Part 7 (1/2)

ON DISGUISE

It was pointed out that one of thenovelties of the Peace Day revels in London was the nuirls dressed as men, chiefly as soldiers and sailors Men ere dressed as wonisably so--I did not observe, but then in a crowd at night they ht be more difficult to detect, whereas no woirls was less to deceive than to be hilarious, andwas over, achieved genuine male company

For a man to pretend to be a woman is a less savoury proposition; but it can be done without offence (as in ”Charley's Aunt”), and I heard the other day a pleasant story of such a disguise, the hero of which is a coreat acceptance by the youthful every Christer with the _maitre d'hotel_ of a famous London restaurant that so year he would enter the restaurant dressed as an old woh he were an ordinary custo that ht, always to be detected, accepted, and a sum was fixed sufficient tothat if the disguise were penetrated the _maitre d'hotel_ should indicate the discovery by a somewhat idiomatic form of words, more suitable to be applied to a sham lady than a real one; and if the actor succeeded he should send for the er and thank him for his lunch Each winner would add a request for the ao the co the year no fewer than three unoffending and genuine old ladies, as female as God created them, were, on different occasions, more than astonished to be accosted by the _maitre d'hotel_ in the midst of their meals with a triumphant and not too refined catch-phrase, and to be asked for a tenner

People look now so little at the clothes of others that disguise ht sothat we stare hardly at all, and at uniforht, before the War, have attracted attention;hlanders,” and pass on In fact, we look ade than at anyone else, and at them only to see if they are authentic bare-heads or chance to have their hats in their hands

Although the principal reasons for disguise are to assist in evading justice (the cri crime (the detective), there are, I hope, a fehimsical hus more possible A dull July day with a north wind, such as in 1919 was the price of a divine May and June, h it and pulled the legs of our friends, like Sir Walter Scott's friend, the lady of the ”Mystifications” I am sure that it would enable us to have better holidays But we should have to be thorough: it is no use dressing up as a police thea scarecroardrobe to beg in and forgetting to supplant our natural assurance with a cringe In fact, all the real work is to come after the clothes are on Youa beard attached to your face (as I once watched a friend of ), but, when it is finished, you must look and behave not merely like a man with a beard, as he did, but like a bearded ured chin that he collected every eye and the police began to follow hiuise well requires unre concentration The walk comes first: one would have continually to ree of the hands Dressed as a curate, for exa with your hands in your pockets; just as if you affected to be a seller of motor-cars you would fail if you had theht is the reason why disguise would be such a useful ally of the holiday maker The completest escape from one's ordinary preoccupations could be obtained by a resolute sihton; that is only half a holiday But to go to Brighton as a bishop, say, or a taxi-driver, an American soldier or an Indian law student, and keep it up--that would be a total change, a vacation indeed

BROKEN ENGLISH

Two exarateful ear--both fron door-keepers of restaurants

The first touched upon an untih welcome, heat-wave

”It is,” I reinality, ”almost too warm”

”Yes,” the porter replied; ”ze 'ot, 'e co for a guest as late After a while I commented, pleasantly, to the door-keeper on the tendency of the fair sex to be behind tih of one who has deep intimacy with the world we live in ”Ladies always late,” he said; ”always make themselves wish and desire for”

However faulty in construction, both those phrases are epigrao so far as to say they could not be improved upon, yet it would be difficult to ender is assuredly to add to its reality: a blast from Vulcan's furnace, for exareat verity such as restaurant door-keepers are perhaps better fitted to understand than most of us At any rate, if a restaurant door-keeper does not learn such things, who can? Both phrases also show that neither speaker, after I know not how lish, but is content to clothe his own native thoughts in the lish apparel that he can collect; just as I, for one, never have done in France other than translate lish sentences into French As for talking French--never! No such good fortune But I a ralish syntax does not automatically tend to witty coet there as quickly and surely as the highest culture, though by a different route, is proved by the following instance

Once upon a time there was a Little Tailor in a little shop in Soho Not a tailor in the ordinary sense of the word, but a ladies' tailor He was never seen out of shi+rt sleeves which n lands where the youths seem to be under conscription for this trade What land it was I cannot say for certain, but I should guess Poland

Once upon a time--in fact, at the sae, and as her theatre was contiguous to the Little Tailor's place of business, it was only natural that when one of her goas suddenly torn her dresser should hasten to hie was so disproportionate to the slight work done that the dresser deferred pay that the Little Tailor had to lay down the shears and take the pen in their place And this is what he wrote:--

DEAR MISS,--I don't feel like exactly to quarrel with somebody But it is the first ti like that And therefore I a quiet to see what you would do But what I can see you think I have forgotten about it But I s but it is the iirl to do it as a special, and then to coirl you would come in to-morrow to see me And this is six weeks already and you have not co I can say now, Miss, if you will kindly send the money by return, because I tell you candidly I will not be had by you in this et to know you personally, and will have so is to state clearly one's own position, that is as good a letter as any written Every word expresses not only the intention of the writer but his state of mind No one could improve upon it except in essentials

And here is a letter by a Pole partially Ao fir Your Advertiseo I ae, I live 30 years in Chicago have a clear record I love all Nations, I aent i worked in Metal line 10 years I ao I have a mild disposition I have 100

cash I am a Orphan I work for a Jewish Real Estate man on Commission he is worth 50,000 dollars he made that in 7 years i want a sent I have a 4 room flat and furnished for my own money and i have a roomer he has 5000 cash I aar and Grocery and Candy Business sooill purchase a 25000 dollar share in your Business Dear Gentlemen if you find me a wife that has 50000 dollars cash or entlemen, I will take a Widohite woman i love children

Very truly, etc

With Baboo broken English we have long been familiar Whole books have been devoted to its exploitation; but the supply is continuous and so from India Here is a recent effort by a Calcutta student in search of pleasure Writing to a firm of job-masters in that city, he says:--