Chapter 38 (1/2)

xxxVIII Mourning

At dawn, I go to An Shang Gate to inspect the situation, ignoring all attempts to stop me

Corpses have formed piles on the walls The bodies of Yan and Rui soldiers lie quietly side by side like comrades in death The limestone battlements are coated with sprays of blood that are still sticky I accidentally get soet the sensation that the rest of me is sticky as well

The sky brightens but the sun is hiding ae

Withthe insanity froht, I look just like a responsible, empathetic emperor

There are peoplescraps of arh the blood and dirt Some bodies stick out crookedly on the side of the battle terrifying lines of crihastly spread of colour to the ashy walls

The war smoke eddies and theback, edging back one wave at a tis are still billowing in the air like ripples of ink

I’

Every bloodbath, noon the battlefield

I don’t understand why every ruler of Great Yan always craves battle and ignites warfare with other countries And I also do not knohether it was right or wrong of ht

Like I said:

That wasI can predict

He could choose not to retreat nonetheless and I don’t think I have what it takes to withstand the next brutal attack

I’ a bet with no way out—the stakes are Murong Yu’s current situation and also his feelings towards me

I let h when I see the ever-changing floating clouds in the distance, casting heavy shadows on the ground

I turn and see Heng Ziyu co towards me with a few ar

I face another direction and ask flatly, “How ht?”

“In reply to Your Majesty,” his voice is just as still “An Shang Gate had the highest nuates suffered around one thousand each, altogether more than ten thousand”

“And the Yan?”

“Including the bodies outside the city, more than us”

I nod as I stare at the black ocean just a ways off

He looks at enerals with a wave of a hand

“You should be resting in the , Your Majesty” He hasn’t drawn near and his tone is still light I pull a thin s

Last night and this ht to be involved and no right to inquire I need hiive him the throne—and even if I am—he is still my subject before that happens and I his ruler The lower cannot disrespect the higher This is the custom between the ruler and his subjects

“The Yan have pulled back as of now but the next attack could happen anytihten defenses We must not be careless,” I do not look back at him as I say this

He stays quiet for a long ti, “Yes, Your Majesty”

I spot hi inat, Marshal?” I say with the sa on my face?”

No replies come

The sun rises ast the clouds after much hesitation and illuminates the lands

I turn to leave and then he starts, “Your Majesty”

I stop but do not look back “What else is the matter, Marshal?”

“Now that the Yan forces have backed away temporarily,” he asks quietly “I a”

I let out a chuckle “I have plans of then the capital’s defenses”

He takes a few steps towards me and his voice sounds extremely close “Will the Yan really retreat?”

I return to the composed tone I had before “I am not the Yan’s marshal”

I walk down the walls and the soldiers quietly and neatly part to either side, heads held high and eyes looking straight ahead I’veby carrying cots woven from hemp and farther off I see a pile of corpses and the soldiers pouring oil on it Beside the torches

I ask the second lieutenant besideburned?”

A sorrowful expression flashes on his face “In reply to Your Majesty, yes According to tradition, all those who gave up their lives in war are burned and their ashes are gathered and disposed of”

“I have heard, though, that some have not yet been burned”

“Yes” He bows “There are too many casualties Half of the army is wounded soldiers We can barely take care of the live ones, let alone the dead There are medicine and doctors but a lot of people can’t see the doctor in time”

He points to the crowd on the other side “The soldiers over there are all young They died the night before the last and only now are they being…”

My lips flatten into a line “Failing to burn the bodies in tirowl “All personnel in charge of this will be punished by ten hits of the stick Go and burn them now, and receive your punishment later”

Then, before I even take two steps, I hear his ain “Your Majesty, those soldiers were from the South The custom there isn’t cremation so their countrymen couldn’t bear to So…”

I stay in the spot for a , “I heard that people fro in the direction of their home when they are in unfamiliar lands That way the deceased will be able to see the way home when they sit up So… So pass on the word for the soldiers to ht it on fire”

The second lieutenant stiffens but quickly bon “Yes, Your Majesty”

I almost didn’t catch it

Cremation isn’t the tradition and it’s not common, but there is no other way With the city completely surrounded, the bodies could not be buried and have been accu water is already insufficient; there cannot be any more problems

There are too many who have lost their lives or the ability to return home because of this battle Those who step onto the battlefield should already know that they h should not be soft However, I a hus fall and turn to ashes before my eyes

They have people thinking about theain return to

The Yan forces left the city but made camp at Wu Hui Station about ten li away Five thousand advanced cavalryrand formation in front of the camp as usual Reports couard soldiers still take shi+fts patrolling along the walls The city is deathly quiet aside fro horse hooves

When night falls, the soldiers stand guard silently in the shadoith spears in hand Every ten steps’ distance a torch lights up the walls, sketching thin and disturbing lines

NoNo more bloodshed

It’s quiet, so quiet that it’s frightening, like the prelude of a storm

I’ Yu to make the ultimate decision Whatever he chooses, I cannot object

He actually understands as well as I do, that we are no longer the original us The burden that he and I carry upon ourselves is too much We are the same, able to overlook trivial nificant ones We knohat is okay and what isn’t We are always able to re critical times

I’ve alreadyhis silence

In his and in my hands, lie too many people’s lives With a turn of a hand, we can cause a hurricane and they will die before we can even know of their existence Even if we fulfill our responsibilities, their families would always hate us

Since theI could and killed sorefugees, I’ve stainedfrom future historians—cruel, bloodthirsty or violent, it doesn’t ive up when I make the choices I do

I don’t knoill be looked at after death but I can’t be concerned because I a the fate of this country and all its citizens on my shoulders

Time slips past in the tranquility Two days have passed since that night Today is the third day

The icy h theand onto the tiles

I take out Ding Guang fro its sheath and remove it solelow exudes into the room I carefully polish it with a silk cloth and the aura of death is released For a moment, it’s as if I have returned to the desert and open skies, where the yellow sands stretched for miles upon miles in the frontiers

Just how much naraved into this blade?

My hand falters and a skinny line of blood appears, and then a drop of warlistening blade looks like an on

I pour some wine onto it and watch the a the host of colour

Murong Yu, if you insist on taking the capital, the only thing I can do if it co with the city

“If you died—died under my sword—I would let you have a proper end as well”

But I don’t need you to give nity as an emperor with this sword