Chapter 585 (1/1)
The quiet night, the quiet living room, at this moment, the world seems to only leave me and Chu Yuan's breathing sound, this girl is really honest, just lying on my body obediently, let me caress her loose long, even breathing and vomiting rhythm, let me doubt whether she is comfortable has fallen asleep.
She is really like a disgusting kitten. She is soft, warm and gentle. Just snuggling like this, I feel extremely comfortable and comfortable. I even can't bear to blow her out of the quilt, thinking that if she falls asleep like this, it's also good Atmosphere.
”Brother, don't you like me because I don't understand?”
”Well?” I was stunned.
Chu Yuan grabbed my shoulder arm and pulled himself up to rest his head on my shoulder. The hot breath blew on my neck. It was fragrant and itchy. ”I know why you hate me, because from the day we became family, I took a lot of things that belong to you.”
The evening wind was slowly blowing, and the night was cool. Chu Yuan's round fragrant shoulder was exposed in the air, and I couldn't help but fight a cold war. I pulled the quilt upward, and smiled disapprovingly, ”is that right?”
”Yes,” Chu Yuan's voice is very thin, really like talking in a dream, but it gives a very serious feeling. ”Your room, your toys, your clothes, your pocket money, and dad's love. If you didn't have me, you could have more and more. I know that you must hate me.”
I was silent, because I couldn't refute, Chu Yuan was right, and I hated her, especially when I was wronged because of her. It was always hard to avoid the idea that if there had never been a girl like her at home, I would never have had a sister like her
maybe I always wanted to be a competent brother, but I could never find a brother The feeling is that for this reason, not only Chu Yuan is rejecting me, but also I am rejecting Chu Yuan. In my subconscious mind, I don't want to admit that my sister is the stinky girl who takes half of my happiness, or even more happiness. Maybe, jealousy is also one of the important reasons. Chu Yuan is beautiful and has good grades. When she is very young, people around me don't It seems that since then, everyone has been convinced that my sister must have an extraordinary life. Even I am convinced that her future is destined to be different, because she is so outstanding
to this day, I am not sure whether my yearning for the ordinary is because I am not more confident than Chuyuan Wonderful future, so I like a coward to find a seemingly different excuse to escape from the established reality. The only thing I can be sure of is that I really hate Chu Yuan.
”Mom always praises you for being sensible, because she knows that you have suffered a lot of grievances and been wronged and scolded by Dad, but you never say it. You always bear it silently by yourself. Even if I do something wrong, you have not told me once, and you have tried your best to protect me, even to carry the black pot for me. No matter what I do, you will accommodate me, Tolerate me, but I often find fault with you and accuse you ”
in fact, this is what I want to know most - why do you always have trouble with me? It's impossible for the world to hate for no reason. Even if I think of something in my mind, I've never said it. Chu Yuan is not very normal. The powerful girl I know won't admit that she's wrong, but I can clearly hear her whisper in my ear: ”I know that the boy I want to call brother hurts me Yes, I know it from the moment I first saw him, but I don't know how to approach him and accept him. I'm different from him. He's a few years older than me, but he's still a child, but he talks like an adult, he knows everything, and I don't know anything. He's very good to me, and very good to mom. I even think that mom likes him and has passed me, because he's better than anything else I am strong, I began to feel afraid, afraid that he would rob my mother, my only family member, so I don't know how to get along with him, no matter how good he is to me, no matter how much I like him to be good to me, but I have always been wary of him, I never thought that we have been a family, mom likes you as much as she likes me, and I haven't lost anything , I also got a lot of -- dad and his love for me, on the contrary, he lost a lot, because he is a brother, delicious, good to drink, fun, not only to let me, but also to sacrifice his own time to take care of me, I am afraid that he will take away my happiness, but unconsciously, I will take away everything that belongs to him, but when I understand these things At that time, he had become a doormat of the family. ”
that's what it is. I want to laugh, but I can't laugh. The answer to the question that has been suppressed in my heart for nearly ten years is so simple. Chu Yuan uses his brain to grind my ears and asks,” brother, do you think there are people in the world who are not angry or grumpy? ”
”No,” I said with a smile, ”it's people who have tempers, but can tolerate them to different degrees. Some can tolerate them, some can't, some can't at all.”
”right? So you can't be angry, ”Chu Yuan interrupts me, saying,” because you didn't go to school, even now, you always fight with others, and even have a temper with little purple sister. You didn't talk to her for a few days, and you quarreled with your father. He beat you so badly, but she refused to be soft. Mom said to me, you are a man with integrity and pride, You know how to forbear, but that's not cowardice. You are always tolerant, but not always compromising. In fact, you have a great temper, but you've never been angry with me. Even if I tear up the important letter that sister purple left you, you haven't scolded me. You hide from me and don't want to see me. You're afraid that you will be angry with me. ”Said, Chu Yuan began to sob, as if he had been greatly wronged, sobbing: ”why only to me can not temper? Why don't you never tell me your dissatisfaction? Mother often said that life is tea, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar, tea, pots, pots, pots, knives, forks, chopsticks, bumps and bumps are inevitable. Even if there are some quarrels between brothers and sisters, it's normal? It's not normal to quarrel once? When I was a child, I didn't understand. When I grew up, I finally understood. You don't like me, you hate me - forgive me, tolerate me, just fear that dad and mom will quarrel about our affairs! ”
For the first time, the secret in my heart was discovered for the first time. It was not others who discovered the secret, but Chu Yuan! I'm flustered. She's right, but not completely right. Her feelings are very contradictory. I don't deny that I hate her, but I don't admit that I hate her and don't like her. Chu Yuan has shortcomings, but she has more advantages!
”You have asked me many times why I hate Cheng Liusu. Now I tell you because I am jealous of her!” Chu Yuan suddenly sat up. Of course, he sat on me and looked down at my eyes. There were complicated feelings flowing in my eyes. I was stunned, but she said slowly in a low voice, in a calm tone that was extremely contradictory to her expression: ”after sister purple went abroad, I thought about apologizing to you. I hope you can scold me or beat me. I have a fantasy You can be angry with me, so you don't have to hold the grievance and bitterness in your heart. Then, as long as I admit my mistake, you will change your view on me, and feel that I'm not only a girl who knows how to be unreasonable. If I'm not comfortable, I will get angry. If I'm the closest person to you, why do you hide your feelings from me? I don't want your false love. Even if you are as strict as my mother is, I hope you can be frank with me. ”
similarly, when I went to buy rice, Chu Yuan also said it in the city. It turned out that what she said at that time was not tassel, but her own
” but I was too stupid, I don't know how to apologize. You are better to me after leaving hospital, but I was even worse than when I was in hospital It's hard. You don't really mean it. You are afraid that I will do stupid things again. At that time, you must be thinking: ”this stinky girl is so hateful. She not only ripped the letter from lilac, but also abused herself and nearly made me a sinner.” but you don't know. I urged you to go home because I was really worried about you. When I sat in the snow, I didn't blame you. I was very happy Willing to punish themselves! I just want to atone for my sins. I want to admit my mistake to you. But every time I mention sister Zixiao, your hypocritical smile makes me speechless! I'm useless, even how to let you have no idea about my temper. ”The more she said, the more excited she became. Although she tried to suppress her voice, the tears could not stop. The big one rolled down on my chest. The hot temperature seemed to burn through my heart.
I reached out to wipe the corner of her eyes, but she grabbed her wrist, opened her mouth and bit it on the back of my hand. I don't know if she was afraid of crying, or hated my hypocrisy. Maybe, both of them, she bit hard, cried, hysterical.