Vol 1 Chapter 6 (1/2)

Chapter 6

A strong tinge of purple pervaded the streets of that Friday night, the buses that bore their e a the red light, the purple spots gathered at the zebra crossing, flowing slowly Why is it that the street isn’t destroyed because of the bruises? I stood before the road, breathing in the pungent odor of the exhaust gas while thinking

‘…… Narumi, how do you feel?’

Alice’s voice came from the earphones stuck in my ears

“I feel like puking”

My voice had probably spread out through the microphone hidden in ely shaped pot, and a ca to feel as if I’m not a person anyet the repulsive feeling to disappear after pressing a button

‘If the repulsive feeling disappears, you won’t be able to cos, even thinking of the ice cream that Master ’

Alice’s advice is just useless toin my mouth Because it was too bitter, I bit my mouth to hide the taste with blood, but it became more terrible instead After a fewthe taste of blood to hide the taste of the drug is already an abnorht, and a chill ca to puke caain

I’

“…… I just feel thatthrough an infrared ca masks? Is there a festival today?”

‘Naru masks’

‘But…”

The green light lit up, and soainst my back The masked crowd flowed from two sides of the road to the dark, murky river of the asphalt road I was drawn into the crowd, and took a step forward

Tetsu-senpai and Hiro should be tailing me somewhere, and that’s my only consolation If I couldn’t even remember that, I’ll probably just drown in the streets, not able to float ever again, right?

Hiro was in charge of tailing the drug dealer

Tetsu-senpai, on the other hand, was in charge of— collecting my corpse

nobody knows if I will be able to find theht just die in vain

The horns of the cars are , in the crowd, the piercingis becoer

‘Walk onto the slope from the street center, and wander around the Hotel Street’

“Alice, why are you gnashi+ng your teeth? It’s so noisy, stop that”

‘ What are you talking about? I’ my teeth’

I only noticed after Alice said that, the teeth gnashi+ng sound was the footsteps of high heeled shoes of a college student beside me who looked like a wo and kept my distance with her But it’s completely useless, footsteps ca on the ground dah heeled shoes, hurry up and change into flat ones!

‘What’s with you, Naru too loudly?’

“It’s…… nothing”

I used the back of my palm to wipe away the spit at the corner of ave me a look and passed by me Never mind, it’s just footsteps I breathed in deeply, and held in the gastric acid that felt like it’s burning in my throat How much time has passed since I took the medicine? Probably just twenty minutes? Or has teeks already passed, and it’s just that I couldn’t re

While , I walked to the west of the street center I felt terrible when I passed through the playground, the flood of noises made uns

‘Vice Admiral Fujishi+ rapidly’

Major’s voice came from the earphones I placed my hand on my left wrist Not only did Major set up cas to measure my pulse, blood pressure and body temperature I feel like I’m a robot that’s controlled from afar

‘Naru to cross the boundary between reality and hallucination soon, youhappy!’

So happy?

Three unifor a HMV Record Store It’s our school uniform Happy moments in my memory—

‘Don’t think of Ayaka!’

Alice sensed hts with her acute intuition, and tried to stopvoice But she was too late I was forced to relive the ht skies were at the other side of the railing Ayaka was atcan wettenedcoht skies were chased away, and old radiance……

What is this?

I stood at the center of the crossroad, the road was surrounded by buildings full of colorful neon lights Raising my head to look at the sky, I saw it

“…… Angel?”

‘Narumi, what did you see? Whatever it is, just tell ’

I squinted, hugging the streetlight, because it seemed like I would be flushed away by the radiance if I didn’t do so

“Alice, hey, have you ever looked at the surroundings from the centre of an explosion?”

‘Sorry, but I’m a hikikomori, so I’ve never seen an explosion before But even if I have a chance to see it in the future, I’ll politely decline your recommendation of hoatch it’

“Really? Because that’s what I’ht now”

I stretched out ht particle The sweet flow of electricity passed through ers, my head

“Ahhhh……”

I let outand my headache vanished The sensation that took their place filled h the winter, the power that pulled the sun out fro a new day I knehat that poas called, everyone knew it, it’s just that the people who couldn’t see angels have forgotten about it

I thought, Toshi+ probably saw the saive Ayaka who ju a word, because she just went to see the angels You see, if you just stretch out your hands, angels are around us Forgive those faceless, purple patients who are just swept through the night, they just don’t know the existence and the naht

“Alice, do you knohat this is called?”

Even ht particles, intercrossing without

‘I know, it’s love Love o round’

The sweet voice of the young girl was quoting the lyrics froave it to us, he ht not have known about its name, too But we know, its nao

‘Naru, remember? It’s Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door’’

Hearing Alice’s words, I reotten I have to search for heaven’s door

I need to meet Ayaka

I stepped on the surface of the night river, every step turned into a ripple and spread to the whole world The whole world is beckoning tothat they exist because of me, and that we are one and the sa feathers of the angels, and felt that I had to sing I was born for this uidance of the rays of love, walk up the slope, and open the doors to heaven Listen, there’s a faint sound of the plucking of a guitar The hostels arranged side by side are palaces of gold, the sounds of footsteps, noises, the sounds of the engines of cars further away, the sounds of thousands of the outer unit of air conditioners, the sound of wet breathing due to lust, all of the close to Dylan’s husky voice

‘ Knockin’ on heaven’s door……’

I heard it I could really hear it In the tens of thousands ofing voice

“…… I found it”

At the instant when I was ushed out from my mouth and my ears, then splattered onto my skin

The ainst the steel door that looked sticky and filthy because of spray paint, and gradually squatted down His head was lowered, and he tapped his knees to the tempo of the holy music with earphones on his ears

‘Narumi, you found him? Really?’

Don’t you know? Can’t you see it? shi+ning wings are clearly drawn on both of the , too

‘Naruet any closer!’

The voice of the young girl resounded in my ears With my hands on the wall of the hostel, I sloalked towards the angel It felt just like stepping on clouds Very soon I’ to reach him, very soon

‘Tetsu, catch hold of Naruht? He’s the one who’s wearing a leather jacket and squatting doith earphones on You can’t get caught by him! And don’t let him run away! Narumi! Narumi! Get a hold of yourself!’

I pulled off the noisy earphone The song of the angel flowed directly intoKnockin’ on Heaven’s Door I’ll get there soon Soon I’ll be able to see Ayaka again Just as I was about to stretch out ht hold of my shoulders

Let go! Let go of me!

I struggled until el is flying away The door that was opening soon is closing I clutched the asphalt road with round That’s why the ray of light is above radually covered up ain and again, again and again, knocked and knocked……

I think everyone has thought at least once when they were little, why do humans continue to live, because there isn’t a simple and clear ansritten in the textbooks of this country (An answer existed in the past, but was burned down during the Second World War and the collapse of the economy)

Some people made a simple conclusion, that is to obtain happiness, and then stopped thinking about it; while the people who couldn’t stop thinking about it realized that this answer is just another way of phrasing the question, and in the end they sank deeper into the swamp of questions

Some people were already satisfied with the answer on the PE textbook during high school, the three less answer; And so is to search for theof our existence; there were also some people who started to read philosophical books just so that they could have a cool answer if they were asked, but in the end stopped after they read the first paragraph of the forth page, and coot about the question

I am not any of those people

Before I becah school student, I was a not so aard middle school student Those days, I skipped school before, and pondered about the question while sitting beside the riverbank

Because we don’t want to die— that was the only possible answer I could think of Though this answered the question ‘Why do humans want to live’, it still couldn’t answer the question ‘What do humans live for’ At least I still knew that when I was in middle school

Apart fro suspicion for the definition that to live means that you haven’t died yet That’s because I knew that another type of incomprehensible people who exists in this world— those who aren’t dead, but aren’t really living either, for instance my father From the day when my mom passed away because of an accident, it was like a part of ht to a different world This is one of the rare things that I agree with my sister After that, father was almost never at home, and just mailed us money for our daily expenses

As long as you are living, you can’t evade death Some people could only reach this conclusion after a whole life of ignorance, so I, who understood this just by observing my relatives, am actually quite lucky

If there is noto life, then why do we live? I, as still thirteen at that tirassy land beside the river ith dew After that day, I didn’t take any step forward

But there is one thing that I can be sure of

There wouldn’t be any answer noproblems, there are too many unknowns But if I understood, it would probably a split second understanding, just like being struck by lightning

But ould I become after that?

Would I still be myself?

When I woke up, I felt an extended, severe pain

When I tried to open my eyes, there was an unco to pick away a scab

It’s so bright The piercing lights hurt my eyes

There seemed to be a shadow in front of me What is is?

I didn’t realize after quite soirl

“Narumi, welcome back”

The young girl was s from her shoulders onto my neck

I tried to sit, and felt the pain ofI frowned

I was sleeping on the bed in Alice’s room, surrounded by the blackand the cold artificial air

It was obviously extremely cold, but there wasn’t even a small reaction from my body

I looked atthat this isn’t my body I have obviously seen my skin and the wrinkles on it for thousands of times, but if you just lifted the thin layer of skin, it would feel like it is filled with an unknown liquid That is what I felt at that moment

Then, where did o?

`My soul— where did it vanish to?

I thought of the el, the ly radiant world Even so, all of that have vanished

No

They did not vanish

“How do you feel… What a stupid question!”

Alice murmured behind me

Asking me how I feel? Do you even need to ask?

Terrible

My head didn’t hurt, and I didn’t feel repulsive, even the pain in my teeth vanished, and I couldn’t even feel the cold But, but—

I understood

I didn’t even have to think about it What have Toshi+ said tolike the reason that we continue to live is to stimulate our nerves But why did Toshi+, the person as directly stiels, and I feel so terrible? That quite clear, it’s because Toshi+’s answer isn’t the answer Sti our nerves for the sense of cooal and not just a trick, it’s one of the reasons of the error in the forht now— the one who had been guided by the angel have seen that for pleasure, it’s just a simple calculation, everyone knows the answer for that, everyone knows

The answer is zero

There is absolutely noto life

Even breathing and heartbeats could htly held the blanket,to contain the pain No, why a it? It’ll be okay if I just stop, stop breathing, stop the flow of blood, stop thinking about everything If the statement that people continue to live because they don’t want to die is true, then the opposite must be correct as well

If only I would stop

“— Your request has already been coht?”

It was Alice’s voice I turned my head over

The darkness that lacked luster wrapped her whole body, even her gloves were black She wore a bonnet, and a thin veil covered her entire face

I finally realized that Alice was not wearing pajamas, but a black dress The darkness that lacked luster wrapped her whole body, even her gloves were black She wore a bonnet, and a thin veil covered her entire face

They were clothes for people in

“…… Request?”

“You gave ht? It’s because you wanted to know the true reason for Ayaka’s suicide You already kno, so the request has been coht?

“Wha……”

Looking at the back of Alice’s shoulder, a switched off computer screen reflected my face— a raised, crooked face There wasn’t even a hint of anger on it The face looked like it belonged to a dead person, reddish black s surfaced below the eyes, as if it was drawn onto the face with charcoal

“…… ah, AAHHH!”

I re dawn, blood spread in the garden, Ayaka who stared at the skies with black eyes, there were those sas on that face

The reason for Ayaka’s suicide

I’ve understood

Alice have said before this, there is absolutely noAyaka’s suicide, so I don’t need to think why she wanted to die As Alice have said, I don’t need to think at all The thoughts and emptiness in my heart are the answer

Because Ayaka knew it too

Living is less

“To explain in a scientific way……”

Alice said The fuzzy face of the young girl gradually became clearer

“Bruises like that appearing is a sign of being allergic to the contents of Angel Fix There are so Both you and Ayaka are this type of people, it’s that si sense of emptiness after the hallucinations fade, do you understand? What you are feeling right now is only a horrendous hallucination caused by the drug, that ht be the facts but not the truth”

So…… So what?

Alice shi+fted her gaze away from me, as if she was pained

“Another way of saying that would be, it is not the truth…… but the facts I know that this explanation is utterly less The despair and happiness that you felt, all of them are chemical reactions that are released by your nervous syste”

Is that so…… Utterly er, sadness, happiness and emptiness, all of them are chemical reactions

So, all of them are true facts

“The drug would aret is, or even the guilt because of the sin of planting the flowers Even if it isn’t deliberate, there is no roo In front of the facts, the truth could only stay silent So……”

The dark eyes gazed at me

“I wouldn’t say anything to stop you”

I gazed at the small, pale pink mouth

“If you plan to change into that, I have no power to stop you However……”

The folded paper that was held in Alice’s hands, is the will that Alice forced el Fix At that moment, I was completely clueless to the reason that Alice asked me to write it, so the contents in it were only hastily scribbled things

The one rote the will is not the person that I am now

“But, I will definitely tell people about you Telling people that you did indeed exist, telling the that you should do”

The thing I should do

The thing I should do?

The sound of an opening door came from behind me

“Hey! Alice! Why did you tell Yondaime!”

It was Tetsu-senpai’s furious voice I turned around and aze, and senpai as about to walk into the room was taken aback, his whole body stiff

“Narumi, so you’re awake? Are you okay?”

I weakly nodded

“Has Hiro brought his car? We can’t let Yondaio!”

“Alice, you’re going too?”

“Don’t you understand after seeing o”

“Ah…… Oi! Why did you tell Yondaiuhter everyone inside”

Ah, Toshi+ and the others were found?

That’s right, I ate the Angel Fix because of this I’ve already forgotten about it Now that I think about it, it felt like it happened a lifetio

Finished the thing that I should do

So what?

Alice crawled to my side and walked down from the bed

“There is a business contract between Yondai all inforht people at their side, right? Anyhoe umi

“But……”

“That is why I gave them a condition, they can’t take action before I appear I assure you, I have a plan, and wouldn’t let the to Toshi+”

Unsatisfied, Tetsu-senpai sank into a silence and walked out of the room

Alice turned around

Half of h the black veil

“All of this is because of your contribution To ifts for our satisfaction, but to you… There’s probably no difference, right?”

No difference

“…… I’ out You can just continue to sleep here if you want to, and if you want to juht, move the rack and then you can open the s to jump out of it But it’s just the third floor here, so it’s not guaranteed that your attempt would be successful”

“…… Are you going?”

“I’ve said so already, didn’t I? I want to knohy Ayaka wanted to jump from the school rooftop Toshi+ and Haka For this reason, and only for this reason, I’less even after I know it”

“…… Are you just leaving me here?”

I slowly got up,of a htly

“Do you want to go withwith my self-satisfaction”

I shook my head I don’t really want to follow her, and actually don’t want to go anywhere or do anything But……

“Then—“

“…… Go yourself!”

Alice’s eyes widened

“What are you doing?”

“I’o yourself!”

A hoarse shout came out from my throat

“Always looking like you know everything, trius, but couldn’t you understand such a si if I didn’t say so?”

I didn’t knohy I was so angry, but was only ventingirons, on the fuzzy shadow in front of me

“Just order me around as usual! Can’t you see that I can’t recover by ive me any order! If not, I- I- I……”

I tightly held the side of the bed, and coughed violently like I was squeezing out all the air inside ofBut, my body is already useless anyways These hands, these feet, all of them are useless, and can’t help anyone anymore So no matter what, even if they become rotten, just pretend that they don’t exist froot about me—

A cold hand was placed on my neck

My body had a spas s, shoulders and heart

“— That’s true, your request has already been coiven me my payment yet”

I bore the pain that felt as iftorn off, and raisedthat I saas Alice’s s like a river

“Then just work till you drop, because you’re s, your eyes, your ears, your throat, your nails, your teeth, your tongue, and even your last drop of blood……”

The dihtly with her index finger

“— all of them are now my property”

Gazing at the skies from the back seat of the car, I could see the cri

Hiro sat on the driver’s seat and said: “You slept for about fifteen hours already” Tetsu-senpai sat on the front leat, while Alice was stuck in the ed her baby bear plushi+e that was somewhat smaller than her n car set out with its back to the road beside the river, bringing an eccentric group of five and a bear, only the translucent, whiteus

“I’ve contacted Narumi’s family They weren’t worried at all By the way, do remember to introduce your sister to me after this”

Almost at the same time, Tetsu-senapi pulled Hiro’s hair while Major aih After Hiro said that, I remembered fuzzily, so I have family I just feel that the last tio

During our journey, Alice didn’t say even one word Hugging her plushi+e until even her fingernails turned deathly white, Alice was even sweating cold sweat

Well, this girl is a hikikoo out even so? It was obvious that she could just hand it to Yondaime and Tetsu-senpai, and the matter would end

While looking at theto end soon

Meeting Ayaka— as that again? It was on Nove to end soon, so we’ve known each other for about three months now If I would describe this with old-fashi+oned ter dream

Everything had a sense of emptiness before I closedup?

It’s going to end soon

The car swayed with force and stopped

The co on— there were a noodle shop, a photo shop, a bicycle shop and a pet store It’s just five in the evening, and they’ve already closed It was just a five minute trip froine that they’re in the same district

At the parking lot that was so big that it doesn’t athered youngblack T-shi+rts with a stail butterfly emblem printed on it Hiro parked the car at the side of the parking lot

“Ane-san, thanks for your hard work!”

“Thanks for your hard work”