34 Sweet Dreams Are Made of This (1/2)

”The official signing of the Seoul Accords was officiated today by the United Nations at the Vienna International Centre. 133 countries within the United Nations have approved and signed the accords today, with Secretary of State Thaddeus Ross delivering a speech on improving superhuman awareness within the governments of the world.”

Reading off his teleprompter, Will Adams of WHiH World News spoke to the camera, ”Of the individuals asked to sign; Tony Stark, James Rhodes, and Natasha Romanoff of the Avengers were present.”

Turning his head to the next camera, Will continued, ”Notably absent was Steve 'Captain Amerca' Rogers and Sam 'Falcon' Wilson. Captain Steve Rogers is considered the de facto leader of the Avengers by many, and Sergeant Sam Wilson was an active participant in the fall of SHIELD. Most commentators believed Captain Rogers would be the first to enlist in the United Nations' Avengers, with many now questioning his motives for refusal.”

”Also absent, Naruto Uzumaki. Though not considered an official member of the Avengers, many speculated on his appearance at the signing today. Though inside sources say he is not within the Seoul Accord's umbrella of control, many believed he would share his support for the passing of the bill after assisting the cities struck by 5/22. Recent polls show an outpour of support for the alien hero, while support for the Avengers has plummeted to an all-time low.”

Now looking back at the main camera, Will started again, ”In more local news, presidential candidate Imus Champion began his campaign in New York yesterday. Today he'll be stopping by Albany before heading into Buffalo-”

The television was muted, Jessica Drew looking down at Illyana with a raised eyebrow, ”You really had to set up the TV instead of helping with the moving in?”

Illyana shrugged, looking around the barren room. There was no furniture or decorations, nothing but a flat-screen TV sitting on the cold wooden floor, ”I wanted to see who signed.”

”You already knew who was going to sign, Secretary Ross told us over a week ago.” Jessica chastised, ”Did you honestly think anyone would change their mind?”

”I'd hoped.” Illyana answered, turning the TV off, ”Don't tell me you think Captain America should be considered a criminal.”

”He isn't considered a criminal, he's considered retired.” Jessica corrected, ”And unless he breaks that agreement, it'll stay that way. As it should, the law's the law.”

Illyana rolled her eyes, ”If you think Captain America will retire, you're delusional.”

”I'd rather think that than think he'd knowingly break the law.” The brunette shot back, ”Now come on, Uzumaki's clones can't do all the work.”

”Then what's the point of them then?” She grumbled with a complimentary stink eye as she followed Jessica outside.

Parked in front of the building sat a moving truck. In it were various kinds of furniture and other appliances that Shuri had graciously bought for them. Standing beside it, watching over his clones as they wheeled off the truck's occupants one by one, Naruto signed away several documents held up by the portly delivery man.

”…Address, 890 Fifth Avenue, Manhattan, New York-”

”Ya know ya don't gotta read it out loud, righ'?” Asked the delivery man.

Illyana scowled, ”You know you don't gotta be a dick, right?”

With a final flourish, Naruto gave his last signature before passing the clipboard to the now irate man, ”Thank you, sir!”

Grumbling, the man walked over to the driver's side of the truck as he inspected the signed documents.

With the man's back turned, Naruto was free to give Illyana a hard deadpan as he whispered, ”Seriously?”

Illyana answered with a shrug.

Scratching his chin, Naruto said, ”So, what do you guys think?”

”It's…big.” Jessica offered plainly, ”Why is it so big, again?”

Their new home, a massive complex, took up the entire city block it sat on and stood four stories high. Thanks to a quick Wikipedia search by Illyana, Naruto learned it had previously been owned by Howard Stark in the 1950's but had been sold off and used as an office building for several political campaigns.

How Shuri had gotten her hands on it, Naruto didn't want to ask, but in the end he was just happy to finally have an actual base of operations to work from. After all, Illyana's apartment wasn't exactly the best place to have meetings over the fate of the universe.

”Shuri might've gone a little overboard.” Naruto admitted, ”But the bigger, the better…I think. Anyways, she's gonna be coming over in an hour or so to set up some equipment in the basement, so don't be complaining when she's around.”

Jessica raised an eyebrow, ”Basement?”

A wide and excited smile stretched along Naruto's face.

-x-

”Wow.”

Standing in the basement of their new home, the three members of Infinity Watch looked over the wide-open space before them. In one half of the room sat equipment and other necessities that had yet to be unpacked and put together. To their right, a dojo like door blocked out the next room.

Walking further into the room, Naruto said, ”This will be our Batcave…or Arrowcave, or Fortress of Solitude…whatever you want to call it.”

Jessica inspected the dojo doors, sliding them open to reveal a massive room, the familiar smell of a fighting mat hitting her nose.

Passed the training mat sat a large patch of grass and dirt, with a small koi pond in the center of the small in-door training field. On the right side of the room, a gym was separated by a glass wall, a plethora of gym equipment sitting in the corner needing to be unpacked.

”We're gonna be training in here.” Naruto said, stating the obvious, clearly proud of his makeshift training room.

”Training?” Jessica wondered.

Naruto nodded, ”Team exercises, physical training, sparring, the works. We've all gotta get into proper shape before we can start working as an actual team.”

Illyana raised an eyebrow, ”Most of us are already in shape-”

”Not the kinda shape we need to be.” The shinobi corrected, ”I want to get us in the kind of shape where I don't have to send you guys away if things get too crazy like it did on Knowhere. That means team building, strategy exercises, and a shit ton of sparring so we know how each other fights, inside and out.”

”I was hoping we could get to some actual field work.” Jessica admitted, frustration under her breath.

Smirking, the Uzumaki said, ”If you wanna get out there, let's get out there.”

”Let's…as in together?”

”Sure, why not.” Naruto offered, jabbing his thumb over at Illyana's direction, ”We can leave her to the unpacking, since she decided she was too good to help unload the truck.” He said with his trademark grin.

”Hey!” Illyana called out indignantly as Naruto led Jessica away. As they disappeared up the basement steps, the sorceress ran her hands through her hair as she looked at the boxes littered along the basement floor.

”Well shit.”

-x-

”Holy shit-”

The proclamation was halted by the butt of a gun being jammed into the poor man's cheek, dropping him to the ground with a thud.

”Everybody get down on the ground, now!”

Everyone's attention was drawn to the violent shout, the startled bank patrons gasping when they realized it was Naruto Uzumaki standing a few feet in front of the bank teller. The notorious non-Avenger was holding his arm up in the air, pointing his hand towards the tellers menacingly.

A look of warning etched in his face, Naruto shouted, ”I'll blow you all away if any one of you makes a move I don't like.”

A robust man with a receding hairline, seemingly the manager, took a shaky step forward, ”Mister, you don't have to hurt any-”

”Shut the fucking hell up!” Naruto screamed, ”You watch the news? I could kill you without even a blink. Now, all of you not behind the counter get on the fucking ground right fucking now!”

”Yes, okay we understand sir.” The manager stuttered out, motioning to his employees to comply, ”You want some money? Hm, is that what you want? 'Cause we'll give it to you, know problem. Just…please, take it easy.”

”No bundles, just singles. I don't want one goddamn bundle of bills in this bag or I'll kill everyone in this fucking room.” Naruto explained, pulling the duffle bag from around his shoulder and tossing it to the nearest teller.

Everyone was now laying on their bellies with their limbs spread out wide, one particular woman quivering in fear as she looked up at the intimidating figure that was Naruto Uzumaki. The man was wearing an all black business suit, a pair of leather gloves, and she could swear that the outline of a handgun was sticking out from the waistline of his pants. Catching his eye, the woman jolted her head back down to stare down at the ground with a whimper.

Naruto kept his eyes peeled out around him, half his attention on the duffle bag as it was passed among the tellers, each stuffing all the money in their registers inside as quickly as humanly possible. After the fifth teller, the bag finally found its way into the manager's hands.

”The-there. That's all of it.” Quivered the manager, beads of sweat gliding down his face as he presented the now stuffed duffle bag.

Violently grabbing the bag, Naruto quickly ruffled through it. Seemingly satisfied, he gave as charming smile as he could muster, ”Thank you all, it's been a pleasure. If anyone follows after me, I'll find each and every one of you and kill you as slowly as I know how. Again, it's been a pleasure.”

Walking backwards, Naruto kicked the bank's door open before sliding outside.

Panning over the busy streets of Queens, he smiled at the lack of police. Hefting the bag up over his shoulder, Naruto began a swift walk towards his car.

Reaching up for the car's passenger side door handle, he jumped as a thick glue-like substance shot onto his hand, sticking it to the car with a loud 'thwomp.' Jerking his now stuck hand to try and pry it free, Naruto jumped again as someone jumped down onto the roof of his car from above.

”Wow, the whole hero gig must not pay as much as I thought it would if you gotta rob banks. This is like the third bank this week, right? Whatta busy guy you are.”

Grimacing at the mocking tone, Naruto raised an eyebrow at the strangely dressed Samaritan.

Judging from their height and body shape, he could guess he was a young man, a kid if anything. He was covered from head to toe in a getup he could only call sweats and pajamas, the red and blue contrasting sharply and the sewn-on spider logo forcing an eyebrow to be raised. His face was covered entirely by a mask of the same material, with a pair of rigged goggles covering his eyes. The squinting white eyes glared down at him, the kid's head tilted in a mocking gesture.

”You know who I am?” Naruto asked.

The kid shrugged, ”Oh yeah, big fan…well I was. Kinda hard to like a guy who robs banks for a living, ya know?”

Naruto couldn't hold back his smirk when he realized the kid was making his voice deeper to try and sound older, ”Ever heard of Jesse James?” He offered offhandedly. Frowning, he continued, ”If you know who I am, you know what I can do. Just forget about this and I won't kill you kid.”

”Who's the kid?” The kid wondered, his voice getting an octave deeper, though the unmistakable voice crack couldn't be ignored, ”And sorry buddy, but that's not gonna happen.”

”Fine.” Naruto breathed harshly.

With a hard pull and a relaxing of his hand, Naruto pulled his hand out from the glove that covered it, freeing himself before reaching into his waistband to pull out the gun he'd stowed away.

But the kid seemed to have some kind of sixth sense, because Naruto had barely touched the grip of his gun before he back flipped off the car and took cover on the other side.

When no gun shots rang off, the kid peaked out from his side of the car to see Naruto sprinting down the sidewalk before turning sharp into an ally on his right.

”Goddammit.” The kid cursed at himself as he jumped up like a spring.

Naruto cursed as he looked over his shoulder to see the kid running after him, quickly catching up.

With a grunt, he jumped up onto a dumpster, using that as a springboard to reach the fire escape just above it. With a heave, his muscles straining due to the added weight of the bag, Naruto pulled himself up onto the fire escape. He didn't look back as he began to scale up the escape's steps. Eventually reaching the roof, he caught his breath as he looked around for a way down.

His search was cut short by a shout from behind, ”Hey, I thought you could like walk up walls and stuff? Figures your Wikipedia page would be full of it.”

Jumping for the third time, Naruto turned to see the kid leaning up against the ledge of the building, several feet away from the fire escape.

”How'd you get up here?” Naruto asked, perturbed.

”Oh, well I can actually climb up walls and stuff. Pretty nifty actually.” The kid's artificial eyes narrowed as he got off the ledge, ”Wanna see what else I can do?”

”Not really.” Naruto declined, dashing off towards the opposite side of the building. Picking up momentum, he jumped over the gap with a heave. Landing with a roll, he got back up to his feet and continued his run.

As the man ran, the kid scratched at his masked scalp, ”Can't he like…fly?”

Shrugging breezily, he quickly gave chase.

Huffing as he came up to another ledge, Naruto repeated the same jump from before. Landing with another roll, he stumbled as he came up to his feet. That stumble let him see that the kid had easily jumped the space between two buildings back and was sprinting at him at full speed.

Reaching the next ledge, he skidded to a halt when he saw the large gap between. Cursing, he began to look for a fire escape to climb down. Spotting one, he was one step in when the kid landed in a crouch a few feet away.

Springing up straight, the kid fired off several shots of the sticky substance from his wrists at rapid fire. Evading them, Naruto threw caution into the wind and went in close for a solid jab towards the kid's face.

Again, it was like he had a sixth sense. Ducking under the punch, the kid gave an awkward kick that Naruto blocked by crossing his arms in front of his chest. Skidding back from the force of the blow, the blonde shook his now numb arms to try and get their feeling back.

”You know, you're not as awesome as I thought you'd be. With everything I've seen on YouTube, I thought you'd be doing same kooky alien stuff by now.” The kid observed, his head tilted in thought, ”Never meet your heroes, I guess.”

Naruto didn't retort, instead going in for a brutal hammer fist that the kid avoided. Undeterred, Naruto continued their brawl, with the blonde doing his best to land a hit and the kid avoiding him at every turn. Finally, after finding an immediate opening, Naruto drove his fist into the kid's sternum.

Coughing from the hit and stumbling back, the kid almost reflexively fired off a shot into Naruto's face, nailing him in the forehead.

Rolling back and landing in a crouch, the kid's eyes squinted in pain as he recovered, only for them to widen when they landed on Naruto's face.

Naruto had harshly pulled off the substance, his skin now warped in an inhumanly distorted manner.

”You ruined my mask.” Naruto grunted, shifting it back into place. Though it wasn't as morphed as before, it was still more loose than the kid could stomach.

The kid's artificial eyes narrowed, his head tilted curiously, ”You're not Naruto Uzumaki, are you?”

”I suppose one could say that. But with this face, this voice, who cares to know the difference?” The imposter said with a nonchalant shrug, ”He kills and ruins lives, what's a few bank robberies added to his crimes?”

Seeming no longer see the point in continuing the charade, the imposter began to peel away the mask. Under it revealed no face at all, just another mask. Only this one was featureless, plane white and smooth leaving everything to the imagination.

The kid's head tilted further, ”A mask under a mask? That's a little Scooby-Doo isn't it?”

”I'm glad the last thing you got to say was a joke, not a lot of people have that luxury.” The imposter said wistfully as he pulled out his gun.

As he swung it around, and his finger wrapped along the trigger, a figure dropped down behind him. Before he could realize it, the imposter was put in a tight choke hold. The last thing he felt before consciousness left him was a jolt of electricity charging into his body.

Holding the limp man in her arms, Jessica sighed as she let him drop in a heap to the ground. Frowning at the masked man slumped below her, she said, ”Are you gonna come out, or do I have to handle everything?”

The kid's eyes showed his confusion, ”What-”

”I keep forgetting that you can zap people like that.”

The kid jerked in surprise, his senses going haywire as he felt someone suddenly appear behind him. Turning sharply, the kid took a few steps back when he saw Naruto Uzumaki standing over him, looking over his shoulder at Jessica and the unconscious imposter.

Jessica, who was wearing her Infinity Watch uniform, sighed, ”It's not a zap. It's a bio-electrical discharge.”

”Semantics.” Naruto shrugged nonchalantly. At the sound of encroaching police sirens, he said, ”Let's get this guy down to the sidewalk.” He looked to Jessica, ”You got any handcuffs?”

”Where would I keep handcuffs in this thing?” Jessica asked, referring to her skin-tight body suit.

”No one told you that you had to wear it.” Naruto shot back with a dismissive wave of the hand. Scratching his scalp, he looked to the kid, ”Hey kid, you got some handcuffs?”

The kid straightened at attention, ”Oh, uh…no. Sorry.”

”It's alright-”

Naruto was interrupted by the sound of a wet squelch, his eyebrows shooting up as what looked like webs fired out from the kid's wrist. The webbing shot out and enveloped the imposter's hands, wrapping around and binding them tightly.

Both Naruto and Jessica's attention went from the bound hands to the kid, who was shifting awkwardly under the scrutiny.

Taking stock of the kid's outfit for the first time, and noticing the spider symbol sewn into the torso of his shirt, Naruto asked, ”What are you, some kind of spider man or something?”

”Uh…I guess?” The now dubbed Spider-Man admitted.

Naruto chuckled, ”Well Spider-Man, meet Spider-Woman.” He said, motioning to Jessica who had lifted the imposter up over her shoulder.

”That is not my name.” Jessica grumbled, beginning to walk over to the ledge of the building.

”Oh, it's definitely your name now.” Naruto cackled, following after her.

Realizing they were leaving him behind as they jumped off the ledge of the building, Spider-Man shouted, ”Hey, wait for me!”

Jumping off the roof, he quickly fired a line of webbing towards the corner of the adjacent building. With a jolt, the webbing caught him in his free fall. Giving the line some slack, Spider-Man slowly descended to the streets below.

Naruto, who'd heard the kid call out to them, watched as he awkwardly dropped to the ground in amusement.

As Spider-Man caught up, so too did a duo of police officers, pulling up in their squad car with the sirens blaring. Stepping out, the officers took the imposter from Jessica, heaving him into the back of the car.

Pulling out a pad, one of the officers gave the three a wary look, ”I'ma need to see your guys' registration.”

”They ain't registered.” The other officer answered for them as he wrote into a pad of his own, ”Don't you recognize 'em? That's Maelstrom and Agent Drew. They're good to go.”

”Right.” Muttered the first officer, though he didn't seem too happy with it. His scrutiny shifted to Spider-Man, ”Whatta 'bout him?”

Spider-Man shifted nervously, ”Uh-”

”He's with us.” Naruto answered, Spider-Man's head shooting up in a shocked confusion.

”Really?” The second officer asked, suspicious, ”You and her and your friends aren't to be bothered, but this kid wasn't a part of the list we were given. If he ain't registered, we gotta take him in with us.”

”He's new.” Was Naruto's answer firmly, daring the man to challenge him further, ”If it weren't for him we wouldn't have gotten…whoever this guy is.”

”Who he is isn't any of your-”

”His name's Dmitri Smerdyakov.” Jessica answered, much to the officer's displeasure, ”He's been on Interpol's most wanted list for nearly a decade. His M.O. is disguising himself as a celebrity while committing a string of robberies. You'd be surprised how much more compliant people are when they're getting robbed by someone like Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio.”

Seeing the cat was out of the bag, the second officer exhaled, ”He's been runnin' around Queens and Harlem robbing banks, looking like Mr. Uzumaki here.” He eyed Naruto with a small smile, ”His impression of you is pretty good, good number of people thought it was actually you for a bit. But once we got word from Interpol, we knew what was what.”

”I guess I should be flattered.” Naruto muttered flatly, looking at the now conscious Dmitri. The man was glaring a hole through the car window that divided him from the outside world, his eyes boring into Naruto like hot knives.

Several questions later, and the officers carted Dmitri off. When the patrol car was out of sight, Jessica turned her attention to Spider-Man.

A hand on her hip, she looked at him with scrutiny, ”You're not registered.”

It wasn't a question.

Spider-Man looked one wrong word away from high tailing it out of there, his eyes widened comedically as he stuttered, ”Well, uh…the thing is-”

”Jessica,” Naruto cut off. Having grabbed her attention, the blonde wordlessly shoed her away with a nod of his head.

Though she looked ready to argue, she held her tongue. With a grunt, she jumped up the side of the building and quickly scaled it like her moniker suggested.

If Spider-Man was impressed that she could climb walls like he could, he didn't show it. His full attention was on Naruto, his stance showing that he really didn't know what to do.

Naruto, who'd been eyeballing the kid with the same kind of scrutiny as Jessica, finally broke the tension with his patented smile, ”Hungry?”

-x-

On the roof of an apartment building a couple blocks over, Naruto leaned on the roof's ledge as he finished off his recently purchased hotdog. Looking away from the bustling city of Queens, he silently watched the kid eat, the boy sitting on the ledge next to him, his legs kicking back and forth seemingly without a care in the world.

”How old are you, kid?” Naruto finally asked.

Spider-Man, his mask partially pulled up so he could eat his hotdog, coughed mid-swallow. Clearing throat, he spoke in a voice that was suspiciously deeper than it had been back on the other rooftop, ”Seve-…eighteen.”

”Right.” Naruto drawled, taking another bite from his hotdog.

Swinging around so he was facing Naruto, Spider-Man tilted his head, ”So…you're really Naruto Uzumaki? The guy people call Maelstrom and stuff?”

Naruto chuckled, ”Yeah, yeah that's me.”

”…Huh.” The kid said as he took another bite.

”What?”

”Well,” Spider-Man muttered, his mouth full, ”I guess I just thought you'd be a little more...intimidating or something.”

Naruto barked out a single laugh, ”You want me to do something a little flashy, prove I'm legit?”

”Well, I've had a pretty interesting day, what with the Naruto Uzumaki imposter and all. I don't think you can blame me for wanting some proof.” Spider-Man argued lamely before taking the final bite of his hotdog.

”Fine.” Naruto breathed. Extending his hand, he calmly palmed a Rasengan.

Spider-Man's eyes widened as far as they could, ”Woah.” He breathed, chunks of meat slipping passed his gaping mouth.

And as quickly as it appeared, it was gone, ”Good enough?”

”Yeah, you're the real deal.” The kid conceded, amazed at the display. Balling up the foil in his hand, Spider-Man pulled his mask back into place.

”Alright, now your turn.” The shinobi said, ”How old are you really?”

Spider-Man fidgeted, ”I told you, I'm-”

”Going off your height and size, and the actual pitch of your voice, I'd say you're around fourteen, give or take.” Naruto guessed.

The kid's shoulders slumped in defeat, ”…I'm fifteen.”

Naruto smiled as the kid stopped deepening his voice, ”So, what's a pajama wearing fifteen-year-old doing fighting crime on the streets of Queens?”

”They're not pajamas.” Spider-Man retorted, his artificial eyes showing his indignation, ”It's a hoodie and some sweatpants. It's not like there's a superhero superstore for me to go to.”

”Still doesn't answer why a fifteen-year-old kid is out in a mask stopping bank robbers.” Naruto shot back.

”I don't know, why do you do it?” Spider-Man asked guardedly, ”And you should know why I wear a mask.”

The blonde nodded, ”No one's gonna let an underage kid become a registered mask, no matter how impressive he might be.”

Spider-Man perked up, ”You really think I'm impressive?” He asked, hopeful.

Naruto laughed, ”Yeah kid, you've definitely got my interest.”

Puffing his chest out proudly, the kid rested his hands on his waist, ”Yeah well-”

”You can't really fight for shit though.”

The boy immediately deflated, ”Come on man.” He whined.

”Who taught you how to throw a punch anyway?” Naruto asked with a lopsided smile.

”My uncle did.” Spider-Man grumbled, his arms falling to his sides, ”…What's wrong with how I fight?”

”Well for one, your stance is all wrong.” Naruto answered. After a second of thought, he said, ”Here let me show you.”

Shifting his feet and bending his knees, the blonde lifted his arms up in front of him. Spider, realizing the older man wanted to mimic him, slid into a similar stance, ”Like this?” He asked awkwardly.

”Loosen up a little.” Naruto said, bouncing on his toes to accentuate the point.

”Um, okay.” He muttered, rolling his shoulders as he did what the man said.

The shinobi nodded, ”What's your dominant hand?”

”The right.”

Naruto nodded, ”Alright, so as you swing your right first, lean in with your shoulder. As you punch, rotate your fist. Got it?”

”Okay.”

”Hit me.” Naruto said, standing at an arm's length away.

”For real?” Spider-Man questioned, his stance lowering momentarily, ”I hit pretty hard.”

”Don't hold back.” Naruto insisted firmly, giving a reassuring smile.

Releasing a nervous breath, Spider-Man nodded. Getting back into the stance Naruto showed him, the boy began to bounce on his toes, his shoulders relaxed as his hands raised up to protect his chin.

With a grunt, Spider-Man sent a jab towards Naruto's chin.

The blonde easily swatted it away, ”Again.” He demanded.

Taken aback by the ease in which Naruto deflected the punch, Spider-Man gave a hesitant nod before getting his arms back up.

With another grunt, Spider-Man sent a jab towards Naruto's chin.

This time, Naruto grabbed his wrist. Pulling Spider-Man in, Naruto dipped his shoulder down into the kid's stomach, flipping him over his shoulder.

Spider-Man hissed in pain as the air was knocked out of him from the landing. Rolling onto his stomach, he looked up at the smirking blonde, ”You okay kid?” Naruto asked.

”Oh yeah, totally fine.” He wheezed, slumping up to his hands and knees. As Naruto offered a helping hand, Spider-Man took it gratefully.

”Your uncle ever show you how to take a hit?” Asked Naruto as he lifted the kid to his feet.

”No.” He said, rubbing his bruised back.

”Maybe you should ask him?” Naruto offered. When the kid didn't answer, he said, ”Or maybe I could.”

The boy brightened up, ”Really?”

Naruto shrugged, ”Sure, if you want.”

”Yes!” Spider-Man shouted excitedly, though he quickly calmed down, awkwardly trying to save face as he muttered, ”I mean…yeah sure, I guess.”

Letting it slide, Naruto walked over to the edge of the roof, leaning against the ledge, ”So if your fifteen, shouldn't you be in school or something?”

”I'm on summer vacation.” Spider-Man answered as though it were obvious.

”Even I know summer vacation ended a few weeks ago.” Naruto accused, tilting his head, ”Skippin' school kid?”

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”Uh, well-” Spider-Man began to stutter.

Naruto lifted his hands placatingly, ”Hey, believe me, I get it.”

”You do?”

”Sure.” Naruto nodded, folding his arms across his chest, ”But, then again, I wasn't exactly the smartest kid around.” He paused, ”Can't really say that about you though, huh?” He asked, looking at the kid's web-shooters.

Spider-Man's eyes widened in surprise. Looking down in what Naruto assumed shame, he kicked at the roof's gravel, ”You could say that.”

”Where do you go to school?” Naruto asked.

”Midtown School of Science and Technology.” He answered, rubbing the back of his neck.

”Really? Wow.” Naruto blurted out, impressed, ”Well, come on. There's still enough time in the day for you to get back.”

”Seriously?” Spider-Man asked, exasperated.

”Trust me kid, you'll thank me later.” Naruto insisted.

Spider-Man nodded, though from his body language he didn't seem to agree, ”Well what am I supposed to say when I show up?”

Naruto smiles, ”Leave that to me.”

-x-

”I don't know about this.”

Naruto sighed, the man leaning against the side of a porta-potty that sat at the edge of a construction site. The crew was working on a building that had been hit during 5/22, an Ultron drone having detonated just outside the lobby.

”For the millionth time, you're secret's safe with me.” Naruto reassured, ”Come on kid, just get out here already.”

”Alright, alright.” The porta-potty's door creaked open. Stepping out, Spider-Man fixed his backpack onto his shoulder. The teen didn't look particularly special. If he were in the middle of a crowd, he wouldn't stick out any more than anyone else. His brunette hair was combed back and pressed down tight, giving him what he recognized to be mask-hair (a more serious case of hat-hair).

No longer wearing his homemade suit, the kid was had on a blue t-shirt with the chemical symbols for oxygen and magnesium scrawled along the chest.

Reaching out his hand, Naruto said, ”Naruto Uzumaki.”

Spider-Man hesitated before finally taking the hand, ”Wesley Crusher.”

”Nice to meet you, Wesley.” Naruto greeted, clapping his hand onto the boy's shoulder. Guiding him along, Naruto said, ”Now come on, you've wasted enough time complaining about me ruining your 'secret identity.'”

”Do you really gotta say it like that?” A thought struck him, ”Hey, how am I supposed to get ahold of you for the training and stuff? Do you have like a Maelstrom Phone I can call or-”

”How about you give me your number and we'll go from there.” Naruto cut off, ”And Maelstrom Phone? Really?”

Wesley shrugged, ”Hey man, I don't know how this professional superhero gig works. Cut me some slack, geez.”

As Naruto gave Wesley his phone, the blonde said, ”Well here's a tip. If it's from a cartoon from the 2000's, it's usually a safe bet that that's not how it works.”

”Should I be jotting this down or-”

”Here's another tip,” Naruto cut off helpfully as he got his phone back, ”Uzumaki bootcamps don't require notes. You should memorize every gem I drop.”