C36 (1/2)
Cheng Cheng turned on his computer and typed in the word ”gay” into the search. He then sat in front of the computer and read every word, afraid that he would miss a key word. His hand trembled a little as he clicked the mouse. Then he turned the page, his eyes on the computer screen, his ears listening to everything that was happening outside.
No, it must not be like this. I must be too young to know what I like, so I think I like my older brother. This wasn't like at all, it was just a type of reliance. Cheng Cheng shut off his laptop in a fluster and lied on the table, feeling extremely troubled.
”You're disgusting. You're gay. I left such a person at home. ” Cheng Hanlong was carrying a big bag full of Cheng Cheng's stuff in the house. He threw it to Cheng Cheng and told him to leave quickly.
Cheng Cheng held Cheng Hanlong's leg, crying as he begged, ”Brother, I'm not, I really am not. Don't kick me out.”
Cheng Hanlong took his hand away in disgust and dragged him towards the door. Get out of here. I see you can't even eat. ”Abnormal!” Cheng Hanlong dragged Cheng Cheng from the ground to the door and prepared to close it.
Cheng Cheng stuck to the door and stuck his body inside. Seeing that, Cheng Hanlong kicked Cheng Cheng out with an expression of disgust. Cheng Cheng used all his strength to press against the door, shouting non-stop, ”Brother, don't be like this, I can't, I'll change …”
”I won't be able to do it again, ah …” Cheng Cheng woke up from his dream. Cheng Hanlong also woke up when he heard the sound. He sat up and turned on the lamp and saw that Cheng Cheng's forehead was covered in sweat.
Cheng Cheng rubbed his eyes. There really seemed to be water vapor in them. The dream was clearly answered in his mind. Cheng Cheng felt that he was breathing heavily.
Cheng Hanlong straightened his back and asked, ”What happened? What are you dreaming about that scared you like this. ”
Cheng Cheng still hadn't woken up from his shock, he grabbed Cheng Hanlong's hand and nervously asked, ”Brother, no matter what kind of person I am, you won't let me leave right?”
”Why would I let you go if I had nothing better to do?” Who's going to cook for me? What are you thinking about all day? ” Cheng Hanlong was a bit confused, so he used his hand to wipe the sweat off Cheng Hanlong's forehead.
”Yes.” ”I will make you delicious food everyday, but don't let me go just because of this. If I leave, you won't get used to eating from anyone.” Cheng Cheng mumbled randomly.
Cheng Hanlong only thought that he was scared silly by his dream and was spreading hysteria there. He turned off the light and told Cheng Cheng to go back to sleep.
Cheng Cheng lay on the pillow and looked at Cheng Hanlong, who immediately fell asleep again. Under the moonlight, he looked really handsome. His breath felt intoxicating to Cheng Cheng. Since when did he start to feel uneasy even when he was sleeping next to his brother?
”Mm …” Cheng Hanlong turned around and faced Cheng Cheng with his face facing him. He then put his hand on Cheng Cheng's waist. ”Cheng Cheng immediately drew back, afraid that he would react. He wondered how many nights it had been since he was hugged by Cheng Hanlong. Cheng Cheng was no longer as relieved as he was before.
This huge bed no longer looked as spacious as it did when he was young. Sometimes, Cheng Hanlong's hand would unconsciously touch somewhere on Cheng Cheng. If Cheng Cheng was sleeping, then it would be better. This would immediately cause Cheng Cheng to recall some things as if it was a conditioned reflex, then he would naturally feel ashamed and remorseful.
Since when did he become so evil?
Cheng Cheng read a story, a gay couple without the family and social identity has been repeatedly subjected to personal attacks, the originally unforgettable love becomes so fragile in the face of reality. In the end, the other party entered the marriage. The other party spent all day drinking and drinking, but they were all scorned by the world.
No one would tolerate such abnormal feelings, let alone a brother. He didn't think that two people would be challenged one day, because he knew his brother was so normal. As long as he could accept it, did not hate himself, and did not chase him away, then that would be the best result.
From the initial suspicion to the final confirmation, it took Cheng Cheng nearly two years. There was no way for him to communicate with anyone. He could only silently search for something, share stories of others, and then rejoice that he had not been discovered.
From the moment he learned of the term ”homosexual”, he understood and could no longer extricate himself from it. He bought a coded diary and wrote something to himself every day. Communicating with him would give him some comfort and encouragement. This could also be considered a spiritual entrustment!