Chapter 30 (1/2)
T/N: Any notes at the end of relevant paragraphs that are indicated with an asteriskare usually my own translation notes, unless I say otherwise in square brackets Words in square brackets [] in sentences are words I added for clearer
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Chapter 30: Bereavement
Kuraent smell of medicine nowadays It has been over ten days since our return to the State Preceptor's Residence and his condition still has yet to ihs up blood and slips into periods of unconsciousness Pusysdeva stays beside his father's bed day and night; his fra thinner and thinner in the process Rajiva also keeps vigil nearby and chantsover their father that they have no tih of relief In any case, I cannot leave at this moment, for I must help them look after kumarayana
”State Preceptor…” I ard it brings tears to one's eyes The only part of his body that still has soray eyes
”Have you co] and tries to sit up I rush forward and put some cushi+ons behind his back to prop him up When my hand comes into contact with his skeleton-like body, ht in sorrow
”Miss Ai Qing must have been surprised to hear that I have asked for you, right?”
”Yes, a little bit” I answer him honestly For soh I always call my research advisor ”boss”, he is actually a professor I respect from the bottom of my heart
[T/N: ”Boss” is a rather infor one's e it to refer to so undertone to the title, hence Ai Qing's clarification here]
I s forimportant”
”Miss Ai Qing is not an ordinary woo”
I do say anything in reply
”I know rown rather weary of this life The earlier I can return to the ground, the sooner I can cease being a burden to my loved ones”
My nose stings I want to say so to lift his spirits, but before I can do so, his sharp eyes full of wisdom have cut me off:
”But hu, and for me, it's these two children…”
My instincts tell me that the topic of this conversation has to do with the two brothers, so I silently wait for him to continue
”Miss Ai Qing, you came from the other realm, can you perhaps disclose to this man, who is about to depart from this world, how my two sons will fare in the future?”
Surprised, I look up and catch those brilliant eyes that seeround? But how?
”Ten years have passed and your appearance has not changed in any way Your disappearance was as sudden as your arrival I believe that you s that ordinary people are not aware of”
I am not allowed to reveal details about the future [her history], but must I adhere to this rule in the face of someone who is about to pass away?
Seeing , please trust me, I will not disclose the fates”
I keep hesitating and hesitating, but at last, I decide to tell his because I cannot bear to hide them from him
”State Preceptor, Rajiva's future achieveenerations to come,” I pause for a moment, ”As for Pusysdeva, rest assured, State Preceptor, for Ai Qing promises to look after him”
Historical records do not have anything on Pusysdeva, so he probably got to enjoy a relatively norive hi swept up in the tragedy that will unfold eleven years from now I can only help him to that extent
”Rajiva's achievements that you spoke of, they pertain to Buddhism?”
I nod ”Rajiva will have a huge influence on the spread of Buddhism into the Central Plains”
ku moment before he speaks: ”Those who are parents all wish to see their children succeed, but the most important of all is for them to attain peace”
The coughing fit begins again I rush forward and help hih, he resumes: ”I am not too worried about Pusysdeva He takes responsibility for his every action, and though he may seem foolhardy and reckless now, time will pass and he will mature The one that I'm worried about is Rajiva…
Heart beating fast, I look up at him in surprise Since he fell ill, kuht now is crimson due to forced exertion He continues to speak a: ”He is far too clever and has never truly suffered in life Thinks too much, but never shares any of it with anyone That kind of personality will bring him misery later on”
I once read an article about this group of scientists who have developed transgenic ence compared to ordinary mice It was predicted that if this experiment can be replicated with huher IQs But not soon after that, they were glad that they did notshowed that even though the transgenic mice were smarter, they had to pay a rather costly price for it The new genes in these ”cleverthem to learn and res of pain and hurt
So being too clever is not always a good thing When ent people will be far more sensitive and may find it much harder to reconcile with reality, maybe even find it far too unbearable, whereas the ordinary people ht of it [the misfortune] or come to move on eventually The ”Everyone is drunk, I alone a that philosophers often wrote about They can easily become lost and lose their sanity, and their lives will turn into a tragedy from then on That is the sorrow of a wise man; Rajiva cannot escape this sad fate
[T/N: This sentence was not included in the Viet ver of FBFY, but I saw it in the Chinese ebook] ”Everyone is drunk, I alone am sober” is a line from Yu Fu (漁父, literally ”Fisherman”), a poem attributed to Qu Yuan, a Chinese poet andStates period, who is s of Chu) and being the origin behind the Dragon Boat Festival Yu Fu described the encounter between Qu Yuan and a fisher motif in many other Chinese philosophers' works The poem also helped explain why Qu Yuan committed suicide…
”Although I do not know precisely wherecame from, but I believe what you said about Rajiva's future in Buddhism”
”State Preceptor, please rest for a bit,” I bring him a cup of water
He is breathing hard, and though it's clearly a struggle for him, he continues: ”If I do not say, I fear there would be no time [left]” He suddenly looks up athas known beforehand that Rajiva will dedicate his entire life to Buddhiss for you? Isn't that too cruel? Could it be that Buddha had you come down here to test him?”
My hands trerasp and crash onto the floor I clamber around to clean up the pieces, and inpain wakes me up So he has known all this while But of course Masavu is the loyal servant who has accompanied him from India to Kucha The fact that I lived in Rajiva's small house for almost three months, how could I have hid that from him [kumarayana]
”State Preceptor…”
He sighs, his face pained, sorrow clearly evident in his eyes
”I am an experienced man who once suffered because of 'love' When I left the monastic life, I had to endure ht that one word, 'love', was enough to resolve everything, to make up for it all However, the one I love is someone with a hearther ideals,with , ”I know you also have feelings for Rajiva But he has chosen to dedicate his life towards Buddha, and if his future sees hireat achievements, then he cannot have any room left in his heart for love”
He closes his eyes, expression weary, lips treo down the same road that I took…”
I leave his roo I ath left inout, he immediately steps forward and asks: ”What did father say to you?”
”Nothing?” I ain, I shake my head sadly, ”Pusysdeva, I am very tired, so I will retire now”
On the way back tomedicine for his father His eyes fall on me, full of concern and inquiry Tears flow out of my eyes I bend my head down so that he will not see them and speed up the pace back to my room
Every day, as soon as night falls, Rajiva can be found chanting in his roo a habit, I would then snub the laht frolow on the lonely silhouette by the sill That silhouette re, and the only sound that can be heard in the quiet nights is the slow rhythmic chantsRajiva, if we are not separated by a distance of 1650 years, if your identity is not that of a e to confess s for me, so if I had confessed, would you have accepted? But why does life contain so many obstacles? In the end, the two of us are just two parallel lines who happened to cross once, and once we return to our original positions, our o of the burdens our shoulders carry I love you, and that is why I have decided to let go…
ku, the queen and various other royal family members have all come by to visit hiest brother, who eleven years later will be irl about 8-9 years old—Princess Asuya her…are very hard to put into words This is the girl that will cause Rajiva to break his monastic vows eleven years later Before, when I cah I had sympathies for his situation [he was forced to marry], I felt mostly a tidbit to tell others about Now that I have becoe in the history books is no longer funny toin love with Rajiva, I realize that I cannot stand the thought of hi Asuya hih my 'rival' is a mere child As soon as that happens, ku in my ears like a bucket of cold water that pours all of a sudden, effectively putting out any fires I have in ht, I had promised kuht do I have to be jealous of the fates in store for Rajiva?