formed by the pattern set by Sarah, save that they lacked Sarah's earnestness and sincere conviction She acknowledges herself a poor, miserable sinner, but the tone is that of confidence that she will coht, and that it isn't really such a dreadful thing to be a sinner after all In this letter, too, she mentions the death of her brother Benjamin, and in the same spirit in which Sarah wrote of it
”I was in Beaufort,” she says, ”when the news of reat shock to ht This blow has been dealt by the hand of mercy We have been much coood for me, and I think I have been thankful for it”
And further on: ”If this affliction will only make Mary (Benjamin's wife) a real Christian, how small will be the price of her salvation!”