Part 4 (1/2)
611 am I wake early and think about hoe on the table in front of raph of Mary and the boys, and another of a view of Parliament from our apartment in London; quite a contrast to the view frorey and threatening rain That's the one thing I share with you
815 aer (murder, twelve years so far)
Malcol man called Arnold who absconded last week I recall him from his induction at SMU, a shy and nervous little creature He was sharing a room with two of the most unpleasant men I've ever come across One of the the past seven oes, and the other is a heroin addict serving out the last ht to absconding
However, if I had to spend a single night with either of those ht have to reconsider my position
830 a theroo down all thirtyseven notices, before deciding which are out of date, redundant or si notice board Only sixteen survive We then pin up five new neatly printed headings drugs, education, leave, tagging and general infor the sixteen posters neatly in their correct colu room is clean, thanks to Mr Clarke, and the notice board easy to understand, thanks to Matthew, although I think I've also earned my 25p an hour
12 noon I have to repeat that as far as prison food goes, NSC is outstanding Wendy and Val (her assistant) set standards that I would not have thought possible in any institution that has only 127 per prisoner for three meals a day Today I'm down for the pizza, but Wendy makes me try a spoonful of her laetarian in prison) It's excellent, and perhaps next week I'll risk a couple of meat dishes
230 pm The turnover at NSC is continual Last week fifteen inmates departed, one way or another: end of sentence twelve, moved to another prison two, absconded one So after only teeks, 20 per cent of the prison population has changed Give
While I' the teacups, Matthew tells overnor has pushed his compassionate leave forward by a day He'll be off to Canterbury first thing in the , so he can be at his father's bedside for the next ten days He doesn't cohts in Canterbury Prison (B-cat), which can't be pleasant when your father is dying, and you don't have anyone to share your grief with
430 pm Another pile of letters awaitstheh, Patrick Moore and Alan Coren Alan's letter h so much, rather than share snippets with you, I've decided to print it in full (See overleaf) All raced with remarkable friends, who have tolerated my ups and downs, and this latest episode doesn't seeoing to the gym I only write this to make sure I do
600 pm Write for two hours
Alan Coren 26 October 2001 My dear Jeffrey: Lots of forgivenesses to be begged First off, forgive the typing, but not only isfor so but cheques since about 1960
More iive the fact that I haven't written before, but the truth is that I should so much have preferred to chat to you face to face ( albeit chained to a radiator, or whatever the social protocols required ) than to engage in the one-sided conversation of letters, so as you probably knowI kept trying to get a visit, and kept being turned down Most i you: I have spent a srapnels, ropes, bolt-cutters, fake nue men from the Mile End Road with busted conks and tattooed knuckles, but whenever I ether, there was always a clear night and a full ht now be possible to arrange a visit, once I and they have filled in all sorts of buh notice to stick a jeroboaown and fez, so I shall set that in train forthwithif, of couurse, you agree You are, by the way, bloody lucky not to be in that office now, these are bad days to be living at the top of a tall building next to MI6 and opposite the H of C and I speak as one who knows, having, as you'll spot froent's Park; where, froent's Park Mosque 500 ht, and the Around bloody zero right here: every time His Excellency's helicopter trrobs in, we rush down to the cellar Could by anybody, or anything Since even I don't knohere Freiston is, I rather doubt that Osama bin Laden could find it, and you are further fortunate in the fact that, because every envelope to the clink is doubtless slit open, poked about in and generally vetted to the last square et anthrax, it won't be you
Life goes on in London as noras- up in the night and unthinkingly reaching for a bedside drink, so there'son than there used to be Giles and Victoria wish to be remembered to you, and want you to know that they're fine, and settling doith their foster parents in Timbuktu, where they tellthe other evacuees, although HP sauce is proving dificult to find Your beloved Conservative Party has elected a new leader, whoout his business cards to MPs and officials ould otherwise think as so the a book about chokey? FF 8282 would make a terrific title and since I am only one of countless hacks who envy you the opportunity to scribble away unencumbered by all the distractions that stop the rest of us froan's Remembrance of War & Punish ahead with your appeal: giving up the chance of another couple of years at the typewriter could cost you ht if we , is there anything I can do, anyone I can see for you, all that? I know that you have truckloads of closerand far more influential friends than I, but because it's always on the cards that thereyou need that noone else can come up with, I want you to know that I should doelse, do drop me the briefest of notes to let me knohether or not you'd like a visit If you'd rather be left in peace, I should of course,
understand But it would be nice to h
as if there could be any other kind of laugh, these days
815pn in for roll-call From tomorrow, as I will have con in at 11 am, 4 pm and 815 pm Because I'll be at work, in future, 815 p says I will feel the difference immediately
DAY 104 - TUESDAY 30 OCTOBER 2001
601 am Write for two hours I've now co incarcerated
Perhaps Alan Coren is right
815 a the doctor straight after breakfast before coiven their induction pack, and then be interviewed by the labour board One by one they make an appearance So to learn, while others are nervous and anxious, and full of desperate questions
And then there's Michael Keane (lifer, fourteen years so far, aged thirty-nine)
Those of you who've been paying attention for the past 250,000 words will recall my twenty days at Bel His brother Michael has the saet that all seven Keane brothers have been in jail at the sa the taxpayer a million pounds a year Michael passes on William's best wishes, and adds that he heard today that his sister has just been released fro of credit-card cri for parole in March, and if Irish charh, he'd make it, but unfortunately, the decision has to be ratified by the Home Office, ill only read his files, and never see hiendary, because when he was at Belot as far as the first outer gate while e to escape from hell
1020 am A scruffy, unshaven prisoner called Potts checks into SMU to confir with his solicitor this afternoon I check my day sheet to see that his lawyer is booked in for three o'clock Potts, who has just come off a three-hour shi+ft in the kitchen, smiles
'See you at three, Jeff'
1140 am All ten inductees have been seen by the labour board, and are fixed up with jobs on the farm, in the kitchen or at the officers'VAT), has opted for full-tiree
12 noon Over lunch, Doug asks me if I've put inset up, but happily play along He then tells me the story of two previous inmates, Bruce and Roy, ere partners in crime
Bruce quickly discovered that it was not only easy to abscond frohtforward to return unobserved So one night, he walked the six miles to Boston, purchased some fish and chips, stole a bicycle, rode back, hid the bike on the far enterprise known as 'weekend orders' His roo orders froht (the last meal every day is at five o'clock, so you can be a bit peckish by nine) Armed with the orders, Bruce would then cycle into Boston iht-fifteen roll-call, visit the local fish and chip shop, McDonalds or KFC not to mention the pub and arrive back within the hour so he could drop off his orders and still be seen roa before the 10 pm roll-call
This dot-con service ran successfully for several months, in the best traditions of free enterprise Unfortunately, there's always soht two officers caught Bruce about a mile away from the prison, laden with food and drink He was transferred to a C-cat the followingHis room-mate Roy, aware it would only be a matter of days before he was implicated, absconded with all the cash and hasn't been seen since
250 p with his solicitor He has shaved, washed his hair and is wearing a clean, well-ironed shi+rt, and his shoes are shi+ning I have the unenviable task of telling hio to cancel the appointe to all solicitors and barristers who deal with the incarcerated: your visit can be the most important event of the week, if not the htly Potts walks dejectedly back down the path, head bowed
400 p drops into SMU He tells me that the whole of spur four on the north block (nine rooht he heard aPossession of a mobile phone is an offence that will ensure you are sent back to a C-cat the same day