Vol 1 Chapter 8 (1/2)

When Matsuoka woke up in the ital calendar August 2nd―just staring at the letters made his forehead break out into a sweat As he was jostled along on a packed coed office worker in front of him assaulted his nose for the entire ride The unpleasantness was still lingering about him when he arrived at the office Haya down on his desk After a quick greeting, she jumped into the main topic

“You two canin front of shi+mazu Station How does that sound?”

If Hayama had just told him Fujimoto’s phone number, he could have contacted her directly and Hayae everything But Matsuoka figured she was just trying to be helpful, and kept his mouth shut

That was Thursday On Friday night, one day before the scheduled aquariuot a phone call from Hayama

“I’ with you two touilt-ridden and she see this topic up “At first, Mako said she was alright withyou alone, but suddenly today she said she wasn’t really keen on it And she’s being really stubborn about it”

Matsuoka smile wryly He and Fujimoto hadto be alone with hi absurd

“I told her off about it, too, that it would be an insult to you,” Hayama continued “But she toldin the back I’m sorry I’ll leave partway if Mako seems fine by herself”

Matsuoka ended up agreeing to the chaperoned date He could tell Haya out for both of the to waste

The next day, Matsuoka arrived tenspot in front of the station Since he wasn’t allowed to park his car there, he took it to the parking garage instead, though he kneould be back to retrieve it shortly The sky was blue, and the sun’s rays beat down fiercely Matsuoka slipped into a shady spot in front of a vending lasses He didn’t wear his fake glasses at work, but since today was a date, he made an effort to look nice like he did last ti He scoffed inwardly at hiation

Fujimoto showed up acco ti a shi+rred top and a skirt that came down below her knees instead of jeans She was also fully ht out her fe a simple and cute navy one-piece dress

“Hi, again I had a great tihtly lowered face

“Hi,” she replied in a barely-audible mumble

“Can you tait here? I’ll bring the car around,” Matsuoka said as he e

“Oh, wait,” Haya”

Matsuoka had a bad feeling “Who?” he asked He didn’t even have to wait for an answer, for a voice spoke up behind him

“Um,” it said, “I’m sorry I’m late I missed my stop”

Matsuoka turned around to see Hirosue The man wore a faded shi+rt and an equally worn-out pair of cotton pants The stubborn cowlick on the back of his head was visible even froht up like a horn

“I invited Hirosue along, too I thought one more person wouldn’t make a difference”

With his back to Hayalare The aze uncos he wanted to say, but he wasn’t about to voice them here

He bit his botto, he would have lied that his parents were in the hospital so he didn’t have to co at all costs

“Matsuoka?” Hayaht him back to reality

“So I’ll get the car, then” Matsuoka started walking briskly For the entire tiht up to the moment he pulled up in front of the station where the other three aiting, Matsuoka was quite seriously considering going straight home instead

Since their outing was still considered a date, at least in naether in the car However, Hirosue was the one who doer seat beside Matsuoka

“I think I’d be too nervous to talk if we sat beside each other,” Fuji in the back seat together

Their conversation carried on nicely; they were familiar with each other since they had met before, and both Haya Hirosue, however, did not participate in their chatter unless Hayama directed the topic at him At first, Matsuoka si because of hiht of the man’s tense expression, his bowed head, and his refusal to look at the road re unable to drive ever since causing an accident a long tio As if to back up Matsuoka’s hypothesis Hirosue’s face turned frohway

“Can we take a break?” Matsuoka said, and pulled into a parking lot a short distance frohway raether, and Hirosue tumbled out of the car and slumped weakly onto a bench in the shade

The cicadas hummed over their heads as Matsuoka approached the man Hirosue slowly lifted his head

“Why didn’t you say no to co?” Matsuoka asked

Hirosue only responded with silence to his bla tone

“Hayaht? Didn’t I say this to you already before? Use your head a little if you want to avoid aard run-ins like these”

Hirosue pressed his treether near his mouth

“I did hear that you tere going together, and that Ms Hayaot a call fro she wanted me to come, too She said if I went, it would be easier to split up into two groups She could leave you and Ms Fuji to worry”

Matsuoka wished he hadn’t heard the man’s answer That way, he would have been able to keep assu that the slumped man before him was simply insensitive

“She begged me to and I couldn’t say no”

Matsuoka went back to his car, leaving the ainst the steering wheel and closed his eyes Perhaps Hirosue had come out of consideration for him and Fujimoto, but he didn’t want that kind of attention It only made him feel belittled Gestures like that, which could not be credited to kindness, nor much else for that matter, were the hardest to deal with

Hayama and Fujimoto came back after a while Fujimoto offered a can of coffee to Matsuoka in the driver’s seat

“Here you go,” she said

“Thanks I was actually pretty thirsty” Matsuoka thanked her and accepted the can, but did not open it He had been avoiding coffee for a while because of sto as pale as ever He did smile, however, as he accepted a can of coffee from Hayama

“We’ll be heading out soon,” Matsuoka said “Ms Fujimoto, why don’t you ride in the front?”

Fujimoto widened her eyes in surprise in the back seat

“It’s hard to talk when you’re sitting in the back and I’m in the front Besides, I think Mr Hirosue has stuff to talk about with Hayama”

Hirosue’sas if he was about to say so, but no words came

“Come sit beside me”

Fuji at Hayama in a plea for help

“Go on,” Haya her

At Matsuoka’s strong request, Fuji beside him I probably shouldn’t be too talkative around her type, Matsuoka thought, and was careful to leave just enough breathing roo the silence draw out for too long

He glanced every now and then at Hirosue through the rear-view mirror Thein the passenger seat After about an hour on the highway, they arrived at the aquariuthe aquariuh, Hirosue and Hayaht on cue Fujimoto attempted to look for them, but Matsuoka assured her that it was better not to

“It’s probably kinder to leave theet in touch, we can always call their cells,” he said, and they continued through the aquariuether When they reached the exit, Hayama and Hirosue were there, just as he had expected

“Sorry, we got lost on the way,” they lied lamely

It was past twelve by the ti a full tour of the aquariument of the dolphin show that Fujimoto wanted to see was scheduled to happen at one-thirty, so they decided to grab lunch while they waited As they exited into the shopping mall, they were faced with a number of restaurants to choose from Hayama stopped in front of an Italian-style restaurant with a stylish exterior

“How about here?”

Matsuoka didn’t care what it was, as long as it would fill his stomach

“Yeah, sure,” Hirosue said, but not very enthusiastically Oh yeah, he prefers japanese food over Western food I wonder if Hayaht idly But Hirosue did not assert hieneral consensus seemed to lean in favour of this restaurant

“Oh, actually, sorry, I think I feel like eating so with rice,” Matsuoka said abruptly

“japanese food, then?” Hayama said promptly, and pointed to the rice-bowl restaurant beside it No one protested against it, so they all went in together

They sat down in pairs on each side of a four-person table Fujimoto still seemed reluctant to talk to Matsuoka, and did not say much Matsuoka did discover, however, that she suddenly became articulate when the topic turned to dolphins

“You know, co, aren’t you, Matsuoka?” Haya a lapse in their conversation

“What’s this, all of a sudden?” Matsuoka said as he laughed and hunched his shoulders

“I already knew you were good-looking, but it really hit home e met up at the station When I saw you, I wondered how you could ether And that ring and necklace―are those Chro? That brand?”

“No, no No way,” Matsuoka said quickly “I would never buy soht these at a stall in front of the station You know, since I got a new haircut I thought these kinds of accessories o ith it”

He glanced at Hirosue, but the aze was lowered vacantly and he did not see Matsuoka was constantly conscious of the man across from him, but Hirosue did not seehout that thehiht be because of him

When walking in public, Hirosue would stay close to Hayama, but would not hold her hand But when he had walked with Matsuoka, thea brief rush of ht that perhaps Hirosue was just avoiding holding hands so Matsuoka wouldn’t feel hurt He plunged back into feeling pathetic again

The dolphin show started in the afternoon Fuji attention The seats around the pool were croith fah space for the four to sit together They split up into pairs instead, and Hayama and Hirosue sat down in the two seats in front of the at the back of the man’s head, with its unfashi+onable haircut and untamed hair

After the show, the group looked around the aquariuht her a dolphin-shaped cell phone charht, but Fujietic attitude that he was a little taken aback

The two of the and went to see what the other pair was doing Haya at theunsure about a ballpoint pen with a dolphin char

“It’s kind of childish, isn’t it?” she said in the end, and put it back Hirosue should buy it for her, Matsuoka thought, but theso

Just as they were about to head horoup

“Hold on ain the car He discreetly returned to the shop and bought the ballpoint pen that Haya

Fujier seat on the way back She finally seean to talk in ss other than dolphins As Matsuoka listened to her speak, hu occasionally in response, he soon noticed it had fallen quiet behind hi her head on Hirosue’s shoulder with her eyes closed

Matsuoka felt his chest squeeze painfully The pain even reached his fingertips His heart trembled, and the careful balance he had maintained until now seemed to crumble away beneath his feet

“Can we―” his voice was unnaturally loud “Can we stop and take a break?” he said to the group before pulling into the next parking area

“Are you alright?” asked Fujimoto, as soon as he had stopped the car

“Yeah, I’ot out

He went to the resting area inside the store and sat down on a chair

“damn it all,” he ht at a vendingdumped They had balanced the books of their past, and now they had each found someone new; on the surface, it was supposed to be happily ever after But for Matsuoka, it was all in for up with the facts

He told hiether, but once he was caught off-guard, his bravado fell away all too easily So easily, it was shameful to watch

“Mr Matsuoka” Matsuoka slowly lifted his head Hirosue was standing in front of him Hayama was nowhere nearby

“Youyou drive the whole way I…”

“You can’t drive because of that tiht? I know,” he said shortly

Hirosue’s face hardened Matsuoka iretted his harsh outburst

“I’m sorry,” he said

“No,” Hirosue said quietly “I think I can e to drive a little if I try But I don’t think I can handle the highway right away”

“It’s okay I’, either”

He spotted Haya towards them

“Are you alright?” Haya you didn’t look too well”

Matsuoka tried to put on a s it looked

“I’m fine, I’m fine I was just a little thirsty”

Hayama still seemed worried as she looked to Hirosue beside her

“You have a driving license, don’t you, Hirosue? Do you think you could take over the driving for Matsuoka? Mako and I have licenses, but we barely have any experience”

Hirosue dropped his gaze “Um,” he mumbled

“Oh, no, no, don’t worry about it,” Matsuoka butted in “I don’t like other people driving , you know?”

“Yeah, but,” Hayama protested

“Isn’t Ms Fujiht now? I plan to head out in ten o ahead and wait in the car”

His mention of Fujimoto seemed to remind Hayama of her existence

“See you in a bit, then,” she said, and headed back to the car

“Why don’t you go back to the car, too, Mr Hirosue?” Matsuoka suggested, but the man did not move

“But…”

“I’d rather not have to worry about other people when I’ht? Can you just leave me alone for a bit?” he said harshly Only then did Hirosue leave his side

After they pulled out of the parking area, everyone was rather quiet out of consideration for Matsuoka Matsuoka found this at that he made an active effort to carry on a conversation There was no time for him toin futility or to wish he didn’t have to see the two of them in the back seat

They arrived back at the station they hadSince they were planned to go their separate ways fro curb

“This is for you” Before they said goodbye, Matsuoka handed a ser’s seat “Open it,” he encouraged

Fuji Her face lit up, and she held the ballpoint pen with the dolphin charm in her hand happily

“It ht be kind of kiddish,” Matsuoka said Fujimoto shook her head

“I’m really happy Thank you”

“Good for you,” Hayalance at Hirosue, but the tactless retful

Matsuoka kept s until he parted with the other three Once his car was in ht of everyone else, the shed doith exhaustion

He was still lethargic when he got ho, Matsuoka sank to the floor without even turning the air conditioner on I shouldn’t have given that pen to Fujiiven away a gligression But he had not planned fro down Hirosue’s reputation by proving how tactless he was

Here was athat his lover was eyeing―even so as cheap as a ballpoint pen At first, Matsuoka had been planning to pass the pen to the ive it to Hayama, and subtly instruct him on the basics of relationshi+p etiquette But partway through, he lost the heart even to do that

His thoughts, his actions, made him sick of himself Left like this, he felt like he would spiral deeper into hishimself He didn’t want to meet Hirosue anymore He didn’t even want to see the man’s face

His phone suddenly rang as he received a new h he had no basis, he felt like it was Hirosue―he was almost certain it was He pounced on his cell phone The e-mail was from Fujimoto

‘I really enjoyed myself today Thank you’

Matsuoka turned off his cell phone right after reading the e-ht

In the , he nervously turned on his cell phone There were no signs of any new e-mails or missed calls

Matsuoka sent an e-mail to Fujiht after getting hoet to write, ‘Next time, let’s meet with just the two of us’

On Monday, when Matsuoka went back to work, Hayah spirits

“I’m sorry about Saturday You must have been tired”

Matsuoka tried to ignore the knot in his heart

“Don’t worry about it,” he said with a smile

“Mako and I had dinner together after you dropped us off at the station She said she had a lot of fun”

“Oh, yeah?” The news that she had enjoyed herself caused no ripples in Matsuoka’s emotions, and they remained flat He even felt frustration at how honest his heart was Matsuoka turned around and pretended to look at the clock on the wall

“I have to start getting ready to go on rounds,” said Matsuoka, trying to wrap up the conversation

“Mr Hirosue, you know―” Hayaan at almost the sa the man’s name

“What?” he asked Hayama shook her head

“No, it’s nothing much You’re busy, aren’t you?”

“I don’t like to be left hanging like that Tell me”

“It’s really not that big of a deal, but,” Hayama continued, “Hirosue asked me a lot about you Like about your personality, and stuff But you two have known each other for a while, right?”

Matsuoka’s palms were sweaty His pulse quickened

“We just say hi to each other once in a while”

“Oh,” Haya is that Hirosue doesn’t talk eneral, but he see why”

Theabout him Did that mean he was at least a little interested?

“Is he really that untalkative?”

Hirosue had talked frequently when Matsuoka had dated the man as Yoko Eto Granted, he never said ether

“He’s a quiet person,” Hayaet the hint soet kind of iood idea of how he feels”

Hayas up

“Matsuoka, do you have ti?”

“Tonight?”

“I want to talk to you about so with Mako”

I wouldn’t if I were you, whispered so in his heart Matsuoka didn’t think he could watch Haya any of his own ely e hiht He kneould

“Sure Sounds good”

It was only because Hayama had mentioned she wanted to discuss Fujimoto with him―but that was just an excuse Hirosue had apparently shown interest in him Matsuoka wanted to knohy, and he could not resist his desire to know

At seven in the evening, Matsuoka wrapped up his visits and met up with Hayama in front of the station They went to a Western-style pub and drank a little while they dined

Matsuoka had done his own share of thinking during his visits As a result, heup the topic of Hirosue He would probably never see thehiot soan to talk about Hirosue on her own accord

“Researchers are an odd bunch They’re just not very friendly or considerate by nature, you know? I didn’t even get decent instructions on how to take over before I was being told to process receipts and invoices They kneasn’t used toI was taking And when I finally sent out the invoices, I would get calls fro about how the costs are too high When I first started, I used to coht and just cry Hirosue was the one who cah all this When I ize toto do with it I kept thinking what a kind person he was, and before I knew it, I was in love with him”

Hayama lowered her eyes and rested her chin in her hand

“He’s just slow at picking up the hint I liked hinals as much as I could, but he never noticed I was actually the one that asked hio out with me He was really surprised”

Matsuoka found himself relieved that Hirosue had not been the one to confess and ask her out

“But…” Hayama murmured, then looked at Matsuoka earnestly “What do you think from your point of view? Do you think Hirosue likes me?”

Matsuoka didn’t kno to answer her

“I’ized, as if to infer from his hesitant expression “I really love him, but sometimes I wonder how Hirosue feels”

“Did souys?”

Hayauely, and looked down “When I confessed to him, he said he wanted to think about it He said before he wasn’t in love with anyone and wasn’t dating, but if he had to think about it, that ht?”

With ht, he sent solove confessions Hirosue had beenhim as Yoko Eto

Matsuoka basked in a less He had been better-liked, better-loved―but right afterwards, reality bore down upon him The rejection came after a pros sank darkly the moment he remembered it, so much that he did not notice that Hayama had fallen silent across from him

“I’m just not attractive as a woman, am I?” Hayama murmured in a tearful voice

“What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?” Aitation, a tear spilled from Hayama’s eye

“It’s al, and he won’t even kiss ht maybe it was because he was shy, but…”

Even while Haya joy at the knowledge that they had not kissed yet It soed to him

“I wish I could make him love me more I wish he would love me a lot I love him so much―so I want hi,” Hayama said as she dabbed at her eyes with her handkerchief “I try o over to his house, clean and cook for hiood I aht on much”

Hayama snapped her head up in realization